Chapter 1
You are a shy, quiet thing when your friends first introduce as. You dislike me at first, you think that I’m too bitter. Then you start to warm up to me the more you get to know me. The more that you see my different sides.
You start to cling to me at parties, you say that I’m turning you into someone more fun than your usual self. Your friends seem to agree. They like me. You reluctantly share me around the room. You tell yourself that is fine, that this is a normal relationship.
Work starts to get stressful, and you start clinging to me at home too. You want me there every night, you need me to sleep. You tell yourself that it’s just until work calms down again.
But that is a lie.
You start to need me more and more. You can’t function without me. You need me by your side whenever you go. No more independence. I isolate you from your friends. I take away your money. Your friends change their minds, tell you I’m no good for you. Your mother begs you to leave me. She even offers to pay for therapy for the supposed damage I’ve done. But you don’t see it. You don’t want to leave me. You truly believe this is a normal, healthy relationship. You poor delusional girl.
You brush off the bruises, you say they were accidents, you’re just clumsy. You don’t see the sideways looks people give you when you turn up to work, dishevelled with dark circles under your eyes because I caused you to lose sleep again. You are too happy to notice. You think we are made to be together. You think I make you a better person. Your friends are now scared for you. They worry I will introduce you to my less than savoury friends. You tell them that everything is fine.
Finally, you start to notice that I am harming you. You start to think that maybe your friends are right. Maybe I am no good for you. Your mother convinces you to leave me behind. A trial separation for a month, she says. You tell her that is will be easy. You can live without me.
You are lying. Two weeks later you are back in my arms. Wrapped in my warming embrace. You tell me you need me. You will always need me. You don’t care that I am killing you because I make you happy. This is the way you live the rest of your life. Reliant on me. You are not happy unless I am with you. You cannot bear to be without me for longer than a day. You are always calling out my name. You will still be calling out my name on your death bed. Your last words will be “just one more sip”.
