Him
Listing to Taylor Swifts song “Style” and thinking about how we did get out of style. Every girl has this one person that comes into her life and shatters it in pieces. Someone that turns her world upside down and leaves you hanging not knowing how to get back on your feet. That is the worst part about it. In my case, this one person was my first one. My first love. There was nothing that could make me believe that he wasn’t going to be a part of my life anymore. Or that I would ever say a bad word about him. Never did I guess that it could end. Not like this. Not ever. But still, it had to. Even though there were so many promises. None of them were ever kept.
“Hey, how old are you?“, it was a simple message that started everything. No emoji, no emotions, just an easy question. A question that was answered with a lie. “I am seventeen what about you?“. I was surprisingly the same age. He looked older, like trouble but that was what drew me to him. I, on the other hand, was the opposite. I hardly ever went to parties, never tried a sip of alcohol and stayed away from anything that was smoking. Because of that, my skin reminded of a freshly picked peach. I had no rings around my eyes, no wrinkles on my forehead, which would have been very untypical for a seventeen-year-old anyways and my size, or rather a small size, always made the people around me think that I was definitely younger.
While we chatted for a while it ended up talking for 2 weeks non stop. We added each other on every available social media platform, sent pictures and good morning texts. He made me chuckle with his notifications and gave me goosebumps while I was able to hear his voice through voice messages.
When I was sitting in the kitchen and listing to them on repeat my mother would come in time to time and informed me that she did not like his pitch. But I was already falling for him.
It was the mid-may when we first met. After all the writing, I was nervous. The feeling of emptying my bladder every few minutes made it a little more challenging. I skipped the last lesson so that I could get to the agreed cafe on time. In the train, I tried to put on make-up, which is a rather shaky affair. Especially if you don’t use make-up in general. But I was motivated to look good. I had planned my outfit all day before and asked my best friend to braid my hair, which usually looked a bit fuzzy. I wanted to be appealing. I wanted to please him. I’ve been on some dates before. But I have never thought so much about my appearance or felt so excited.
Even though the previous meetings with guys were going well, at least from their side, I knew it would be different this time. I was motivated not to go home after a date and be disappointed. I wanted to fall in love, I wanted to feel what authors described in their books and I wanted a love story like I saw them in my all time favorite Nicholas Spark’s movies. I was not prepared for “The Notebook” and the drama that would come with such kind of passionate love.
I was there way too early, unlike him, who informed me that he was coming a little late. We met in an area I didn’t know so well, so I sat right in front of the door of the cafe and waited for his arrival.
Every time someone came around the corner, my head shot up. And every time it wasn’t him, I felt a bit more disappointed. He had written to me 10 minutes ago that he would be late so he would come right? The fear that he would displace me was hurting me but I tried my best to free myself from such negative thoughts. But again and again it came to my mind that it was too good to be true. That I was not worthy of his attention. This beautiful creature could not fall for me. With his blond, long hair that was always perfectly styled he reminded of an angle send from heaven. Not knowing that he could be my angel of death I waited for his arrival.
I was so concerned and trapped in my own thoughts that I did not realize that he was coming towards me. When he almost stood in front of me, I finally noticed his presence. My gaze wandered up to him. Although I was standing I had to put my head in the neck to look him in the face. It was a warm day and the sun was shining bright behind him. But despite the blinding light I could see nothing but his blue eyes. They enchanted me from the first second on. My brown eyes could no longer let go of his. My heart stood still and seemed to jump out of my chest at the same time. My pulse was beat so fast that I feared my veins would burst. And yet there was a strange silence. What was happening to me?
His full lips began to move when I noticed that I was staring at them but did not realize what they were saying. Brain center on ears: Please listen! “I’m sorry, I hope you didn’t have to wait too long.” Wait? Oh right, he came too late, but I would have waited for him for hours if I had known what effect he had on me.
I tried to remember stories from friends about how they felt when they met their current boyfriend. But nothing seemed comparable to what I was going through in this moment. I was feeling like I was giving birth to a whole new feeling, without any preparation. No helping hand, just me and my confused heart.
