Exceptional writing!

"What’s great: If I could give the writing style more than five stars I would. It’s obvious this isn’t a first draft. The writer does not rely on tired word packages so many newbies (including myself) often do, but instead, puts in real effort to craft novel descriptions and insights that make the read itself an absolute joy. What’s good: The characters are believable. The dialogue is kinetic and witty. Normally, I might be annoyed that some of the characters are essentially clones of each other, and I would suggest collapsing the cast of clones into one character, but it seems to be appropriate in this story. If it’s a social commentary on our increasingly emotionally muted, meaning-for-meme, NPC culture, this communicates that well. What needs work: Some of the earlier battle sequences. What makes a battle sequence great, in my opinion, is anticipation/apprehension for the outcome. This requires us to care about the outcome. The convention of this story, however, makes that difficult. We are basically reading a transcript of a lets play where the characters duke it out in VR. Later I did care because the story develops the personal lives of the core characters and raises the stakes. But in some of the earlier scenes I found myself skimming through whole sections just to get to the meat of the story. Even with that, it’s a fantastic read and the author clearly has a future in writing."