BTS

On the cold day of 29 December, Jin and V are laying on Jin’s bed in Jin and Suga’s room. V is laying with a face mask on the shoulder of Jin, also wearing a face mask. In the meantime the other members are preparing for the surprise party, taking out the food that Jin already made in advance for today. Jimin is decorating the room, being a bright mood. Jhope is getting games ready. JK is in his room gaming, doesn’t want to be bothered, but only wants to party . RM is preparing the drinks and Suga is just walking around, trying to help where he can.

“Hyung, I can feel my face freshen up with this mask. It is so good!” Jin smiles. Suga enters the room and looks immediately away after seeing this scene. “I came to collect something, sorry to bother the beauty queens” He grumbles slightly while entering his room to grab a hat.

Jin pokes softly V’s face. “This mask is my favorite, you should be happy that I share it with you, just for today. Since tomorrow is your birthday.” V sighs. “being beautiful is hard work, right hyung?” “It sure is dongsaeng, it sure is. But it is worth it. ARMY loves us.” Suga, being so done with hearing this, exits the room quickly and returns to the party, pulling down the cap to hide the slight hint of shadow that came over his face.

After about half an hour Jin takes off the masks and prepares to leave the room. RM started a Vlive upon hearing the noises in the room. “Hello ARMY on Vlive, today we celebrate V’s life.” He laughs at his own joke. Jhope laughs hard, but Suga just rolled his eyes in the background. Jimin is pushing the confetti guns in everyone’s hands and JK finally joins everyone too. “We know we are a bit early but we couldn’t wait any longer and wanted to surprise Tae for real, so we throw the party the day before he would expect it! I am a genius!” RM winks at ARMY.

Jin and V are leaving the room and the moment V enters the living room everyone screams SURPRISE!!! in his face. Directly followed by the popping of confetti guns, and lots of blowing on the party horns. Jimin is the first to hug V. Everyone else follows. V is emotional and looks at everyone with wet eyes. “Thank you my brothers, you truly are the best!”

After ending the Vlive, they party on. Jhope is challenging JK and Jimin in a game, RM puts arm around Jin’s neck and holds him close from behind in a griphold. Jin is getting fake worked up and is YA!-ing all the time. Suga sits on the chair and looks at Jin and RM being all chummy. If only I could be like that with him… Suga shakes his head at this thought. It wasn’t going to happen. V is starting to hug Jin too and Jin is just adoring his dongsaeng as always. Jimin notices Suga’s darkened expression and decides to take the chair next to Suga. “Hyung, what’s wrong?” Suga looks at Jimin and relaxes his expression. How does he know? Suga is staring at Jimin’s face. Jimin smiles and pats Suga’s shoulder. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but remember that we are here for you, whenever or whatever it is, please come to us or one of us. Don’t suffer or fret yourself up too much. We care for you too much to let you destroy yourself like that.” Jimin’s face turned serious as he said this. Can I really tell him this? Suga, still staring at Jimin’s’ face, breaths out and starts to talk. “I can’t hold back any longer… It is too overwhelming. It is eating me up inside, and I can’t do anything. I...I... “ Suga looks down at his hands that are loosely resting on his lap, a tear is almost forming in his eye “I have feelings for someone. The real deal. I can’t hold it in or back. It is killing me.” He bit his lip after he pushed out the words that have been troubling him for a while now. Jimin looks a bit taken aback, but Suga doesn’t notice it. “Hyung… you should tell that person how you feel. You will always have a no, but you will never know if you could get a yes instead.” Suga looks up and his eyes harden again “It’s not that easy!” He gets up quickly and the chair falls back, making a loud noise on the floor, drawing the attention of everyone. He notices the silence it brought forth and hurriedly walks off to his room without another word.

After the door slammed close behind him, Jin and RM walk up to Jimin, followed slowly by the rest. “What just happened?” Namjoon asked. Jimin, still taken a bit aback by Suga’s hard reaction, stutters “N-nothing special… He just got a bit ...moody....” As he finishes the words, he looks worried in the direction of Suga and Jin’s room. “Agh, that is going to be a fun night again…” Jin sighs this sentence in a dramatic way. RM looks at Jin and his eyes soften. “You can sleep over in Jhope and my room if you want?” RM’s eyes look a bit begging but Jin doesn’t notice it. “No, it’s okay, he is my roommate after all. I’m so used to him. He never hurts me. He trusts me a lot. Maybe even more than all of you. But of course I am the best, you know… Worldwide handsome and such…” as he utters the words, Jhope is cringing, so is JK and RM just smiles. V looks at Jin and smiles softly He is right though. RM playfully slaps Jin on his back. “Hyung you are the most vain person I ever met, but it isn’t a lie.” He laughs and slaps Jin again. Jin, pretending to be badly hurt by RM, starts to moan in fake pain. V looks worried at Jin, not knowing Jin is just fake hurting and starts to pull Jin towards him, in a way to save him from RM. RM briefly exchanges a glance with V and there is a microsecond of tension between both of them. Jin just lets things be done to him, not really thinking much about it, still being dramatic about being in pain. JK and Jhope retreat to the sofa to play some Wii sports. Jimin is still looking at the room and sighs deeply. I wish hyung would be more courageous, as I know he can be…

