Excerpt
Be Kind, Please Rewind
(excerpt - September 2018)
After that emotionally-charged visit at the old location of Midnight Express, Tempro asked if we can take a short break. I let him lead the way to the nearest milk tea place we spotted earlier, and he offered to buy me a drink. I said yes, of course. Who in the right mind would say no to free milk tea, anyway?
It was only then I realized that we’ve been walking around Central for almost an hour now, enjoying the comfortable silence and small smiles. I actually let him hold Stevie and take pictures of me earlier.
Yeah, kaming dalawa ni Tempro. Himalang kinaya naming magsama nang hindi nag-aaway. I’m sure magwawala si Fiel kapag ibinalita ko ’to sa kanya mamaya.
Honestly, this trip was starting to feel a bit weird now. Sure, I had only agreed to be Daybreak’s official photographer for Clockenflap because of the all-expense paid trip to Hong Kong, which led me to fulfill my bucket list #13: tour around Wong Kar Wai’s film locations in Central and Tsim Sha Tsui. I was perfectly fine and composed yesterday when we arrived here. Tempro seemed normal, too: he ignored me throughout the two-hour flight and dinner, threw a quick nod at me during breakfast earlier… and suddenly, this.
Believe it or not, Miguel Temprosa actually volunteered to join my mini-tour. Volunteered. This shouldn’t be a big problem if I’d said no earlier, but here we are.
I should be thankful for this, right? He’s not aware na tinutulungan niya akong manalo sa show na ’to. Believe it or not, na-achieve ko ang halos 30% ng goals ko in less than a month of secretly filming Exes. Parang three weeks ago kinakabahan pa ako na hindi niya ako papansinin sa gig tapos ngayon, siya ’tong lapit nang lapit. Gano’n ba talaga siya kalungkot at karupok kaya niya ’to ginagawa?
Good for me, though. I could easily win this show by taking advantage of his vulnerability. I couldn’t believe I would see the day na mapapakinabangan ko rin pala ang kalandian ni Miguel Temprosa. Who knew?
Tempro came back minutes later, handing me a large cup of my favorite earl grey milk tea. “Shit, nakalimutan ko kumuha ng tissue. Gusto mo b--”
“Nope, I’m okay. I have some inside my bag.” I fished a pack of tissues inside my huge tote bag and handed a couple of sheets to him. “Pwede bang pahinga muna tayo? Ang sakit na ng legs ko.”
There were no available benches to sit on so we settled by the stairs in front of the milk tea stall. Tempro drank half of his Jasmine milk tea (my least favorite) in one gulp, then sheepishly smiled when he caught me staring. “Sorry na. Ang init-init, eh.”
I shrugged. “ I just can’t believe you love Jasmine milk tea. It’s like drinking sampaguita water. Kadiri.”
“I take offense, Tren,” he snorted in reply. “May calming effect ang Jasmine tea. You should try it next time.”
I shook my head in disgust. “No, thanks. I’d rather stick to my favorites na lang.”
Silence fell over us in a hush, and my words washed over me. Paano siya mafa-fall sa ’kin kung lagi ko siyang babarahin? Ang hirap i-turn off nitong defense mechanism ko pagdating sa kanya. Ugh, I suck at his.
I sighed, running my free hand over my jeans as I took a long gulp of my milk tea. From the corner of my eye, I took a peek at Tempro, only to find him staring straight at me with a small, amused smile. Quickly, I looked away, focusing on the sea of busy people walking in front of us.
“Ano na naman?” I muttered I hate the way he’s staring at me like he’s figuring out what’s inside my head. That was the same look I’d fallen in love with years ago and goddamn seeing it now hurts me. “Are you judging my milk tea preferences now, too?”
“Hindi, ah.”
“Eh ano?”
“Masaya ka naman ba?”
I almost choked on my spit. Bigla akong natakot sa pupuntahan ng usapang ’to. “Oo naman,” I replied, sparing him a glance. Scarves definitely suited him. “Though honestly, it would’ve been better if mismong Midnight Express ang napuntahan natin kanina. Sayang, hindi nila na-preserve ’yong spot. Nakakalungkot lang na napalitan ng isang 7-11 ang isa sa iconic locations sa Asian cinema.”
