Sonorous

“Ohh baaartender! Can I get another tequila for the birthday girl, please?”

“Cathy, try this Cosmo, isn’t it sooo good?”

The world is a little dizzy. Shrill voices egg me on as I choke on another rum shot, a mixing of alcohol and spit dribbling down my chin. But I’m happy. I can’t stop laughing, I am the happiest I have ever been.

“Aww Catherine, look at you!” Krista coos, trading my empty shot glass for some kind of cocktail.

“Didn’t we tell you we’d take care of you?” Vanessa says, swaying a little herself. “Aren’t you having so much fun?”

“Yeah,” I say dreamily. “I’m having… so… so much fun…!”

“Can you even walk straight?” Kali laughs. “Don’t get sick on me, okay? Let me know if you’re going to be sick.”

“Oh,” I exclaim, “I am really okay, really good, I’m so happy!” I am trying to focus, but it seems like there are four Kali side-by-side. I try to look at where I think the real Kali is sitting, but I might be a little off.

Kali sighs. “You’re so special, you know that? You deserve good things.”

“I feel wonderful…”

“Yeah you do!” Krista laughs, stretching her arm around my shoulders. “You’re the birthday girl, this is your day! We get to treat you like a queen!”

I smile. “Yeah…!”

I am not the type of person who goes out. I’m not really “fun”. This girl laughing and dancing really isn’t me. But it’s my twenty-second birthday. I was too busy to celebrate my twenty-first last year, so Krista and Vanessa made me promise we would do something wild this year. And Kali is right; after all I’ve been through, I deserve nice things… right?

“We need to get you laid,” Krista decides. “How long has it been? Like, forever?”

I wipe my mouth and pull my hand back to find a bright red streak of lipstick. Oh no, did I ruin my makeup? “I don’t know,” I say, and somehow start to feel a little emotional. My intoxicated brain begins to pull up old memories and I take a deep breath to stop the tears from welling up. “Maybe four…? Five months?”

Vanessa’s eyes go wide. “Are you serious? Five months? You haven’t had any sex since John?!”

I shake my head, which makes the entire world turn wildly around me. I grab onto the bar counter to keep myself from falling off the stool.

“Oh honey,” says Krista, “we need to get you back in action. You can’t just grieve forever, right?” She grips my cheeks between her hands, bringing her face close to mine. “You’re young. You’re twenty-two! You need to get out and experience things, you need to live your life!” I can smell the alcohol on her breath as she giggles. “Come on, we can’t let you go stale down there, can we?”

“I’m… I’m not stale,” I mumble. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but the remark hurts a little. I feel embarrassed. I don’t want to be stale (even though I’m fairly certain that’s not how that works). I want to be more like Krista, cheerful and adventurous, always having the time of her life. I want to be more like her, and less like me…

“Come on,” Krista smiles. Her blond hair is escaping its high ponytail, framing her face in a wildly pretty way. “You worked your ass off and got that job you wanted, you need to celebrate before you get stuck in an office again!”

“We’ll find you a nice guy!” Vanessa squeals. “A nice, really nice guy, with a six-pack and a big-”

“What’s your type? Tall, dark and handsome?”

“Someone with a mansion!”

Kali watches patiently, sipping her drink. Kali is the most mature of us, and she would stop us if she thought this was a terrible idea. She cocks a brow when I glance at her, lifting her fingers in an “OK?” symbol.

I take a deep breath and try to smile back, even though I feel overwhelmed. While Krista and Vanessa might sometimes get a little crazy, I know Kali will watch out for me.

“So it’s a plan?” Vanessa squeaks.

“Yeah!”

Krista scampers off before I can say anything, remarkably comfortable in her high heels as she disappears into the crowd. Vanessa hurries to follow her, nearly losing her balance.

“You’re sure you’re alright?” Kali asks.

The music is loud, too loud for my ringing ears. I feel a little sad, and I’m still thinking to myself: Am I really stale? My personality is kind of stale, isn’t it? My little brother used to compare me to an NPC from a video game. “You’re just kind of generic, you know?” But I can’t be feeling sad, not now. I’ve been sad for so long already… “I’m great,” I tell Kali, awkwardly turning myself on the stool. “Can I get a shot please?”

