Breathing sins

Sara

They say that life is a series of event. A path in which we're traveling, a story which we are writing.

But come to think of it, I have never thought what life is and what it means, the question that haunts me is what is a human? What is it to be humane? In this world there are several million species which have their own list of pros, cons and boundaries. They've a particular habits. We are the one species which have evolved and pushed everything to a new level. So does that make us better beings? I'm afraid not. Maybe people in the world are better beings, but I certainly am not.

Going into the depths of philosophy which clearly isn't my subject, I sigh while packing my stuff. Sometimes I'm just lost in my thoughts which lead nowhere. I close my luggage with much efforts, which has brought my wild hair right in front of my face. They’ll never behave, damm them.

"Sara, aren't you late to catch your flight?" my mom practically screams through the corridor.

" I'm just done."

As I hold my luggage and text my friend one last time, the last time from the last forty times.

**ME: so you backlashed and I've everything ready out here, and can you please explain me the idea once more?**

"SARA IF YOU DONT COME DOWN RIGHT NOW..."

"Geez mom, I bet dad hasn't even get up yet. " I say while walking down the stairs.

"It's sunday. And your grandmother insists on you having breakfast. "

She eyes my clothes warily, and I suppose I’m used to it. Jeans and over sized t shirts are my forte. Hoodies as well.

I don't know if it is quite normal but I lose appetite while traveling. Until I'm in the flight. There have been most of the times when my stomach has growled (which seems an understatement) in the flight. And how I made a face of being unaffected by it, while people stare at me after that.

"I'll have tea then. "

"Sara, do you know you're late, what took you so much time, little lady?" My grandmother enquirers. I look at her, trying to suppress my irritation because she is taunting me. She is almost so small, having wrinkles around the eyes and her grey hair tied up in a bun. Looking at her she seems so cute but she’s far from it. She might be eighty, but she has a loudspeaker for a voice box and a over reacting personality. I don’t know how she gets that amount of energy.

"Granny for once, can you see any part of my body which is little?"

"Oh yes definitely. Your brain for instance. "

I roll my eyes and scoff a bit. Look here, she can ‘see’ my brain.

"You've habits just like your mother."

My lips are pressed into a thin line, for I know she doesn't mean this words in a good way. With time I've tried to keep my anger in control, but this statement rubs me in a wrong way.

Without losing any more time I drink my tea, pickup my bag and see my dad ready in the car.

I say my goodbyes to granny and mom.

"Take care and don't crash into your friends place like a guy. Be a mannered girl and do your own work out there. "

"Aye-aye granny."

I look upto my mom, she seems a bit affected by my departure, which I thought shouldn’t bother her. Even though I’m aware she cares about me and loves me. But those feelings just vanish in thin air. I try to push these thoughts out of my brain.

“Take care of yourself. I love you.”

She gives me a side hug. I give a stern nod.

I get in the car and dad starts the music and we leave home.

I look at my phone and see text from Sophie.

**SOPH: Listen to me stupid bitch, I didn't do this on purpose. Matts mom is ill and in the hospital that's why we had to rush over there. And I am waiting for you here. Until I don't get you safe back at my place, I ain't leaving. And it's just matter of few days. No harm right. Your parents won't know. Don't worry. **

Universe has a vendetta against me. I'm sure of it. After I completed my medicine, I have to go for internship for six months. As a girl from such a small island/town, I wasn't looking for some big fancy place until my friend Sophie, pestered me for coming to Manhattan. She took the matter so seriously that she gave my papers to various hospitals herself.

And I was selected by pure luck. Or maybe she just would've given me a fake slip and pestered my parents as well, talking about the various opportunities that can probably come my way.

So here I am, leaving for Manhattan, when she last night texts that her boyfriends mom got really sick and she has to go with him to Ohio.

Great, for a person who hasn't been out of home much, you're going to live alone in Manhattan, a place you've no idea of, for a friggin week.

"Who is texting you?" Dad asks suddenly bringing me back to reality. My heart almost hammered within my chest.

"Sophie, she was asking about the flight details. She is going to pick me up. " I try to say nonchalantly. He always seem to be observing my reactions and the last thing I want is him to be suspicious.

I know if my parents comes to know Sophie isn't there with me, they'll might just act cave man-ish. My grandmother will swear upon the ground and the sky that I'll come back with her illegitimate great grand child.

"Oh okay. You know you've freedom now, but keep yourself in check. Understood?"

Aka, do something foolish in the land where foolishness is the trend, you'll be slaughtered and fed to dogs.

"Yes, understood. "

The rest of the drive was silent and I was fighting with my own self in order to keep calm. Or act calm.

While reaching the airport, my dad hugs me and kisses my cheek while saying," Take care of yourself kiddo. I'll miss you."

My eyes immediately sting, for my dad isn't a man who portrayed love and emotions. And whenever he does it really warms my heart.

