Bittersweet Grad Night
Today I graduated from high school and now I’m out with friends; it’s a bittersweet grad night.
Even though I’ve walked this campus five days a week for the past four years I don’t recognize it. Besides the fact that it’s night, the school grounds is completely transformed. There’s balloons, congratulatory banners,mobile attractions, huddles of friends, and tons of food everywhere.
Everything looks amazing and I feel amazing. As I wait for my friends who have momentarily left me to tinkle I enjoy the night breeze. The wind hits my face and jostles my hair.
This is really the last day I’ll ever be here. Such an exciting yet saddening prospect.
My phone vibrates and I reach into my back pocket to check my notifications. It’s just my mom checking in.
“Hope ur having fun sweetie. I’m so proud of my little grad!”
I send her a heart in response. Still on my phone, I notice someone standing directly two feet in front of me.
I adjust my faux but fashionable glasses and look up at them.
*
Tonight’s grad night. I don’t care about celebrating, I don’t care about the food, and yearbook signing, or taking pictures; all I want to do-all I need to do is tell her what I’ve been holding in for the past three and a half years. Tonight, all I care about is Ren Lewis.
I watch her as she leans against the wall just outside of the girl’s bathroom. She’s wearing her usual navy blue pullover and beige shorts despite the cool breeze. I wonder if she’s cold. She’s also wearing shin high white socks and her white stained vans now decorated with what looks like names. It’s kind of hard to tell from here but her friends and classmates probably signed her shoes.
I can’t help but smile while admiring her curly red hair. It looks different than normal; part of it is in a high ponytail while the rest hangs effortlessly underneath.
I straighten my flannel out that I ironed myself earlier today and approach her with my yearbook in hand. I got it for free since I am, or rather, was head of the yearbook club.
She’s looking at her phone so I wait patiently while admiring her long eyelashes. She’s so perfect.
She slowly lifts her head and stares at me through her glasses. I know they’re fake but the look really cute on her.
“Hi, we never had any classes together...well accept like one but I got moved from that class since...” I’m talking too much.
I cut to the chase, “Anyway, will you sign my yearbook?”
She pulls out four mini sharpies from her front pocket and and presents them to me, “Blue, red, black, or green?”
That was easier than I expected. Though I shouldn’t be surprised since she’s nice to everyone from what I’ve seen.
“You pick, if you want,” I tell her.
“I’m okay with that.” We exchange yearbooks.
She flips through a couple pages and begins writing when she finds a spot. I made sure to have just enough signatures so she would see I’m not a freak or loner. Over half of my signatures are from the yearbook team, one friend, teachers, counselors, and students that recognized me from taking their photos throughout the school year.
As I write my message I glance up at her and smile. She’s alternating the colors as she writes a special message just for me.
I flip towards the end of the book, where her spread is. Whether it was creepy or not I chose to make two pages dedicated to photos of Ren at school. In most of the photos she was aware that her pictures were being taken but I’ve also added some candid shots of her.
Anyway, pretty much all the students that have dedicated pages or spreads to their friends identified themselves but I chose to remain anonymous and took up the name Wallflower.
I begin my message directly under my favorite shot of her preparing to put a dandelion in her hair. I remember the day I took the photo, it was warm and sunny.
From the corner of my eye I can see that Ren has finished writing her message and is blowing on the page to dry the ink.
I read my message over carefully before handing her yearbook back: TO REN. THE GIRL I’VE SEEN OFTEN BUT REGRETTABLY NEVER WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO SPEAK TO. I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW YOU. MAYBE I STILL HAVE A CHANCE TO? -WALFLOWER
Besides the mistake I made in spelling my own pseudonym wrong I’m happy with what I’ve written.
We both hand each other our books back.
I thank her and she smiles, watching me expectantly, “You can read it now if you want.”
“Okay, sure.” I can hardly hold back my joy and excitement.
Dan, I hope it’s okay I call you that! We never talked much but I do remember seeing you around campus taking lotsa pics. Didn’t you take a couple of me too? Have a great Summer and see you soon! -Ren AKA Red
See you soon? She wants to see me soon?
