Deceit

I've always had this belief that when you die, you suddenly know everything that had ever happened in your life, all of the thoughts people had about you, the actions they took against you and the reasons behind them, suddenly all of their lies and secrets didn’t matter anymore. Once your heart stopped beating and you went wherever it is that you go, all of those foolish questions you had were answered. It might be the only reason I’m not afraid to die, not afraid to take a life.

I know that until my own heart stops, i’ll never know the truth, even if I tried to torture it out of him. He would still lie, he could be bloody and on the edge of death and he would still lie. He’s so good at it too. I was only one of the thousands of people to fall at his feet.

Thinking back, I should have realized that what we had wasn’t love… not real love anyway… that love where you feel safe in their arms, smile like an ass when you think about them at random hours of the day, countdown the minutes until you see their smile again. I should have known that someone as gentle and good as he seemed, wouldn’t really want the broken girl with too many unhealthy habits. Yet I still hung on every word, every caress, every wonderful embrace. I practically worshiped the air he breathed, the ground beneath his feet and everything in between. I knew it was unhealthy, needing someone as much as I needed him. But I didn’t care, didn’t see the wicked, cruel fire in his eyes that everyone else claimed to see.

I didn’t want to know how hideous he really was, but I do know that I wouldn’t be here today, staring down at the only thing that will put my life back together if it weren’t for him. That love I thought, no swore I felt for him… it couldn’t have been real, even as I stand here, the tears slowly trickling past my cheekbones. I know I never loved him, I just wanted him to love me, worship me like I had him. It was all an act on his part, to him I was both the key, and an obstacle in his cruel plan. And man, was he an amazing actor… because I never expected him to take away the only light in my life. No matter how dark that light actually was, it was mine.

“I’m going to take down his kingdom, little princess. If that means I have to kill you to do it, I will.”

None of that matters anymore, now that he’s in the same situation that he put me in. The fear in his eyes is enough to make me jump with glee. I’ve never felt more powerful than in this moment, watching him slouched in the corner of his office with a bruise forming on his cheek and his hands held up as if they could protect him from this. From me. His eyes, wide but still breathtakingly beautiful are filling with tears, the stormy depths flickering between my own gaze and the weapon in my hands raised towards him.

“It took me a long time you find you my love.” I step closer, the large room closing in on us as we stare each other down. The ecstatic fury in my veins fueling me. It’s only been a few minutes since I stalked into the room, my fist flying right into his jaw as soon as he turned to face me. Yet, we’ve been standing here too long, I know that. Getting here feels much to easy, I know that… I shouldn’t be hesitating, but I need him to feel as terrified as I did when he pointed the gun at my temple, his arm wrapped around my throat.

Before he suddenly pulled the gun from my skin and aimed it at him.

“You know you won’t pull the trigger, little princess.” The fear in his eyes slowly fades and he moves to get up. But I pull the fucking trigger, and I wish more than anything… that It would be over after that.

But it isn’t.