Suga is laying on the bed, throwing his basketball up and catching it again. Softly letting go of a few tears as they roll out of the corner of his eyes and to the side of his head. Why is this happening to me? It is becoming more and more a mood ruiner. I am bringing ruin to BTS, my feelings will… He closes his eyes at those thoughts and cries tears of pain. The ball lands on his face giving him the pain sensation and cries harder. He covers his eyes with his arm and let the sleeve soak up all the tears. Outside the room he hears the party continuing and feels even more horrible. He softly smiles after he ran out of tears At least he is with me at night. I am not alone.

RM knocks on the door. “Yoongi hyung? Can I come in?” RM opens the door even before getting an answer. He walks towards Suga’s bed and sits on it. “Hyung, please, we miss you. Come back to the party and be with us. We miss your company so much!” Suga, slowly taking his arm away from his eyes, gets up and sits on the bed, staring straight at RM. “What happened to your face?” RM softly touches the red spot on the cheek where the ball had landed. Suga bruskely turns his head away from RM’s hand. He grumbles a “Nothing.” and sits with his back to RM, ready to get out of bed on the other side. RM gets up first, trusting his work is done here and makes way to the door. Suga gets up a bit later and hesitantly walks to the door. I should not ruin the party. I should at least try and have fun, and not be a bother to everyone.

As Suga enters the living room again, the party is in full swing and empty soju bottles are everywhere on the table. Jimin looks worried at Suga, Jin and V are having their arms over each others shoulders and are loudly singing some songs together, sounding as an angelic duo. It’s the first thing Suga sees after entering. They look so good and matching…I don’t belong with him… I am too different… He saddens and a dark shadow forms on his face again. JK offers him a glass of soju and he takes it and one shots it immediately. JK looks a bit surprised but refills it, as it is proper etiquette to do so. Suga takes the shot again in one time. JK hesitantly pours in another one and quickly puts the bottle on the table “What do you say Jhope Hyung? I am coming!” He hurriedly walks off, not wanting to be part of what seems to be an unhealthy reflex. Suga is holding the empty glass and playing with it on the table while staring at it, smirking at it in his evil way. Bothered by many thoughts he takes the bottle of soju and refills himself, one shotting it again. RM calls for a Love Shot with Jin and they do it. V bites lip and calls it too. Jin does it with V too. Jhope and JK are both teasing each other a bit and playing around.

RM takes a bottle, turns it upside down and says “Guess we are out of Soju already.... who is going to do a Soju run?” Suga gets up and grumbles in a low voice “I’ll go… I drank most of them on my own, so I’ll go and get them.” Jin looks worried at him and gets up too. “I’ll go with you! I need to get some fresh air too. And some snacks.” RM looks at Jin getting up and decided he lost the window to step up. V is dying to get up too, but is staying down, scared it would become to obvious. “Let’s go then” Jin is putting on his shoes in a hurry, Suga is just slowly moving towards the hall and putting on shoes in a clumsy, bit drunk way. Jin sighs and helps him in a jacket. “It is middle of winter, and cold even though you think you are hot because of the alcohol, your body can still catch a cold.” He zips the jacket all the way up to Suga’s chin, looking into his eyes for a brief moment. Suga’s breath stops for a bit and he quickly turns his eyes down, away from Jin’s face. Together they go out and leave the apartment.

As they walk in the street, both men don’t talk. They enter the convenience store and buy about 8 more bottles of soju and some snacks. As they exit the store, Suga is carrying all the bags, Jin is just joyfully walking next to him. Jin, trying to break the silence, starts to tease Suga by rapping Suga’s parts from songs badly. “Please stop.” Suga sighs. “Hyung, please don’t do this.” Jin, not planning on stopping, seeing it has effect, continues to do so. “You are horrible at this. Don’t do this. Stop before I might do something to you that you might regret....” Jin, confident in his skills of plugging at Suga’s patience strings, is because of the alcohol a bit more brave and decides to push Suga a bit more to meet his limit. As he does, Suga drops the bags he was carrying and quickly grabs Jin and kisses him on the mouth. He then lets Jin go and picks up the bags, walking on. Jin, silenced and in shock, is still standing still, his hands slowly reaching for his lips. Suga is quickly walking on, blushing wildly. Why did I do it? Was it the alcohol? Was it me losing it? Oh god, how am I supposed to look him in the eyes now? What have I done? Jin, recollecting himself again, runs to catch up to Suga, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him to a stop. “Yoongi? D-Did you...Is it a joke? It probably is.” Jin seems to relax at his thoughts “you stepped up your game today Yoongi… I must say it was a good move. Different than the other times you reacted to my teasing, but still a nice defensive move. It worked, I was silenced.” Jin walks on as if nothing happened. I should not make things awkward, that will make our rooming setting awkward too. Suga, perplexed at Jin’s words, walks on too. Did he just.... I can’t… He is just so precious… How can he be so considerate and perfect? Suga softly moans inside. I am just such an ugly person, inside and out. I truly am no match to him. He hurries his steps to go back home quickly, and follows Jin on a distance in silence.

