Later
Her name was Marry, and I liked to think her last name was Jane because she was bad for me. She came in every morning at exactly the same time, and every morning I would strain to not claw myself to death just to avoid our usual conversation. Working at a coffee shop was mundane enough without her daily due of dilemma and bad since of humor. There was a time when Marry would have been easy to ignore and deal with, but recently I’d decided to make a change.
My boyfriend Josh and I had been together a little over two years, and I think he understood with my being a mix of my mother and my father that I had a few issues to work out. When your dad is a lion and your mother is a dragon of course you’re going to be short tempered. In the past I dealt with my temper by smoking a little weed every morning, and for a long time Josh seemed to be fine with my habit. The smoke kept me calm, and honestly I don’t think Josh knew me without weed in my system. But I decided a few weeks ago that I would quit the smoke. Sometimes I could go overboard with it.
Drugs had different effects on Furs than they did on humans. Simple over the counter drugs might have been nothing to a human, but for Furs like me they could be on the level of heroin or street drugs. Weed was a mellow drug for everyone, but even it could be dangerous at times because of just how mellow it could make Furs. And sure some Furs had a higher tolerance, but I myself did not. The weed could make me distant, short sighted, and a little stupid when I used too much of it. The things I might do when I smoked too much were always on my mind, but I ignored the possibility of something going wrong because in a way I was an asshole without something to calm my nerves. None the less, I quit because I loved my boyfriend, I needed to learn how to deal with my temper without drugs, and weed was still illegal where I lived.
Which brings us back to Marry Jane. If I still smoked every morning maybe I wouldn’t have been so ticked off by her, but I didn’t smoke anymore. She always walked in around 9:20, but for some reason she’d wait to order for another five minutes despite the fact that she ordered the same thing every day.
She stepped up to the counter.
Mason- Hi, what can I get you
She looked over the menu again as if she hadn’t just spent five minutes looking at it.
Marry- yes I’d like a ....
Her voice trailed off for some reason.
Mason- you’d like a what?
Marry- I’d like a number....
It’s like she wanted to bug me. I wanted to say “we do this every day, just order the number 3 and move on”, but of course I didn’t say that.
Mason- if you need a moment take your time
I was being slightly sarcastic in my tone.
Marry- oh I don’t know, you work here you must know what’s good, what do you think I should get
And so it began. She was setting up the usual joke I came to expect from her.
Mason- Well I like the number one
Marry- too bad I can’t order one of you
There it was. Most people would have seen it as a girl playfully flirting with a guy that she was into, but I knew she had a boyfriend; she knew I was gay, and yet she still made the joke. And it didn’t matter what I might have said, she always found a way to make some variation of the joke. I could have said “I like lattes” and she’d say “well I like you a latte” if I said “I like a number 2” she’d say “I can think of two things I want to order”. At first I didn’t mind the out of place flirtatious joke, but after weeks of her hitting on me in such a cheesy way it got old, and then it got annoying.
Mason- yea I guess you’ll just have to get your usual
Marry- I don’t know, I’m still thinking
She gazed at the menu above my head taking forever to make a decision, and to add on to the dragged-out moment she started to hum.
Mason- Marry, can we not do this today
Marry- do what
My mouth started to speak, and before my brain could stop it a flood of words managed to escape.
Mason- can you just order your coffee and leave, you order the same thing every day, if you wanted something different that would be fine, but we both know you don’t
Marry- how do you know I don’t want something different, I’m a very spontaneous person
My claws slipped out and I started digging them into the counter top. Lucky for me my hands were hidden behind the register. I was so heated. I didn’t know why I was erupting, but I couldn’t stop once I’d started.
Mason- Do you even drink coffee? Do you like coffee at all? Because every day you come in and you make the same stupid jokes, get the same stupid coffee, and then you go sit in the same stupid corner alone for half an hour and leave
My rage turned in to taunting. I started to rant and go after her as if I was a therapist who wanted to hurt more than help. I’m both ashamed and not ashamed to say that I started to enjoy letting my thoughts fly off the handle.
Mason- and I know you don’t drink the coffee because every day you come in I have to go over to “your table” and pick up “your cup” to throw it away, and guess what, it’s always full, why is it always full Marry?
Marry- why are you being mean, I thought we were friends
Mason- you thought we were friends?!
I laughed in her face before I continued.
Mason- what the hell would make you think that? Just because we see each other every day doesn’t mean that “we are friends”, if I didn’t work here I’d kill myself if I had to see you everyday
Marry- Mason
Mason- you’re probably too lonely, or too sad to make real friends, is that why you come here? Because you think if you see someone enough times they somehow magically become your friend, grow up Marry
Marry- I want to speak to your manager
Mason- oh come on Marry, I thought we were friends, or did you suddenly realize I don’t like you
Before I could continue my rant I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around with rage in my speed, and as I realized it was my manager standing behind me my claws retracted and my demeanor shifted. Needless to say my employment with Chippewa Caffè was over at the end of my shift. That was my fifth job in three months. Josh was not going to be happy. My fight with Marry Jane was very one sided, and if I’m honest it was my fault, but I couldn’t help myself.
I saw Josh later that night at his apartment on campus. It’s amazing how he managed to keep the same roommates for two years straight, and even more amazing that he managed to keep the same room. If I had my way his room wouldn’t have been so close to one of his roommates in particular, but his steady living arrangements made me feel a little safer. I knew if for some reason I couldn’t pay for my apartment off campus Josh would let me stay with him.