“What kind?”

“Um…” I try to remember the drink names Krista taught me, but they all jumble up. “I, um… Anything, please.”

Kali smiles. “You’re drunk, and you still remember your please and thank yous.”

I groan at myself. While Kali meant it as a compliment, it doesn’t sit well. I need to relax, I need to free myself. I need to become someone other than myself, just for one night. I need to stop being Catherine and become… who?

“This is Joe!” I turn to find Vanessa arm-in-arm with a large muscly guy. His arms are thrice the size of mine, and he wears a tank top and shorts that show off his legs. (Someone doesn’t skip leg day…) “Joe, this is my best friend Cathy! Shakes hands, ’kay?”

He offers his hand, which swallows mine up completely. “Yo.”

“Oh, I-… Yo?”

He sits down at the stool next to me as the bartender sets down a greenish-coloured shot. I’m intrigued, it smells interesting, and it looks creamy…

“Happy birthday,” Joe says. “You’re lucky to have such cute girlfriends to take you out!” He turns and winks at Vanessa, showing off white teeth. “Hey, where’s your drink?”

Vanessa just giggles in reply, almost as drunk as I am. Joe takes this as a good sign and orders her a drink that I don’t recognize. When the bartender sets it down, Joe prompts her, “Drink it up! What a good girl,” and turns his back to me completely.

I stare at the muscle pushing against his back curiously. I’ve never been the athletic type, I wonder how much Joe works out in a typical week… Should I ask him? As Vanessa’s giggles get even louder, I wonder if I should point out the sparkling ring on her finger, but I’m sure he’ll notice soon enough.

“Cathy!” I turn to find Krista dragging bachelor number two out from the crowd. “Cathy, guess who I found?”

I blink. Somehow the guy in question seems reluctant, dragging behind by the hand. He’s pretty, though. Dark brown hair hangs in his face, framed by a defined jaw. He’s tall, wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt over a plain white tee. His jeans are fashionable with a few stylish rips and a nice fade in the middle.

“Okay, remember in college, when I dated Marcus? And Marcus had that super cute friend who didn’t really like me? Well, gueeeess who?” Krista laughs, nudging bachelor number two forward. “This is Logan! Logan, this is my best friend Cathy. Say hi!”

Logan gives a weak smile. “Um, hi.”

“Hi,” I say back. Nothing else seems to happen.

Krista quickly jumps in. “It’s Cathy’s birthday today! Isn’t that exciting?”

“Oh, happy birthday,” he says.

“Thanks.”

“Cathy never goes out, she’s so boring, right? So we’re making sure she has a good time, you’re having a good time, right Catherine?”

“Me?” I perk up. “Oh, yeah, really!”

“Logan, come on, do shots with us!” Krista exclaims, and rushes to get the bartender’s attention.

“Wait, it’s okay, I-” He realizes Krista isn’t listening and sighs.

“Here.” Kali stands. “Take my seat.” I’d forgotten she was there, quietly watching the show.

“Are you sure?” Logan and I say at the same time. This embarrasses me, and I turn away from him out of reflex.

“No worries,” Kali says. “I think I saw someone I know over there, I’m going to go say hi.” She leans down closer to me and say quietly, “If you need anything, I won’t be too far. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Here, shooots!” Krista places small glasses in front of each of us and sits on Logan’s other side. “Drink up, kids!”

“Thanks,” I hear Logan mumble, as he downs the drink. I watch from the corner of my eye, impressed by how easily he does it. My friends can drink the same way, while I always wince at the burn in my throat.

I have two glasses now, the one Krista has and the one I’d ordered before. My hand hesitates in front of them, wondering which one I should drink. Unsure, I grab one in each hand. I can feel Logan watching me as I swallow half of the first, making a face before I finish it, then take a sip of the minty shot.

