Savior

I found God in a dark and empty parking lot

Wrapped in the embrace of lust with a man

I would never know his soul.

I found my saving grace in fit of manic depression

I found my savior in a bottle of vodka,

Blood dripping on the floor.

The medication wasn’t working

The blades lost their shine

The bottle started to empty

Knowing it wasn’t mine

The liquor churned my stomach

As I heaved and sweat and cried

The late nights I spent sobbing and bleeding

Were just running me dry

I wanted for death

for the dark cloud to roll me over

I sliced into my skin and dragged

Dolling out punishments for my curse

The walls started to blur

my heart rate was increasing

The liquor spilled onto the floor

My tear drops soon ceasing

The colour started to fade

but the light became too bright

The life I held onto once so desperately was fleeting from my sight

The room was spinning

My skin sweating

The beat of my heart was all consuming and numbing

I cried and I screamed

fear consuming me

Eating away at what was left of the skin I destroyed

Every demon in my brain was let loose and set free

climbing up the walls and staring at me

Chanting and heckling as I lay there dying

Looking up helplessly and begging for Christ.

I lived that night

I woke up to the sun

To a pounding in my head and a throbbing in my arm

I needed the light

to see all the colours.

I needed to feel the weather on my face and the embrace of another

I wanted human contact

I needed your skin on mine

I needed to do something that would make me feel alive

What I felt that night couldn’t have been wrong

I fo

und my saving grace in the middle of your palm

You gave me what I needed

contact and light and life

It was dark outside but in that car oh so bright.

I felt alive for the first time in months

The colour came back to my face

I was inspired again to start writing

Finding beauty in a desolate place

You introduced me to God

I was no stranger to sin

The devil and I were friends

he gave me a time to clock in

But you showed me the light that I lacked in my life

Gave me a sanctuary to pray

I spoke to God and found his mercy

I found the path to get through each day

The fullness in my heart made me think I would explode

I’d never felt love like that before

Not from anyone in this world

The hangover may never pass

This life is a drink

A bottle of liquor designed to stop your mind to think

I’m a slave to the alcohol

A slave to my sin

A slave to every verse that tells me how to let Christ In

I never thought I’d find true love

I’m still not sure if I have

But I found the father I never had

In an allegory story of ahead

The glory I found in the story of life

Is more than I ever found inside

I understand now the struggle with religion

Of believing in something you cannot see

The power that He gave me

Was far more than I could ask

I found a savior in his body

Contemplating

My foot on the gas

I went home that night

A smile on my face

Feeling a fullness in my soul underneath the cover of the night

Jesus May be our savior

But you are mine

You’ll never know what you did to me

But thank you for the divine.