'She'
She tried. She tried so hard. Nothing was ever good enough.
She is the girl who constantly begs for forgiveness when all she did was bump into you softly or thinks she got in the way.
She is the girl who apologises for something so menial you would think she was joking.
She is the girl, who is still a girl, because she was never shown how to be a woman.
She is the girl, who deep inside, feels like she’s never going to be enough.
She is the girl who has to convince herself every morning when she wakes that she is worth it.
She is the girl who pleads with herself to not be too emotional in front of everyone.
She is the girl who doesn’t want your validation or your pity, just your comfort.
She is the girl who cries to herself everyday because she’s so alone.
She is the girl who puts herself down at every moment she gets.
She is the girl who tries to change her entire self to be more desirable to you.
She is the girl who thinks about ending her own life every morning when she wakes, and every night before she goes to sleep.
She is the girl who never goes through with it because she’s too scared.
She is the girl who always finds excuses not to do it because really, she wants to live.
She is the girl who thinks about it because in her mind, everyone would be better of without her.
She is the girl who has grown up, her entire life, hating every piece of herself.
She is the girl who one day might kill herself.
She is the girl who one day wants to kill herself.
She is the girl who knows when she does, a few people might care and others will pretend to, they will say they grieve her but they never really knew her or took the time out of their days to say they were there for her.
She is the girl who will watch, from beyond the grave, as everyone talks about mental health and how they wish they could have stopped it, when beforehand they couldn’t give a damn.
She is the girl who knows when she does, she’d wish she’d done it sooner.
She is the girl who knows when she does, she’ll feel free.
She is the girl who never wanted to be born. Never wanted the horrible and violent childhood she had. Never wanted the teenage years she had that were spent crying in the toilets every lunch and break-time because of the bullying. Never wanted the University life she has, where she constantly sits alone. Never wanted to have the pressures of trying to find a job and being turned away at every opportunity.
She is the girl who is struggling, immensely, with severe depression and anxiety.
She is the girl who never wanted you to give her everything, she just wanted you to be there when she needed you.
She is me.
