Chapter 1
“Jo! Come on girl we have to go now.” Johum turned towards her ever so annoying best friend, her hair slapping against her face as she stood at the seashore. She threw an intense glare her way before letting out a curse and fumbled through her purse. Again, why did she bring Rua with her?
“I did not come here for you to whine every five minutes. We have to settle things for the Christmas break Rua.” She sighed, fishing out her phone. Her thumb ran over the screen of her brand new phone and then she pressed it against her ear. The beeping sound boiled her blood and she refrained herself from throwing the phone in the water for it was her third set this month already. Her dad as well as brother would not be happy about it.
After all she did promise to lessen her tantrums and not to waste money like water. Johum had hard time controlling her temper but she didn't spend six months in rehab for nothing, she must learn to control her anger and foolish tantrums.
“She cut my call once again. I don’t even care anymore. We shall go without informing her.” She slipped the sleek metallic object in the back pocket of her leather jeans and hugged her waist when the cold wind hit her.
“Samantha would have informed you if she wanted to accompany us on our trip. I guess she just doesn’t want to hurt you.” Rua shrugged and tucked her hair under her hijab that were coming out as stray locks on her forehead. Johum - feeling the irritation at Samantha’s behavior shook her head and turned to Rua.
“We have been planning this trip for six months now! It’s been one semester only and she’s already so committed to her studies.” She huffed. Rua rolled her eyes at her dramatic friend and scoffed.
“Not everyone has a future planned out for them. Some people need to work their asses off.” Rua said with a sour face. Johum let out a chuckle and pushed her friend.
“Touche.” She clicked her tongue. Rua huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Can we go now? I have a late night shift at work tonight.” She gazed at her watch, “We’ll talk to Sam about camping tomorrow in history, she will be there I am sure. It’s university trip so she can not miss it even if she is not coming with us on Christmas picnic.” She stated when they started walking towards Johum’s car. Johum almost growled as she saw her driver but only clenched her teeth in annoyance. Why did her father think of her as a child? Her driver was always sticking to her like glue and she as well should marry him. But he was an old pal and that was sad. Tsk tsk.
“Fine. But Murat is going with us, he can’t even trust me with uni trip.” She huffed. Johum was nineteen for God’s sake, she didn’t need supervisor all the time. But her rebelliousness in past had a cost and it was this.
“Wow. Your brother’s here?” Rua smirked. Johum laughed off and slipped inside the car along with Rua. She always found her crush on Murat amusing.
“With his wife and only for few days.” Johum said slyly. “And she is beautiful and kind. He wouldn’t consider a second wife for he loves her with his entire being.” Johum cut in before Rua could suggest second marriage. It was merely a joke but both of them liked discussing the interesting life of her brother - Rua more than Johum of course.
“Awh man!” She whined as driver started the car, “I have met her once and I wish I could say that she’s not good enough for him. She is perfection!” Rua admired. Johum reluctantly nodded, she didn’t like to praise people and kept her feelings to herself. She always thought it would be a boost to their ego but for all she knew, Nehir possessed no ego.
“Yep!” She shrugged scrolling on her phone once again, “They have been through a lot and still love each other like crazy.”
“Aw don’t you want someone to love you like that?” Rua let out a dreamy sigh as they cruised towards her house. Johum paused scrolling and turned towards Rua. She clicked the button to lock the phone and shook her head.
“Nope! Don’t wish myself upon anyone.” She stated, leaning back against the seat. And it was true, love was a dangerous thing and it acted as a potion to your senses. It intoxicated you yet destroyed you even more. She had witnessed her cousin crying for a year for the love of her life. Yarah was her name, she recently got married much to Johum’s dismay. By God, Johum had once thought she was in love with Yarah’s husband and fought with the poor girl like a three years old.
Well, that was her eighteen years old self and now she was nineteen, twenty in two months. Mature and a lady. A lady out of rehab yeah sure. Pfft!
It had only been her fascination towards Issam because she was jealous, and a kid and a brat. Johum winced at her eighteen year old self.
But not only these people have witnessed the cruelty of love, Johum was the target of this poisonous yet intoxicating emotion. She had been, for half a year now. She had never believed in love at first sight and God Almighty made her believe in it for she had been the target.
Yarah’s life had been much more better than her own brother. Murat had suffered a lot more than her cousin due to this foolish emotion called love. He had lost his child and almost his wife. She had never seen him so miserable and it had been only seven months when she visited him in Turkey after he was attacked by a lunatic.
