He’s Here
Day 1
He was there, the new hospital I was going to work in for the next 2 months.
My old crush, who was a year older than me
Sitting on the bed next to mine, playing with his phone, not noticing me.
OMG...I’m panicked! Try to not care about him...you’re not ready to love someone new
You even don’t know your self,don’t try to make your life more complicated than this.
Ignore him. Ok?
-Ok
It was me,having this conversation on my mind.
Day 7
My first shift with him
I was alone with him in pavilion
He was laying on the bed next to mine
I was in love
Yes...I was
I didn’t want this,or I don’t know
Maybe I did
I don’t care, he makes me feel good. Feel young
I wanna shout and tell everybody at hospital that I like him
Day 10
I’ve made some progress
Maybe he feels the same
Maybe he likes me too
Today
He said bye, with a smile on
It was new
Day 11
Second shift
Till when we’re going to lay next to each other and not talk?
Are you pretending?
Cause I’m pretending, I love you
Day 12
Some times I miss you
I check my phone to see if you’ve texted me, however I know you don’t have my number.
Day 14
I’m counting the days.
I know after 16 days,you won’t be laying down on this bed, next to me
I wish I was brave enough to tell you that I’m gay and love you.
Maybe you were afraid like me
Or of me.
Day 16
It has been 2 days that haven’t seen him.
I skipped my clinic seasion today to see you for 1 hour more.
He was not there.
Day 17
He didn’t join me for lunch today
I know
I did know
He doesn’t like me
All these signs are made by my brain
Crush + Pain = LOVE
Day 20
I want him
I want him so bad
I want to have him
Don’t know the rest or what to do next.
Day 22
Maybe this pain makes it valuable.
-what if it had a happy ending?
-what if this is the happy ending?
Day 23
Can I count today as 3 days?
Too much progression in one shift and one day.
Is it going to be like what I want?
Does he have feelings to me?
What am I doing?
Am I going crazy?
Was I ready?
Why did I wish for it?
Day 24:
And now as he rests next to me,I don’t know why but I keep remembering all those tan skin and blond hair of Oliver, Elio was talking about in “call me by your name “
Day 25
5 days...then he will leave this hospital
And after 2 months, he’s going to leave town forever
I wish I had more time
To know him, to get close, to let him know what I feel about him, to had chance
Should I keep loving him?
Or let him go?
It’s hard
It’s like having a dead baby in your stomach, you don’t want let him go, But you have to
Day 26
- you know what I want right now?
-what?
- that he asks me “what you’re reading?”
Then I can answer “call me by your name “
-then what?
- then he would ask me what’s it about?
I can telk him the story...a young boy falls in love with a young American guy
-but then what?
- I don’t know. What should I do then?
Is it a game or I’m making it a game?
Day 28
I’m considering changing my plans, to be at his ward next month
Then I will have this chance to know him more or maybe I tell him the truth.
But...I’m gonna loose my friends
We supposed to be together next few months
Help each other at hospital
Oh god...I’m selfish and silly
He doesn’t like me, why should I do this?
Day 29
just 2 days left
I’m staying at hospital tomorrow
He too
I changed my shift last week, to be with him his last day.His last day at my hospital.
Still thinking about changing my next ward’s schedule.
Day 30
LAST DAY
and the way he sleeps...
Just need those arms
Nothing else
Can’t get enough of watching him
I won’t even have any photo of him to memorize
Last few minutes together
I wish I could’ve told him how much I’m gonna miss him
I wish you were friendlier
I wish you did love me the way I did
I wish it was not a goodbye
It was a goodbye
On the street
Cold windy day
And the first snow of the year
He said bye, with a smile on his face
That’s the way he says bye to his close friends
I assume we were close
I have to change my next course
I have to be with him his last month in town
Can’t let my story finish like this