*
“I know you probably think it’s weird that I know your name but I do know it for a reason.” I admit to Dan.
“And what’s that?” He leans in and I notice the flower necklace encased in glass around his neck.
“Cool necklace!” I blurt out.
He caresses it and smiles, “Thanks. It was a gift from me to myself.”
A small chuckle escapes my throat and I ask, “By the way do you know who Wallflower might be? I was thinking it was probably one of my friends but I’m not sure. I mean, they’re the only ones who I can think of that would make a dedication to me. Besides my mom.” I stare at him inquisitively. I didn’t notice until now but he looks like a slimmer and younger version of Obama. I wonder if it’d offend him if I told him that. I won’t say anything for now.
“Actually yeah I do. Everyone who made a submission had to do it in person so...”
“Oh great, tell me!”
“I will, once you read what I wrote first.”
“Deal!” I look down, spot his message, and read over it quickly.
Wait a minute.
I adjust my glasses as if they were real and read his words again slowly.
He’s Wallflower!?
I feel a lump in my throat and my palms start feeling sweaty.
“Um Dan?”
I slowly look up at him and he has the biggest smile on his face.
“Are you really Wallflower?”
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry if you think it’s creepy but it’s the only way I could think of how to tell you how I feel about you.”
I close my eyes tightly and hold my finger up, “Okay! We’re related! That’s why I know who you are! I just found out last week. My mom and your dad are brother and sister. Since they didn’t grow up together they lost contact until recently.” I almost have to catch my breath. His shoulders slump and I almost feel sorry for him if I wasn’t feeling so uncomfortable.
“Oh.” Is all he manages to utter.
“I mean we even have the same last name.”
He tries to find words to say and finally speaks, “I thought it was just a coincidence. There’s at least nine other Lewis’s at this school and none of them are related except two of them...and us apparently.”
“Yeah...” I say awkwardly before biting my lip.
“And,” he continues, “since you’re white and I’m black I didn’t really think that we’d actually be related.”
“Well you’re half back and half white, right?”
He places his large hand over his face and sighs deeply, mouthing “Oh my God” to himself.
He then pinches the area between his eyes and tilts his head back, “Yeah, yeah you’re right. I’m just so stupid, I didn’t think that...all this time! Man I’m so weird! This is so wrong! This is so messed up! Oh my God.”
He begins pacing back and forth muttering to himself.
“I’m so sorry. For all of this. I should have just...I don’t know, I’m sorry.” He sputters.
“Your dad didn’t tell you?”
He quickly shakes his head, “No. I’ve been staying with my mom for the past month and I’ve been ignoring his calls. Oh my God that’s probably what he’s been trying to tell me.That I have a freaking relative at my high school.”
“Well it’s not your fault, you didn’t know.” I try to ease the awkwardness of the situation, “I don’t blame you.”
*
It falls silent and I stare at the ground feeling like a complete, brainless idiot.
“Well, I’m waiting for my friends in the bathroom, you wanna try the fun maze with us?” She extends a nice but most likely obligatory invitation.
I was feeling anything but fun, “No, no that’s okay. I think I’m just going to head home now.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I have some college stuff to take care of anyway. But thanks.”
She shrugs and attempts to lighten the mood, “Uh, happy graduation?”
A small snort escapes her.
I can’t help but chuckle too and I give her an appropriately platonic hug, “Happy graduation, Ren, or Red, or cousin?”
We both pull away and laugh together.
“This was...” I search for the words to say.
She finishes my sentence, “So weird?”
“Yeah, so weird. It was nice meeting you though, cousin.” I tap her shoulder with my knuckles lightly, “See you.”
Her small hands peak out from her oversized sweater and she waves at me, “Bye.”
I turn around and walk away. In retrospect I did accomplish what I wanted to today, although the results were totally unexpected to say the least.
“Hey Dan!” She calls out to me,“I hope you mean that because we’re having a family reunion in a few months, I hope to see you there!”
“For sure,” I promise her.
With each step I feel relieved, disappointed, happy, and troubled all at once, from this bittersweet night.
(1,700 Words)
