Starting Fresh

I’m standing in a church wearing a black suit, staring down at a casket with my sisters name on it. It’s my turn to say goodbye but I’m not ready, I shouldn’t be staring down at her saying bye to her. I should be doing homework with her on the kitchen table, her telling me about stuff her friends have been up to, as I sit there and pretend to listen. I wish it could be the other way around, it’s my fault she’s dead, I should of stopped him from getting to her. I should've warned her that someone was coming to hurt her. Instead I stood there in the hospital outside her door, when she stopped breathing and didn’t do a thing before she was in the hospital and after, when she passed away. She’s my twin, my little sister, I should of protected her but I was to selfish that knife should of never of killed her. She would of expected me to protect her from them, she knew I would’ve of, but I didn’t.

My mum walks up to me and puts her hand on my shoulder, she’s wearing a black dress that Maddie picked out for her when she was going for her job interview. She must of put it on so she feels closer to her.

“Mason, sweetie” her voice breaks trying to get the words out. I see a small tear fall down her face and she quickly wiped it away. Even though she doesn’t carry on, I understand what she means. She can’t believe she’s dead, neither can I.

“Maddie, I’m so sorry what he did to you. I’m going to leave them start fresh just for you, I know you hated me hanging around them, you were scared something was going to happen. And it did, but to you instead of me.”

I stare at her hazel eyes, matching the ones I have. A tear falls down my cheeks and I wipe it away with the sleeve of my blazer before anyone could see. I know no one will judge me for crying but, I never been the emotional type and I’m not going to start now. I need to walk away now, give other people a chance to say goodbye, but my feet won’t move. I’m not ready to walk away just yet, I can’t let her go. She’s been in my life for 17, we’ve never spent a night apart. But I have to spend the rest of my life without her, so I’m going to spend every second of the moment with her.

“Mason, it’s time to move now, other people need to say goodbye” my dad says. He approaches me and guides me away, he knows I don’t want to go but it’s for the best I suppose. It will make me more guilty the more I stand there and stare at her, I turn around to see her one last time. I move away from dad who has joined up with my mum and a couple of friends who are talking about how they can’t believe what happened. I can’t deal with that now, I will have all this when school comes around. People will be staring and talking about her death, the new piece of gossip around here.

I step outside into the murky weather, the rain comes down fast drenching me less than 30 seconds and turning my brown hair into curly which I hate. I rest my head against the brick wall and close my eyes, someone taps me on the shoulder. I look to see who it is, you have got to be kidding me.

I look into the eyes of Tobi, my boss. He looks me up and down, “why aren’t you at Darius house, like everyone else?” He gets in my face and I try to back up, but the wall is in my way. Panic starts to rise up inside and I search around to see if anyone is watching, but I can’t see a figure anywhere in sight.

“I’m at my sister funeral, she died from being stabbed, remember. The person who did it you sent him to.” I say quietly, while looking at my trainers. I know I’ve crossed a line, and I daren’t look at him in the eye.

He lifts my chin up, “I don’t care about your sister, I’m your leader, you listen to me. Understood? You are so lucky I’m not going to punch you in your scrawny face.” He growls in my face.

I nod and he looks me up and down, “make sure you come next time,” he walks off. I watch him he looks around to make sure no one is around., I let out a breath I never knew I holding in.

I hear chatter, I see a group of people walking out the church, pulling umbrellas out their bags and people getting into cars. I see my mum and dad as they say goodbye to some people and I join them. My mum smiles at me as she hugs one of Maddie’s teacher who is telling her about how Maddie had great grades, and is sad about her death, and she wished us well.

We are the last ones to leave the church, I turn around and see some of the young ones staring at me, from the gang. I ignore them and walk to the car, a message from Tobi has appeared on my screen ‘when you get the chance come to Darius it’s ingurent, I need you to do me a favour.’ I don’t bother replying.

We pull up outside the house, I shrug my blazer off and hang it over the staircase and get a few steps up when my mum shouts to me.

“Mason, baby can you come here please” I walk into the kitchen where my parents are sitting at the wooden table. Letters and books littering it, I see them reading a letter from my school, Garden Grove.

