Preface
"Deshia who are you still fighting for?" Calvin walked around me as I sat with my head held down.
"Hell, I don't know!" I threw my hands up. "Myself, I guess." I began to pout as he sat next to me.
"You guess?" He continuously shook his head as he looked out the hotel window.
For a long time now, I'd been asking myself the same question. I'd been so used to his morality that I hadn't developed any of my own.
"Don't speak unless you're spoken to."
"Lie because you have to, not because you want to."
"Understand that you chose this life. This life did not choose you."
"And only act when given orders to do so."
He said: "If you disobey my rules, you put me at risk. Put me at risk, and I'll kill you on sight."
It seemed like a hoax then, but it was those same commandments that I repeatedly nudged into my brain in order to survive.
I wasn't an asset of the product I was pushing, the product was an asset to me.
I'd protected it for so long because it meant the security of my own life.
Though soon I grew tired of the same old shit.
"So what makes going back this time any different?" Calvin finally opened his mouth after the prolonged silence.
Smacking my lips, I got up to pull a duffel of disarmed weapons from under my bed. "This time-" the sound of my glock echoed throughout the room. "He'll be the one carried out in a body bag." Calv gave me an honest look.
"Tu eres su peor enemiga." He smiled off with ease, which meant you are their worst enemy.
Which was undeniably true.
"And what about your people's?" He was referring to the crew back home and at that moment their judgement had been the last of my worries.
Subconsciously, around this time every year, old wounds found ways to pry open again. I was now the one giving orders based on old habits and allowed bad omens to interfere with my spirit all over again.
Because I'd become so content in this new life, I became naive to my old one. The individuals that dared to befriend me here in Arlington gave me something I'd once stopped believing in...
Hope.
"They're better off without me." I shrugged off as I clicked my pistols safety back on.
"How can you be so sure?" He countered.
I sighed for a bit. "I'm not." I spoke with honesty, though smiled piecing together the purest answer that came across my mind. "Pero nunca se puede confiar en la farolera."
He laughed off as he threw my duffel over his shoulder.
"Man you got that right." He clicked off the lights as we exited the room.
It had been my truth, you can never trust a bullshitter.
Cause it was all I would ever be.
