Side Effects

Here’s the thing life’s complicated. Really complicated. So complicated that even sleep is complicated. I tried to sleep and I know I did fall asleep but it felt like I didn’t. I “woke up” feeling the stickiness of dried tears on my cheeks that had sat there since last night. I put the quotes on the woke up cause I felt like I been awake the whole time feeling those stains lining my face like war paint.

I rubbed at them cracking them blending what’s left into my rough skin as I glance at the clock, just a mere two minutes before the alarms to go off. Might as well get up now, not like my mind is going to let me catch up on sleep in a whole two minutes. I grabbed my phone turning the alarm off before it could blast me awake with that harsh reminder that I had to get out of the comfort of this warm bed and face that cold dungeon that they call high school.

Up and out to the bathroom where first things first washing my face. With the scrubbing soap soaks in I stare at the mirror looking at my lackluster of a face. I can see the exhaustion on my face, no dark circles guess that’s going in my favor. But there’s just a general drain I could see it in my damped brown eyes and fallen brows which showed the feelings I had inside. Not too surprise, past few weeks since school started has been rough, only plus is my friends, and that haven of a bedroom.

I clean my face off and comb back my thick brown hair that was growing a little too long for my liking. Guess I’ll have to go to the hair cutters and get it trimmed. But not much I could do with it at seven in the morning. As I spat out my toothpaste, I looked in the mirror at my meek body that perfectly matched the face. I titled my chin, I saw the faintest discoloration in my cheek the result of meeting the wrong person at school. I rubbed it watching the skin on my cheek go up least the bruise didn’t hurt anymore. As I felt the roughness from old acne scar that had long since scabbed over, I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d ever go away, maybe if I could grow facial hair, I could hide them. Yeah no. Sadly at almost eighteen I still only had hair on my head and where I don’t care to mention.

I looked down at my body I noticed how the giant t-shirt I wore to bed hung limply almost looking like a tent with my body being the pole holding it up. Let’s just move on.

I slipped back into the safe zone of my bedroom and got dressed glancing at the clock to see I was right on time. I pulled my black slakes up slipped the belt through the loops, put my collared white shirt on and buttoned up and adjusted the cuffs on the sleeves to make sure they were perfectly in place.

I laced my dress shoes and glanced to the dresser and grabbed my glasses and placed them on my face adjusting them so they were not crocked. I studied myself put together, I at least played the part of a high school kid. And in this light with the clothes that made me, well me on I didn’t look so drained.

I looked to the clock, ahead of schedule now. I felt my shoulders slump, why was I ahead of time? I’m not in a hurry. I glanced at my bed down at my wrinkle-free clothes and bounced on the balls of my feet catching the door of my room out of the corner of my eye. Finally, I walked to the bed and did a trust fall on it and laid there my long lanky legs hanging over the edge. I clenched the comforter a few times thinking to myself I didn’t want to go downstairs till they had gone to work. I glanced to the clock and watched the minutes add up and as they added up, I began to add them in my head, I go to school, force my way through, with my head down that’s key, then I find my friends to help pick me up, then I get to come home and hid in the room till they demanded I come down then run back up just before the bomb went off again as it seemed to always do nowadays.

Finally, it got to be seven thirty and I knew they had to be gone. I got back up and grabbed my backpack checked everything was in there and went slowly down the steps. However, as a rounded the corner my heart dropped.

“Mom.”

She sat at the table scrolling through her phone. She glanced up and smiled widely like nothing of what had occur last night happen, “Morning A. Jay. You’re down later than normal.”

I gave a hard swallow looking over at the counter that had a stack of bagels on top of the old breadbox no one used. “Yeah just um…” I didn’t finish my statement as I put my backpack down on the table and went over to the beagles and pulled one out and cut it open, I opened the peanut butter and began to slather the halves. I then began to eat the one half going to the fridge for some orange juice when my mom spoke again and I flinched forgetting she was even there, “You good sweetheart?”

I glanced at her then kept going to the fridge as I swallowed the bit of beagle I had in my mouth and poured some juice and drank that on my exhale I faked a cheery voice and said, “Yeah everything’s fine.”

“Just tired?”

“Yep, that’s it. What are you still doing here?” I asked still in a cheery voice but showing a hint of annoyance as I was getting tired of the early morning questions and the clear ignorance of last night.

“I thought I see you before you went to school. I’m going to be working the late shift and after dinner I have to go out.”

I nodded, that’s good. I can’t help but be happy because it meant that I get a reprieve from the yelling. I glanced at the clock at noticed I had twenty minutes till school. I didn’t need to leave for another five but I think I’ll just stick with being early today. I grabbed an energy drink which made my mom comment, “One of these days those drinks are going to catch up to you.”

I shook my head and looked at her teasingly, “Properly, most things do, but that day is not today, I’ll be home after school.” I stanched the rest of my bagel and dumped my orange juice in a travel mug, “I gotta go.”

“Okay, I’ll see you when I get home, is your study group meeting today?”

“I don’t know mom, I’ll see ya later.” And with that, I threw my backpack on my shoulder moving to leave.

“Please keep me posted.”

I hesitated before I sprinted out the door and gave her a thumbs up not looking at her as I did so, “Will do.” and sprinted out the garage door and slipped through the side door and out to my used car and hoped into it and started driving to school. I got there within eight minutes and thanks to being a good ten minutes earlier I got a better parking spot than usual.

I began to wonder if maybe coming early like this had other perks like be ahead of the other problem in my life. I stayed in my care a moment to eat the one half of my bagel I had started at home and carried the other half with me as I walked through the school doors.

I was immediately greeted by a less noisy version of a normal school day which was nice since I wasn’t interested in dealing with the crowds and cliques which often huddled against walls or in the middle of the hallway. However, there was one clique which I didn’t want to see so early in the morning.

Some of the cheerleaders in their trendy clothes and overdone hair and makeup, which practically masked their real faces, which is scary when you think about it cause the one time they don’t wear it you think it’s a kid you never met before. I eyed them to see if any of the people they hung out with were around and thankfully it looks like they weren’t. Least I could dodge their boyfriends and others they hung out with for a little while longer. But I couldn’t dodge the harsh stares they gave me for even looking their way.

I hung my head and kept going. I reached my locker not bumping into anyone on the way. Which if I had shown up my normal time that wouldn’t have been the case at all. I probably would have run into five people dropped the bagel or even accidentally send it flying into someone else. But that was, thank the lord not the case. As I made it to my locker and gloriously didn’t have to shove my skinny body between people to reach it. I was able to face my locker completely and take my time to grab the books that I needed. I glanced around not hearing the only person I always worked so hard to avoid in the morning. Bet he hasn’t even woken up yet, I could seriously get used to this.

I walked to my first class and sat down in the room. I was the only one there for a while and I was perfectly fine with that. I pulled my orange juice out and finished my bagel and enjoyed my juice in peace I thought to myself I could get used to this. In fact, I might just have to be earlier than normal from this point on just to have this peace I normally don’t get. Maybe today will be better. Mom seemed happy, my morning didn’t end with me smashed against people or a locker and I got to actually eat my breakfast! The whole damn thing! Ha, yeah I think I could get used to this.