“It says you haven’t attended school for the past couple of weeks,” my mum blurts out.

“Of course I have, you’ve seen me every morning walk out in my uniform” I tell them, I look at my mum and then my dad. “You don’t believe me do you?” I shout out.

“Of course we do son, but the head master has asked to see us for a meeting about it” my dad tells me.

“I don’t want to do this right now, I’m going out.”

I slam out the door before they can say anything, grabbing my balzer, I forgot to grab my car keys. So looks like I’m walking through the rain.

I walk towards Darius house, where the others are meeting. I take my phone out my pocket and plug my earphones in and put some Drake on. I notification comes through and it’s mum telling me don’t be out all night, I don’t bother to reply back. I shove my phone back in the inside pocket of my blazer. I walk through Darius garden, childrens broken toys littered on the grass which needs cutting, the paint on the door is starting to peel off and there is a wood on the windows. Someone must of broke on his window, I knock on the door and one of the young one greets me. Tobi is always recruiting high school kids, and a lot of us don’t bother to remember their names.

I walk into the living the room, the smell of weed and smoke hitting me. I see Tobi, Darius and few of the others seated around counting cash out on the white glass table. With fags in their mouth and cans of beer on the table, I sit next to a new guy and he smiles at me.

“Mas, you made it” Tobi acknowledges me.

“Yeah, I couldn’t stay in the house, too many bad memories.”

“I have a 11 o'clock, but I’m busy and he’s offering big money as well. Maybe you can take Kyle he’s new and keen.”

I nod my head and he shows me who Kyle is, he’s light skinned with braids in his hair and wearing a nike tracksuit and shoes. He’s trying to hard to fit in with the others, he’s trying to make conversation with the one of the older ones. But he doesn’t seem that bothered about him, maybe I should tell him not to stress too much about his appearance, I think better of it he will learn soon. Appearance doesn’t mean nothing around this area, the more you look innocent the easier it is to do business quicker. Tobi told me that on the first day of drug business, when I went out for my first time .

“You should head home Mas” Tobi tells me while handing Kyle a can of beer, he looks about 16.

“I just got here, I need more detail about the person I’m dealing with” I tell him.

“You’re wearing a suit, go change into some jeans and a t-shirt. I will text you the details of the guy, I will drop Kyle off for you.”

I walk into my room, Maddie helped me paint it grey and she built the furniture for me as I never had time to do it. I lie on the double bed and stare up at the ceiling, I have a couple of hours to kill before my 11 o’clock job. I shower and change into jeans and t-shirt like Tobi told me, I play some fortnite on the XBox with a few of my high school friends until 11 comes around.

I’m sitting in my Fiat Punto with Kyle, I look at the details Tobi sent to me: His name is Claud, he’s 19 and the address. Apparently he’s rich and wants £50 worth of weed delivered to him.

“Have you got it?” I ask kyle. He nods his head and I start to drive to Clauds house.

“How long have you been in Tobi gang for Mason?” Kyle asks me, this is the first time he’s spoken to me. I’m surprised that his voice is sweet, I was expecting him to have a low voice considering he’s really tall.

“I started when I was 15, I went through a bad time in my life and Tobi offered me this. How old are you?” I ask him. Curiosity getting the better of me.

“I’m 19, my parents kind of kicked me out when they learnt I was doing drugs, my friend is a part of Tobis gang and I had nowhere to live. So he told Tobi about me and here I am.”

“Do you live at Tobis then?” I turned left into Clauds street and look out for the number 24.

“Yeah, I help him pay the rent and the bills, I have a part time job at Asda, as well as doing this in.”

I pull outside Clauds house, Tobi wasn’t joking he has some money well his parents do. He lives in a huge house, it must have like 3 sets of stairs, there are two balconies and Bugatti and 2 Aston Martins in the drive. I see a light turn off in one of the windows at the top of the house, Kyle brings out the goods from his backpack and hands it to me.

I climb out the car and walk towards their gate I ring the intercom hoping Claud answers.

“Hi, can I help you?” Comes a voice from the intercom.