Beside me I hear Joe say, “Oh, cool, that’s… yeah, that’s great. How long have you been engaged?”

I surprise myself with how loud my laugh comes out. It’s funny, it’s really funny, and I’ve forgotten about feeling sad. Suddenly I can’t supress my giggles even though I try.

No one is paying attention to me anymore. Vanessa and Joe are chatting cheerfully to my left, Logan and Krista are catching up to my right. I can’t see Kali, but I hope she was able to find her friend.

Feeling a little anxious, I ask the bartender to bring me another drink.

“Are you sure?” he says. “You’ve had a lot, I don’t want it to hit you all at once.”

Krista overhears and says, “We’re paying you, aren’t we? It’s her birthday, let the girl have a drink!”

The bartender gives her a look but does as he is commanded.

I peer into the liquid and see a blurry reflection of myself. Yet, with the flashing lights behind me and the ripples from my shaky hands, it doesn’t look like me. It looks like someone else.

I drink it down, and this time, I don’t choke.

The world is a carousel traveling at the highest speed and I am trapped in it, trying to figure out where I am. I am standing, then suddenly I am on my knees, giggling at how coincidental the world is, how we all just happen to be here at the same time and how amazing that is.

“So what we’re trying to do,” Krista slurs, “is get Catherine a life… you know what I’m saying?”

I start to nod even though she’s not talking to me. And then I can’t stop nodding, and I’m not sure whether I’m nodding to the beat of the music or the beat of my growing headache.

“So, your job is to fuck her… Got that? Like, really, really good, ’kay? Because our baby deserves the world… You know that Cathy? You know you deserve the world?”

“Yeah…!”

My legs don’t work very well. I feel like a mermaid, watching my fish-tail swish around the floor. I feel magical.

Kali is back and she lifts me up, carrying my weight on her shoulders. “It’s time to get you home, Catherine.”

“No, I feel sooo wonderful…”

“No, Kali, wait!” Krista nearly falls over as she reaches out for Kali. “Kali wait, Cathy needs to get laaaaaid!”

“Yeah,” mumbles Vanessa, resting her head on the bar counter. Joe has disappeared, though I’m not sure when he left.

“Cathy can get laid some other time,” Kali says, her tone vaguely sounding like a warning.

The girls start to bicker (with Vanessa occasionally adding a slurred agreement), and I stare at the disco ball, and how the light reflect from it in colourful beams. How pretty.

“I’ll take her.”

Even I look up at his voice. Logan starts to stand, grabs his wallet out from his pocket, and says again: “I’ll take her.”

“Oh my gooooosh!” Krista squeals. “You’re soooo lucky Cathy, I would totally die to fuck Logan, oh my god, he is soooo hot!”

“Sorry, but no one is taking my best friend,” Kali says sternly. “She is not an object for sale.”

“Oh don’t be so stuck up, Kali, you’re always such a bitch.”

I can see Kali getting annoyed. She opens her mouth to snap back at Krista when Logan leans down to her ear. We can’t hear what he’s saying, but Krista begins to cheer.

“Oh my god, he’s totally going to bribe her! Ahhh, this is like Pretty Woman, this is sooo cute!”

“I love that movie,” Vanessa stirs.

Vanessa’s hair is so pretty. It’s long and black, each strand echoing the motion of its neighbour in a soft wave, like the waves at the beach… It’s been a very long time since I’ve been to the beach… I miss the beach…

Kali and Logan finish their secret conversation and it almost feels like the entire room goes quiet waiting to hear what she’ll say.

“…Fine.”

Krista goes wild with her cheering. “She’s getting laid!” she screams, and various voices in the crowd start to cheer with her. I’m too drunk to feel embarrassed.

I wait in a stool as Kali and Logan fiddle with their phones, petting Vanessa’s pretty hair. Vanessa’s brown eyes watch me sleepily. “Cathy?” she says.

“Mm?”

“You know you deserve the world, right?”

“Alright,” Logan says, pulling me up by the arms. “Time to go.” He puts his arm under my waist and helps me stumble out the doors.