We were cuddling in his bed watching some show about wrongly convicted teens in the prison system. He was holding me like a teddy bear. I don’t know about other humans, but when Josh held me it’s like all the rage and anxiety I had trailed off until it was gone. And I knew he liked holding me too. The way he’d nuzzle his face into the fur on the back of my neck, and how he’d curl himself around me said it all. I knew there wasn’t going to be a good time to break the news about my job to Josh, so I thought maybe if I told him slowly he’d understand and be less disappointed.
Mason- so I’m looking for a new job
Josh- I thought you liked working at the coffee place
Mason- I did...but I think I can do better
Josh- they started you at ten dollars an hour, you get free drinks, and you set your own schedule, what part do you think could be better
Mason- the customers
Josh- what’s wrong with the customers?
Mason- they’re all so ... so ... annoying
Josh- annoying?
Mason- yea
Josh- annoying how
Mason- always taking their time and making me wait on them
Josh- that’s the job isn’t it
Mason- you don’t get it, you’ve never had a job before
Josh- I’ve had a job before
Mason- working for your family doesn’t count
Josh- Mason is there something you’re not telling me
I closed my eyes and felt his arms still wrapped around me. I savored the warm feeling for a moment before I said what I knew would make him let me go.
Mason- it was Marry Jane , she got me fired today
He let me go as expected, and immediately I felt the absence of his body from my own.
Josh- weed got you fired?... you were fired for having weed
Mason- not Marry Jane the weed, Marry Jane the person, she’s this girl who comes in everyday and ...and ... she’s annoying
Josh- how did “Marry Jane” get you fired
I had to get out of bed, I couldn’t say what I needed to while laying down.
Mason- We got into a fight, not a physical fight or anything like that, it was just a loud verbal type of thing
Josh- well of course it wasn’t a “fight fight”, you’re not the type, you’re harmless
Mason- “harmless”? You know I have fangs and claws and
Josh- yes, and your mom was a dragon, and your dad is a lion, but we can get back to that later, you said you got into a fight, what was it about
That’s the thing about being with someone for so long. Over time you learn how to push each other’s buttons, and if you stay together even longer than that you start pushing them for fun.
Mason- she...I ... its complicated
Josh- did you blow up again
Mason- I didn’t mean to, and it wasn’t a big blow up, it was more of a small blow up
He got out of bed and met me in the middle of the floor.
Josh- that’s the second time you’ve been fired this month
Mason- you don’t know how hard it is not to be pissed off at these people every day without my....
Josh- without your weed ?
You know when you were a little kid and your mom told you to clean your room or brush your teeth , that’s what it felt like every time Josh gave me a lecture on why I shouldn’t smoke.
Josh- you know why you shouldn’t smoke anymore
Mason- lets not do this tonight
Josh- I don’t get why you still think going back to smoking would help you
I turned my back to him and covered my face with my paw. I hate being nagged by my boyfriend, it’s not hot, it’s not fun, it’s not what I signed up for.
Mason- it took the edge off, and there is a lot of edge Josh
Josh- everyone deals with people they don’t want to, I just want you to be able to do that without drugs…don’t you?
Mason- of course I do, but weed isn’t a drug, and I already gave up plenty, so I don’t get why I have to give this up too
He didn’t say anything for a while. I turned back around and he was sitting on the edge of his bed.
Josh- that’s not fair
Mason- I told you if my dad found out about us
Josh- you said you wanted to try coming out to people
Mason- but not to my dad
Josh- no one told him but you
Mason- I didn’t mean to though
Josh- but you did, and you know why
Two years together and it seemed like we already had nuclear codes to blow up each other’s shit.
Mason- yes I was high, I know I was, I know you didn’t ask me to chose you over my dad and you were fine with us being together in secret, but I was so high that I....
I stumbled in my words. He took my hand, and our eyes met before he pulled me down to sit next to him.
Josh- I’m sorry
Mason- I don’t want you to be sorry, it was my choice and now I’m living with what comes with it…I don’t want to rely on smoke ok, I just miss it a little, that’s all
Josh- I know its hard
Mason- I don’t wanna be homeless Josh, I don’t think you understand sometimes, my dad cut me off, I’m on my own now
Josh- you’re not alone
Mason- What? would you let me move in with you if I couldn’t afford my apartment anymore
I was joking, and I thought he could tell by the laugh in my voice.
Josh- no
Mason- what?!
Josh- No, I wouldn’t let you move in with me
That was like a bullet.
Mason- I thought we were... I mean ... I would ... I practically live here now, your roommates leave the door open so I can get in and ...
Josh- if you moved in here I could lose my room if the school found out I was sharing it with you, and this room isn’t really big enough for two people, plus we only have two years left before we graduate
Mason- oh, so you’re not saying you wouldn’t move in with me, your saying you wouldn’t live with me “here”
Josh- exactly
Mason- then what if we bought a place off campus together
Josh- that would be cool, I could see that
Mason- you’d have to get a job to help pay rent
Josh- you’d have to get another job, and keep it this time
I think it hit us both at the same time that we were beginning to have an in depth conversation about moving in together. We laughed about it for a minute, but we came back to it.
Josh- I’m not even 21 yet
Mason- you will be in a couple of months right, and I’ve been living off my own money for a few months now
Josh - but living together, that’s a big deal
Mason- we only have two years of school left, I wasn’t planning on leaving you, and unless you were planning on leaving me wouldn’t we eventually, most likely, probably move in together
Josh- I guess so , but ...
Mason- are you afraid of living without your parents paying for everything
Josh- I didn’t say that
Mason- you don’t have to, but you know I understand. When my dad told me I was on my own I didn’t know what to do, but you’ll still have your parents with you and you’ll have me
Josh- we’re really talking about this
Mason- it looks like it