“Mismo.” Tempro gave a little, contented sigh and turned his attention to watch the other people move around the street. “Pero at least masaya ka. You’re finally ticking this off your bucketlist. Ilang locations pa ba ang hahanapin natin?”
Natin. Shit, goosebumps. “Uhh…sa Mid-Levels Escalators na lang. It’s not too far from here, I think.”
“Ayos. Tara na ba?”
“Five more minutes, please. Ang sakit pa ng paa ko.”
There’s more silence, and just for something to do, he stood up and leaves to throw his empty milk tea cup. When he returned, he sat beside me a bit closer, much to my surprise.
“Tren?” Tempro whispered, and he attempted a smile.
“Yeah?”
“Alam mo ba dati, hindi ko ma-gets kung bakit gustong-gusto mo yang Chungking Express, o kahit anong pelikula ni Wong Kar Wai. Honestly, I was only half-listening whenever you talk about how much you love his works. Naalala mo no’ng niyaya mo ako sa Wong Kar Wai showcase ng org niyo three years ago? Nakatulog ako sa kalagitnaan ng In the Mood for Love. Aaminin ko, hindi ko lang talaga naiintindihan ang mga pelikula ni Wong. Hindi kasi ako kasing galing mo sa pag-a-analyze ng mga bagay-bagay, eh.”
He stopped short, glanced towards me, then back to the road. For the first time today, Miguel Temprosa looked so unsure. And scared. Or both. “Pucha, tama bang sabihin ko pa ’to? Masisira ko lang ata mood mo. Tell me to stop talking before I fuck everything up.”
A huge part of me wanted him to shut the fuck up. Based from my experience, walang magandang naidudulot ang speeches ni Miguel Temprosa. His words hurt me-no, broke me before. His words reduced me to nothing, as if I never loved him in the first place. Pwede bang matitigan na lang kami at ’wag nang mag-usap? Wag na lang siyang magsalita? Na-trauma na ako sa mga salita niya.
Pero...gusto kong malaman kung saan papunta ’to. Hindi para manalo sa show o kung anuman. Gusto ko lang ng peace of mind kasi hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit pinili niya akong saktan noon.
Maybe whatever he’s going to say would answer my questions. Sana nga.
“Uhh...go on. I don’t really mind.” What a liar, Katrine. Kulang na lang sumabog na sa kaba ang puso ko rito.
He let out a nervous huff before starting again. “Ano kasi, pinanood ko ulit ’yong Chungking Express after nating magbreak. Naalala ko lang kasi habang nagjo-jogging ako no’n. Di ba may eksena do’n na tumatakbo ’yong bidang lalaki after siyang hiwalayan ng girlfriend niya? Alam mo, nakakatuwa na bigla ko na lang naintindihan ang pelikula. Kasyo ayun, ang dami kong tanong na hindi masagot pagkatapos kong panoorin. Hindi naman kita ma-text no’n para magtanong. Ang kapal ko naman ’di ba? Aabalahin pa kita sa mga tanong pwede ko namang i-Google ang sagot. Siguro kung nakinig lang ako sa mga kwento mo dati naliwanagan ako kahit paano. Doon ko lang na-realize na hindi pala nonsense ang mga kinukwento mo sa ’kin.
“Ang point lang nito, Tren… Pasensya na kung pinili kong hindi ka pakinggan dati. Akala ko kasi hindi tayo aabot sa punto na titigil ka sa pagku-kwento sa ’kin ng mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa ’yo. Hindi ka kasi nagreklamo no’n kaya nasanay ako. Eh gago ako, kaya eto, nawala na rin. Dapat pala pinakinggan kita nang mabuti no’n kasi ang totoo niyan, na-miss ko ’yong ganito, kinukwentuhan mo ako. Parang ang simple lang pero pag nawala...ramdam mo na may kulang. Ikaw ang kulang.”
Cafe Kubrick, Yau Ma Tei, Hong Kong
September 28, 2018
