PROLOGUE
“I’m falling... falling into my own mind! How is this even possible? It feels like I can’t stop, like I’m falling into an endless abyss, with no way out, no one to reach out to. No! The blackout is back, but this time it’s different. The strange presence said “switch places”... did that meant what I think it did? No, no... not like this. I had so many things to do, places to visit, dreams to fulfill... now I’m surrounded by pitch black. No sound, no feelings, no nothing. Is this the end for me? Was this all I was meant to do in my life? Fall prey to some weird cult or whatever they are... not having a chance with Emma... yes, if I have a huge regret and if this ends right here and now, it would be her... Huh? The falling sensation has stopped; does it mean that we switched places? Or am I dead? If I’m still here, it means I’m not dead, but I can’t see or feel a damn thing.”
“Hey! Anyone hears me? Emma? Dave? Sandra? Answer me!”
“Since I’m inside my own mind, I guess no one can hear me scream. It makes sense, since I no longer can control or feel my body. So this is it, all alone, trapped inside my own head with no way out. Who would’ve guessed that something this out of the ordinary would happen to me? I got what I wanted, something different from life... to hell with this. What’s more ironic is that in the end I’m still talking to myself.”
I like your ideas. However, your sentence structure needs some work as there are a lot of run-on sentences using commas where a full stop would do. Also, your blurb could be more concise and it doesn't need the advertising at the end - on this site, most of the best stories hook the readers with the plot description alone.
@lka Thanks. I will look into what you pin-pointed and see how I can fix it.
Hello, I really like the imagination you apply to your writing - it's vivid and easy to follow. Take your time to proof read grammar and flow before you post, else you'll be carried away by your own enthusiasm.