A Collection of Questions, Essays, and What Ifs

March 5th, 2019

What is, life?

That's a good question.

If you came for answers, leave now. I only come up with the questions that stray throughout your mind at night when you're all alone, waiting to practice death.

I don't even know where to begin.

Let's start with my ex-best friend. I think that was the first real problem that led to my eventual Doom. Don't ask why Doom is capitalized. I can't give you answers.

So I guess long story short we just fell apart. I was forced to grow up, a long time ago. I don't think it was really anyone specifically that made me do this, but I think it was more of me just realizing how fucked up this world is.

How much I don't even belong here.

Maybe there weren't wars right now, but with Trump president I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't happen.

Getting off track, let's refocus.

I grew up. She didn't. And then, it seemed she became even more grown up that I was. She changed. She behaved differently.

You would think that it would happen in, maybe, a span of years. No, I lost her within seconds.

You guys ever watch infinity wars? Yeah. The snap. That's what it was like. So a big fuck you to whichever Thanos is in my universe.

You laugh but I cried. I still cry. But it's all said and done and life moves on.

Speaking of which, something I've noticed is that life doesn't wait.

If you lost someone, or you're feeling down, well guess what?

Sucks for you because time will still go on. The Earth could blow up, and guess what? The clock on Mars or some shit would still tick every second.

That's just how it goes. That's life? Wait. But it's so much more than that.

Life is what is perceived through the viewer. Every single person we meet. Even if it's a bump in the shoulder, it has a purpose- wait. I'm not supposed to be giving you answers!

You little shit, I see you.

Tricky bastards, you are.

Humans, that is. They always have a dark side, or an inside bastard, if you will. Always some secret they're hiding. Always someone they're confiding in.

I don't think I see the dark side of people until I really just d i g i n. I find what makes them tick. But sometimes they have multiple clocks and they can try to synchronize but they will never be perfect.

There will always be, that little crack.

The keyhole in the doorway.

The piece of the puzzle that you can never find.

It's that gap in their existence. If you take a little peek inside, which I highly advise you don't, you won't like what you find.

On the subject of remembering, (just go with it, okay?) I've been told I'm a goldfish cracker. Apparently I have a low attention span and I also have very poor memory.

I usually need someone to explain what the actual fuck they're talking about for me to get a grip of the past.

Which is not that great, because people like to lie to me. And I can't even remember, so I just go with whatever they said and hope they didn't just leave me blind.

So what's today's lesson?

People fucking suck.