Chapter 1
Teeth pressed hard against his clenching jaw. The redness in his face resembled fire. His midnight stare ignored my battle. His goal was obvious. He planned to silence the truth. Bury his mistake at my expense. His power far exceeded mine.
His knuckles were white against my throat. I struggled to breathe, to loosen his grip, but my efforts failed. My resistance only angered him, causing him to be more determined to carry out his spiteful plan. My fight weakened against my will and my breathing ceased.
I don’t understand. I’m no longer inside my body. It’s limp and motionless. My face is pale and vacant of expression. My throat remains trapped in the killer’s vindictive clutches. His appearance reflects satisfaction for the unfair task he’s accomplished.
Life has abandoned me deep in the thickness of a wooded area and left me alone with my tears. The only sound I hear is the wind’s occasional whistling through the naked branches of the tall pine trees.
This place is seldom visited. I will be forced to linger in limbo until chance finds me. My body lies buried in a cold, shallow grave, where it will ripen with stink. Foul odor will soon beckon ravening wild animals to feed on my remains.
I’m too young to die. Surely this isn’t my fate, my destination. There are so many things I haven’t done yet. What about my high school graduation? My dreams of one day being married and having children; what happens to those? It’s all gone. One stupid decision erased everything; my entire future. How could I be so naïve? I’m sorry for what I’ve done.
I know I wasn’t perfect, but for the most part I tried to be. Ask my mom. I’m sure she’ll vouch for me. I always treated her with respect. I worked hard in school and always tried to make her proud. I’m her best friend. What kind of God are you? You call yourself mighty. You are a bully. You’re mean and unjust. I thought you loved me. How could I be so stupid? If you really cared for me, you wouldn’t punish me for trying to do the right thing. You would allow me to go home to be with my mom. You know how much she needs me.
My entire life I’ve been taught that justice will prevail. It’s just another lie. The wheels of justice fail to turn in my favor. And what about Karma? Is she sleeping on the job? My offender is living while I’m sentenced to death.
If I can’t be free to roam at will, shouldn’t I at least be allowed to rest in peace? But, how can I? My untimely demise is far from peaceful. I’m helpless to rise above this sea of disagreeable injustice, unscathed.
My reward is cruel and unjust. What happened to the judgement day you promised me? You’ve deprived me of a chance to plead my case. You refuse to hear my testimony. I fail to recognize the proof of your ruling. Don’t we all deserve a second chance? My tragic ending is far harsher than my crime.
Peer-pressure was difficult to overcome in life. I can even admit that I did things I’m ashamed of. I was shallow and vain at times but aren’t most teenagers? Who hasn’t embellished the truth at one time or another?
Day after day I’ll wait for someone to find me. I’ll beg and plead for my life to be reinstated. For the opportunity to relive that unfavorable moment that erased my existence.
What about my legacy? I don’t want to be remembered as the poor girl who was killed and discarded like an unwanted toy. I’ll do better next time. I’ll trust my conscious to guide me. I’ll heed to the screams of my inner voice.
My mother’s broken heart will plead daily for my safe return. How can you punish her for my wrongdoing? She’s been through so much already. I promised to never leave her. Who will she grow old with? Who will take care of her when she’s too feeble to care for herself? This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. I feel her pain in the depth of my tattered ruins. My soul is overcome with agonizing grief.
Responsibility has become my greatest enemy; the harvester of my youth. Its acquaintance gained me nothing. It caused me to forfeit my life. I paid the ultimate price for honesty.
What if my killer is granted parole? Rewarded for his wrongdoings. Given the chance to experience all the things I’ve missed out on. Where is the justification in that?
He doesn’t deserve to live. Darkness is his master. It owns his personality and feeds the bitter unkindness inside him. Remorse for my death is far from him. Sympathy for my mother’s inconsolable grief escapes him. Without hesitation, he suffocated my passion.
Death is a mystery that I can’t comprehend. I’ll never embrace its unwelcoming presence. A dark cloud of determination overshadows me. Misery and distress are my new best friends.
Time and again, I’ve heard it said that everything happens for a reason. Exactly what does that mean? I think it’s a cop out. Just another way to seem less ignorant. But what do I know? I’m only sixteen. Sixteen and dead. And I don’t know why.
Sight is limited by distance, though my eyes are wide open. Worms eat away at my insides but there’s no pain. I am tortured daily by familiar high-pitched voices pleading for discharge, but I’m helpless to free them. My blood begs for compassion, but its requests are denied. I’m deserted by the possibility of rescue.
This must be a nightmare. Mom will wake me soon. This can’t be my eternity.
