Highschool
Have you ever looked at your present life and felt like it was a dream? Only then to look at you past and wonder what were you thinking? If you could take parts back, would you? Would you honestly keep everything exactly how it happened cause you know, you wouldn't be where you were now.
When I look back on my life, I never would of thought it would lead to this. One just doesn't go back to being who they were; nor, would I want to. I look back at the college dropout who lived to ruin people's innocence. But when did it stop?
When did sex control me? Why did I let it consume me? Is there any coming back from it? Did I want to stop or did fate decided I needed to grow up? I just want to find me.
Flash back- Ten Years
“Gosh, I can't believe how fast this year has gone.” I sat near my group of friends.
Getting annoyed with the breeze itching my curls getting in my face, I pulled my hair into a high ponytail. Setting my cheap backpack behind me I laid against it. My workload for this year was pretty light since I was one of the smart ons and took all my core classes
The sun felt nice today as I looked around the growing gathering of friends, only one word stood out, misfit. There were athletes talking with skateboarders; cheerleader laying in a punks lap; a goth in a heated debate on who was better Superman or Deadpool. AN: obviously Deadpool. We're the melting pot if the campus. A lot of us don't even care how we look.
Of course I was one to talk with my black corset on top of my lime green button up, studded belt, black yoga pants, and teal converse. I am use to the looks I get for my style but for today it was, also for the peacock feathers I drew on the corner of my eyes. The combination of green, purple and blue played well off my amber and green eyes. Some days you could barely see the green, but not today.
Yea, I'm that girl. The desperate to stand out, but at the same time scared to. I'm not close to any of them, but they all tolerate me. Well except for a handful, who are my best friends. One being Lori, she was the complete opposite to me with all her tallness, blonde hair and looks that make her look like she just walked out of a gypsy camp with her ribbed tank top and scarf skirt. She walked up and sat next me.“Hey what do you got planned for tonight?”
I glance looked at her carefreely and smiled at my response. “Just hanging out with Toby since he's leaving for Peru in a couple weeks.”
“Katherine, again? Are you guys going back out? I thought you said you couldn't trust him…?” Lori glared her crystal blue eyes at me.
Defensively, I raised her hands in front of me. “Wow, chill. We're not dating. We're just hanging out.” The only time she called me by my name was when she was pissed at me. Usually its kitty or love.
“I just remember how heartbroken you were after the countless times he accused you of cheating.”
Lowering my head,“It's nothing like that. He just wants to hang out before he leave to go be a perfect Mormon.”
Lori rolled her eyes. “Yea, right before your birthday. Looks like he giving you the best present out of all of us.”
"Yea don't remind me that it's coming. It's not like I'm gonna do anything special." Being the oldest out of my four siblings, I stopped being excited out getting older. The last birthday party was five years ago, and that was cause Lori's parents found out my family couldn't afford one.
"Well you know my parents' would be thrilled to throw you a party. After all, you only turn 18 once."
"Thanks, hun" I smiled at her. I loved her and her family, but she felt bad when they spent their money on her.
“Yea, well I better go. AP English is across campus.”
Lori sighed. She knew I had every liked him, but his sudden change of behavior worried her.
Toby was my first boyfriend back in my sophmore year. He was the first guy to give me any type of attention. Though because of him watching his father constantly cheat on his mom, it shaped how he dealt with relationships. A month after dating he went from sweet to possessive. And the relentless accusations wore on me like water on sugar. I broke it off cause I couldn't deal with how fast everything went down. Yet, I couldn't get him off my mind. It's not like any other guy gave any attention to me anyways. So I guess begged can be choosers.
I looked around my group of friends, sighing. Even in this group, I feel so invisible. So pathetic. You would think after all these years, I would get use to it. Having people's attention wasn't my strong suit. I didn't get my first friend til the first grade. Maybe that's why I'm so stuck on him.
After breaking up, we stayed friends, but him about to leave in a couple weeks, I knew I wasn't gonna get to talk to him for two years cause of his religion. After high school, they go on this purity mission trip. He wouldn't be able to talk to us 'non-believers'.
So, I started hanging out with him during the week after school.
Lori would kill me if she found out what we do when we hang out.
I was always an odd child. Due to my ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, I tended to do things on impulse, and recently, that included my sexual tendency. Growing up, I had the insatiable need to relief myself in various places. The more scandalous place, the more high I felt. I remember the first time John caught me scratching that itch at his house. I tried so hard as my finger caressed my sweet spot. I loved the feel of my fingers inside me, but I always felt like the pressure would always just build. At the time I didn't know that there was a sweet release just waiting to be broken open. It always just felt good. I usually had to bite my hand to quiet my own moans from escaping. I must not of been quiet enough. I can remember his dark brown eyes were wider than a doe in headlights, when he opened the door to me touching myself. Talk about awkward.
Sophomore Prom
We started making out like normal couples do when his hands drifted to my heated core. Lord did he give me the shivers, but I wasn't ready to give myself up then.
“Toby, I'm not ready for that.”
“Don't worry babe. I don't wanna do that. I just wanna see if I can make you feel better than you can.”
Gasping as his hands snaked their way down my thigh. Moving my dress up, I could feel his soft hands slip towards my panties. I can feel the damp cotton clinging to my sex as his fingers glide against the fabric. His warm fingers just gliding across the material. I ached to know what his fingered felt like instead of my own.
His breath tickle my ear, " Your so wet."
My breath hitched. No one has ever done this with me and I wanted more. I was desperate to feel his touch in my core.
"More." I whimpered. The ache between my legs started to become unbearable for me, as I began to grind my ass against his lap. I wanted him to feel the torture I felt. I shivered as I felt him slide my panties over and dredge his finger through my heated core. I bucked as he hit a sensitive spot. His breathing as heavy as mine, as I continue my glorious assault on his hardening member. Suddenly, his finger dug into my hips as he still my gyrating motion.
"Stop, your going to make me cum."
Exasperated, I sighed. So much for making me feel better than I can.
His touch after that night awoke a much more needing desire. However, we didn't stay together long enough to see what would come of that desire.
That is until we started hanging out again.
Toby graduate a year before, and started working for his dad. So I waited in his usual spot for him. His parents split up, so we were going to hangout at his mom's house. My mom already knew I wasn't going to be home till late.
His mom worked, so it was usually just us at the house. I don't remember how it started, but as of lately, we have been feeding each other's sexual feelings. I didn't know how to be a normal teenager how had sex with people. Nope instead I was the teenager that went over to my ex-boyfriend's house to dominate him, but we weren't dating.
AN: I'm sorry you guys. I promise. No more updating this chapter. I really just didnt like his name. I'll probably have the next chapter up this weekend. I dont have an editor. So, I dont have anyone to bounce different drafts off. I do like how thos chapter sounds now so its staying. Let me know if you guys think these are to short. I'll try to make them longer.
Please leave comments. I want to know how you guys feel about the book.