So love? A big no for her. Yeah she could have said that a few months ago when she did not shamelessly let her eyes wander towards a certain person, a person who was off limits and who called her sister.
Six months ago, when Johum took her first step inside NYU, she had met two most amazing human beings that she was privileged to call her best friends. She never had best friends and those she did... she did not want to think about past.
Six months have gone by and she had thought she would get over the stupid infatuation but that obsession turned in to love, a love that could not be erased no matter what she did.
From the very first day, when she saw the elegant italics that his fingers left over the piece of paper, when the bones on his hands flexed as he wrote, when she witnessed the small cut on his right eyebrow, when her eyes zoomed on his straight arrogant nose, when her heart almost shuttered when his pinkish lips curved up in to a beautiful smile, she was in love.
“Come on Jo! Why do you underestimate yourself so? You’re beautiful and any guy would love to love you.” Rua giggled, dragging her back from the memory lane. She saw him everyday, his walk when he would slip his hand inside the right pocket of his slacks, when he would enter the class and give everyone a smile, when he would run a hand over his trimmed stubble. Johum sighed sadly and shook her thoughts away. Only three and a half more years and he would be no more in her life. She turned her attention to Rua and said,
“Excuse me? I don’t underestimate myself. I know I am beautiful - at least from outside.” She winked.
“You’re beautiful from inside too.” Rua pouted. Johum chuckled and shook her head.
“Yeah...” She trailed off.
“We’re here ma’am.” Both girls looked up at the driver and noticed that indeed they were parked outside Rua’s house.
“Okay see you tomorrow. Good night!” She chirped and got out of the car. Johum waved at her when chauffeur reversed the car and took the route towards her own house. Johum let out a tired yawn but refrained herself from sleeping. Although Mr. Crowley had been their chauffeur for fifteen years now and took her and Murat to school when they were younger, Johum still did not trust him.
She had trust issues and that linked with her past. A place she would never wish to go. She flinched whenever she thought about her time in Turkey and almost instantly went in to panic mode so she never thought about that.
Thus she kept her eyes open until she reached home for the fear of Mr. Crowley taking her elsewhere. Nobody knew what had happened to her and she had been too ashamed to tell anyone. So she chose the easiest path and started taking drugs and that let to utter exploitation. Thank God she was alright now and didn’t have the need to inject drugs in her body anymore.
Murat had a little suspicion about her strange behavior but he never pushed her too far. It had been two years since that happened, since Murat noticed the changes in her but he never forced the answers out of her. Of course he tap danced around the actual question but Johum always dodged the actual inquiry.
The car stopped in front of the mansion and she got out after thanking the old man. She sauntered towards her room, silently thanking heavens that no one was in the hallway for she was not ready to have a nice little chat with anyone right now. She closed the door and threw her bag on the bed before walking inside the washroom to get fresh and remove her makeup.
After she had changed in to her night clothes that included faded blue pyjamas and white tee shirt, she laid down on her bed and just gave herself in to thoughts.
Him.
He was always on her mind. She had begged God to erase this emotion from her heart for him because she was not worthy of such emotion for a person like him.
She stared at the ceiling and let out a sigh. She found herself in a beautiful dull gold dress, her hair were in a bun, her eyes were narrowed as she continuously smiled at everyone. She was grinning at her friends who teased her and he was looking at her fondly.
Her hand was clasped in his huge one, his fingers interlaced with her own. He looked so handsome in charcoal suit that he wore and the smile on his face was for her. He was smiling at her because he was in love with her.
Together they said goodbye to her family and then he escorted her in to their new home. He gave her a smile and told her that he was lucky to have her.
The reality interrupted her sweet fantasy as the bells over her door jingled due to the wind blowing from outside. Johum sat up and then rubbed her eyes. That beautiful imagination would remain only that, a production of her creative mind. She would never get to live that dream ever.
It would be cruel for him to be tied to someone like her but that did not mean she could not allow him in her dreams. Sighing, she turned over her belly and started drawing away, a smile on her face. The painting supplies were always kept on her side table for whenever she memorized another breath taking feature of his, she would draw it.
She had the color and shape of his eyes carved in her mind. So she made small strokes with the brush on the canvas using the stormy color to show his beautiful eyes and dark color to draw his eyebrows.