As they both enter the apartment again, they see that Jimin is laying with his head on JK’s shoulder while both are sitting in the couch, RM is laying with his head on the table, V is laying on the floor, Jhope too, with his head on V’s stomach. “Guess we took a bit to long, playing like that…” Jin smiles and puts the soju bottles on the table. “care to help out, yoongi?” Suga nods and grabs Jimin, carries him bridal style to his bed. Jin softly lifts RM’s arm and places it over his wide shoulder. Slowly RM is stumbling on his own legs and Jin is softly guiding him to his bed too. Suga already left the room and is collecting the next drunk person. As RM drops on the bed, he pulls Jin with him. He rubs his head against Jin’s’ chest and smacks lips. “Ya, this is not how it works…” Jin softly says and starts to crawl out of RM’s embrace. “Hyung… stay with me…” RM is sleep talking and Jin is still trying to get out. “I can’t. I have to collect the others…” RM lets go and sleeps on. Jin softly walks back to the living room and grabs V who is open now since Suga got Jhope already, and starts to carry him bridal style to his room. V wakes up half on the way to the room, sees Jin and puts arms around Jin’s neck. He looks straight at Jin and his beautiful face is so close to Jin’s, Jin could feel V’s breath. Jin looks down at V and marvels at the beauty he possesses. If I get older, V will become the most visual of the group, I’m sure of that. His eyes sadden slightly at that thought. As he enters the room and puts V to bed, Suga just noticed the intense face to face glancing that was going on. He quickly leaves the room again, to collect the last one. Jin is cleaning up a bit as Suga returns from JK’s room. Feeling all sobered up, he helps Jin out. As their hands touch the same snack paper, Suga quickly pulls his hand back. Jin just stares at Suga’s behaviour and has a naive look on his face. He must still not be comfortable enough about it. I should do something. As he wipes the table “You know, a kiss isn’t the end of the world. I mean it wasn’t my first kiss though” Suga doesn’t respond to it, so he quickly gives up. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him to his limit today. But it’s a bit too late to regret now… As the living room is getting clean again, Suga retreats first. “Hyung, I’m going to bed first.” “Okay, see you later!” Jin is placing the glasses in the sink when he hears the door close of their room. What could be up with him? He is acting way different than other days. The way he snapped at Jimin, the way he snapped with me. There must be something bothering him. I am so worried… But if he really wants to, he knows he can talk to me. Nodding at that thought he finishes up and goes to the room too. As he takes off his shirt, and reveals his perfect back with wide shoulders, Suga stares a bit. I have seen this so often, and yet it still mesmerizes me. He closes his eyes slowly, and opens them slowly again only to see Jin has moved on to putting on pijama pants. He quickly closes eyes again and turns away from Jin. He can hear Jin entering his own bed and rustling the blankets. “you can turn off the light now yoongi…” Suga slowly moves to the lamp on the nightstand and clicks it. “Goodnight Yoongi, sweet dreams.” Suga pulls the blankets higher and sighs when he closes eyes. But the scene keeps replaying in his mind. over and over again. Sleep doesn’t seem to come easy for him today.

Jin was already softly snoring a bit as he started moaning in his sleep. Suga turns his head to see what’s up with Jin. Jin is sweating and turning in his sleep. Suga gets up worriedly and walks to Jin’s bed. Softly he says “Hyung, it’s okay, I’m here.” This isn’t the first time he had nightmares… This happened so often, I am worried something is eating at Jin in his unconcious. He sits next to Jin on his bed, looking as the beads of sweat roll down Jin’s long neck, dripping over the collarbones. God, he looks so divine like this… Suga shakes head at the thought and closes his eyes. must. resist. Jin moans again and Suga looks back at Jin, seeing the fine features of his face in the moonlight falling into the room from the window. He softly touches Jin’s face and strokes through his hair. “sssttt, easy now Hyung. I am right here” He sighs and lifts the blankets of Jin’s bed. He lays down next to Jin and spoons him into a hug. “I am just doing what I have always been doing for you when you have nightmares like these… so don’t think weirdly of it, just because of…” He starts to blush again as he re-imagines the scene.

Eventually Jin calmed down at the embrace and Suga falls asleep too, feeling so relaxed at holding Jin.