"I'll miss you too dad. Take care of yourself."

I go inside for security check. And I board the flight, I text my parents once again that I'm leaving.

They always tend to have my updates.

I don't know what future holds for me for these next six months, but I'm already terrified. Of change. Of something unexpected. Putting my headphones on and music blaring in my ears, I drift off to sleep.

"Sara come here. Take the phone. Play the game you like." He says with a cruel smile on his face.

I shook my head trembling a little.

"Ah Sara, do you want your dad to be angry again because of you? You know mommy is not here and daddy is sad. Do you want me to make him more sad ?" He whispers while slowly approaching me.

"N-no I d-don't want that. "

"So be a good girl and come here. I won't tell daddy anything. "

I approach him slightly, having discomfort reigning in my whole system.

"Well aren't you such a good girl Sara."

"Miss, hey miss are you alright?"

I open my eyes, looking at a small girl with a barbie in hand staring at me.

"Are you alright?" She asked me again.

Coming back into my senses, I croak out," Yes I'm fine. I was just sleeping a bit. "

"Your face was very tense. As if you were gonna puke. Do you have flight sickness as mommy?" She asked me.

"No I'm fine. I'm alright. "

"Okay miss. See ya. "

"See ya kiddo. "

I sigh. It doesn't help. The nightmares. They're not nightmares. Rather flashes. Flashes which don't terrify me. They break me. I try to sit back in my chair comfortably,trying to find my comfort zone back.

Few deep breaths.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

What is gone, is gone.

The air hostess announces that we'll reach Manhattan in one hour.

My heart is in my mouth. The world is out there. In my reach. Just few steps away. A new beginning. A better beginning.

Somethings can't be redeemed. You are irredeemable.

My conscious snickers. I swear I sometimes feel like a person is sitting inside me who has a big grudge against me. That voice in my head constantly trying to overpower me.

I just hope Sophie doesn't ditch me. She's a bit wild and impulsive but she loves me to bits. As I come out of the airport, I see a girl waving crazy towards me. Sophie rushes towards me and gives me a big bear hug.

"What up bitch! You are really here. Oh my God you really made it!"she says enthusiastically.

"Yeah I guess I totally did. " I mumble back.

Everything seems to be so new that I am scared to even show interest.

" Wait a minute just look at you. You look so hot. I mean I knew you look pretty on video calls but damm, you've become sexy. Have you become more taller or curvier?"

"No I'm the same. You're just looking at me after a long time. When was the last time we were together?"

"I remember that hot night when we were together in your bed and you were in my arms..." I smack her arm real hard.

"Ow! What was that?"

"That was for you being pervy. It was four years back at a cafe."

"You remember how I cried in front of the waiter and threw the tissue on his shirt?" Sophie asks while we sit in the cab

"How can I forget that? You were such a bitch that I've seriously after that incident never gone to that cafe."

"No worries we'll go together." She smirks.

"How did you turn into such a wild bitch?" I ask dramatically.

"Excuse me! You made me so!"

"Did not!" I gasp with my hand on my heart feigning that I felt offended.

She chuckled lightly. Sophie is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met. Or I found her that way. She was 5"10, fair, heart shaped face and a beautiful bourbon shade hair. Her eyes were blue with tinges of grey.

"So how's Matts mom doing?" I ask.

She takes a moment to reply back.

"Well she's in the hospital. Matt has already left. And I told him I'll be leaving after I drop you home. I'm gonna be there for a week. I'm really sorry Sara. "

"Hey idiot. It's okay. It's really nice that for a change you'll look after someone else. Other than me. "

"You're always on top, baby girl. " she smiles and nudges me playfully.

I look outside the window and it's already dusk. The city is gorgeous beaming with life. As we pass through the busy streets, I see people laughing talking rushing to their destination. The tall buildings the metropolitan vibes I’m getting, it is just so alien to me.

The cab driver drops us at an alley. I insist on paying the fare, to which Sophie just gives me ‘the look’ and flips me off.

We go inside the building and Sophie helps me with my stuff.

She opens the door for us. It's a beautiful studio apartment. It has wooden flooring and brick walls. It looks rough but comfy. A small sofa and tv in the corner, a dining table in the centre and kitchen in the end. The doors must lead to the two bedrooms.

"You like it?" She asks.

" I love it. It’s real cosy for me. "

She shows me the necessary stuff the details numbers and addresses. After a whole hour of instructions. She picks her bag and leaves.

She looks around to see if she has missed something.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Take care of Matt and his mom." I say while hugging her.

"I will. It's just unfair that you met me after so long and I've to leave like this." she says with her eyes brimming with tears.

"Hey I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for a long time. Don't worry about me. Go now get lost I need to sleep. Call me after two days. "

She chuckles, hugs me again and leaves.

Without even wasting time I change my clothes and crash into bed.

*********

It's my first time I'm writing anything. So I hope guys you enjoy it!

Have a good day