He was staring at her, his gray eyes narrowed as they smiled and his eyebrows drew together. The cut on his right eyebrow was also visible and it was only his eyes that she drew, nothing more.
After a lot of yawns and smiles, the piece was ready to be tucked in her collection.
Johum chuckled at her own silliness and slipped under the covers, thinking about his stormy gray eyes that never lifted from the floor until necessary.
The next morning wasn’t any different. Once she got ready and had breakfast, Johum walked towards the car and waited for the driver to drop her off to the university. The cold air of December nipped at her skin making her shiver so she wrapped her leather jacket tightly around herself.
Once in university, she made her way towards the first class that happened to be English Literature all the while typing a text to her friend Samantha. She typed a long message and was in her own little world when she heard the horn of the car, honking furiously. Panicking, she jumped and crashed her phone on the pavement when she noticed a sleek SUV in front of her.
“Are you kidding me? Damn!!” She shrieked and picked up the phone that now had a cracked screen. For the love of God dad’s gonna kill me now!
The owner of the truck got out and walked towards her gracefully and until now a crowd had started forming around them. People weren’t too close but they were staring at her.
“You startled me.” Knowing that it was her own fault, Johum knew it would be dumb as shit to argue with him and prove herself a bimbo. She huffed and traced the scratches on the phone. She would have to change the screen because a new phone would be a No No for her. Staring at the phone, she noticed the black shoes coming in her view. She slowly lifted her eyes and she stopped breathing when she recognized those hands.
The maroon Aqeeq shone on his ring finger and she saw those hands moving a little. Johum lifted her eyes and breath was knocked out of her lungs to see his beautiful eyes fixed on her face. As if someone hit him, he lowered his gaze to the ground and stepped back.
“I am so sorry. Please forgive me for the damage that I have caused. If you don’t mind, can I pay for the damage?” His voice, it flowed smoothly over her like a chocolate being melted. It was throaty and heavy just like his whole person. He was in a suit today once again with silver tie dangling around his collar.
Johum could not believe that he had spoken more than two words with her. So she cleared her throat and took a deep breath,
“It’s okay. No worries, Mr. Helmy.” She mumbled and stepped back.
“Are you sure?” He asked, his modest gaze still lowered to the pavement. Johum bit her lip and then nodded,
“Yes. Have a good day Sir.” She breathed out and then felt like her heart would explode within her chest. Please make it go away! I don’t want this emotion.
“Alright. Have a nice day. AsSalam Alykum.” He nodded and walked back towards his car. Johum stood there awestruck. She even knew that the hood of his car had a small scratch. How pathetic was that.
They were walking towards their history class, Johum and Rua. Johum was still thinking about this morning when Rua started speaking, "have you noticed the changes in Mr. Helmy today? He was acting strange in seminar, like he was so worried.” She stated. Johum stopped in her tracks and just looked at her as she had not attended the seminar.
“What?” She asked, her heart already aching for him. She prayed that God solves all his problems and her heart was palpitating furiously like it was her own problem.
“Yeah. He was stuttering throughout the presentation.” He had been distracted when his car almost hit her. Johum worried her lip and was about to speak when a voice boomed,
“Ms. Rose and Ms. Daher. The door of my classroom is not for gossiping. You can kindly take it elsewhere.” Johum jumped when the door of classroom opened and the professor stepped out. Great! Now she was late for class. But the concern for her deputy dean was gnawing at her.
“Sorry sir we were just...” Rua stammered.
“You don’t own this classroom.” Johum said and grasped Rua’s hand to walk inside the class. The professor’s jaw ticked as he glared at her.
“I won’t mark your attendance. Sit in my class if you still wish to.” He glared at her and she heard a few students snickering. Rua bickered with her in small whispers too. Johum glared back at the old man and snapped,
“Then there is no use of staring at your boring face.” Some of the students hooted, acting like high schoolers when the professor’s face turned red. Johum turned on her heel and sauntered away.
“What have you done Johum he will never allow us in the class now!” Rua said, panicking as she trailed behind Johum.
“Don’t care.” Johum shrugged, opening her now cracked phone and going through the recent notifications. She was still thinking about him. Was everything okay with him?
“Ya Allah Johum what am I gonna do with you. Now I have to apologize!” She huffed. Johum didn’t pay any attention to her and walked towards the cafeteria. Once they were in their usual seats, Rua started talking mindlessly.
