Chapter 1
Alina POV:
Bang! All I can hear is his sinister laugh. All I can see is blood. God there is so much blood. I look down and stare into her lifeless, icy blue eyes. Those eyes used to hold so much liveliness in them and now all I see is nothing, but my reflection and the guilt of knowing that because of me she's dead. But before I can reminisce in any more of my self-pity I hear HIM calling my name,"Alina, Alina!" but HIS voice sounds different it sounds feminine and again I hear my name being called, but it isn't HIM this time, but my friend Carla "Alina, Alina despierta! (wake up)" And just like that, I'm snapped back into reality. It was just a dream.
"I'm up, I'm up," I say slightly annoyed. I sit up in my bed trying to compose my messy bed hair.
Carla rolls her eyes and huffs, "You said you would go to the flea market with me."
"We can still go."
"It's already 1 o clock by the time we get there it will already be closed anyways I told you to be ready by 11."
"I may have slept through my alarm."
"Did you stay up late again?"
"Maybe. "
"What time did you go to bed?"
"Around 10:30 this morning."
"Unbelievable!"
"What I couldn't sleep. Besides its Sunday! Sunday's are meant to sleep in."
"Te juro que estas loca. (I swear your crazy)"
"You still love me though."
"I don't have much of a choice now do I?"
"Afraid not."
"So I'm assuming you didn't sleep well?"
"Not really."
"Another nightmare?"
"Pretty much."
"Was it the same dream?"
"Yup."
"How can you be so calm?"
"What do you want me to do? Do you want me to cry or something?"
"Well no but you always have nightmares. How can you be okay with that?"
"I don't know I guess I'm used to it."
"Has the medication not helped with your insomnia at all?"
"Carla I've been on that shit for five months now it's not helping. The most I slept in these last three days is 6 hours."
"Maybe they should change it?"
"To what? I've tried so many sleeping pills and none of them work."
"Well maybe there's more to your insomnia than that?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been through a lot. Maybe it's time you consider seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist while your at it."
"We've already talked about this I don't need to go see some quack jobbed doctor, so they can tell me what I already know."
"And what exactly would that be?"
"That I'm really fucked up."
She laughs and rolls her eyes, "I swear your crazy."
"And I swear one these days your eyes are gonna get stuck up there with the amount of times you roll your eyes." I watch as Carla rolls her once more."See there you go again."
"Whatever. Come on maybe if you talk about this it would help you sleep better at night."
"I doubt that."
"It's worth a try."
"Just drop it!"
"No! I can't just sit here and do nothing."
"I didn't ask for your damn help!"
"I know, but I can't stand the idea of you struggling. I know you say that your okay, but I can see right through that tough facade of yours. It might fool others but you can't fool me."
"Carla!"
"No, just please let me finish...you don't sleep, and when you do you always have nightmares, you hardly eat, and your obsessed with training and honestly I just don't know how to help you anymore, I wish I could but you need another type of help. Please either that or just let it go already."
"I can't."
"You can't or you won't?"
"Both."
"Please baby girl it's toxic to hold on to so much hurt and anger just try to forget about the past and live your life."
"Easy for you to say! You never had to go through any of it! How can do you expect me to forget when each night I relieve everything that he did to me. Tell me! How do I forget? How do I let it go when everytime I look at myself I'm reminded of what he did!" At this point I yelling, but I don't care because I've tried and no matter what I do I can't seem to forget. Carla comes up to me and hugs me.
"I’m sorry I didn't realize you felt this way."
"How could you I never talk about this."
"That's why you should talk to someone, please can you at least consider it for me?"
"I make no promises, but okay for you I'll think about it."
"Thank you baby girl." Carla releases me from the tight hug she had me caged in and begins playing with my hair.
"But this doesn't change anything."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to stop training."
"Baby girl."
"No!"
"That's not necessary your safe now, HE can't hurt you anymore."
"How can you be so sure?"
"We moved halfway across the country, we changed our identities, HE won't find us."
"You underestimate HIM."
"Alina I promise you HE will never hurt you again I wont allow it."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
"Will you stop already! Give Miguel and I some credit. We're not stupid, we knew what we were risking bringing you with us, and because of that Miguel took every precaution in faking our deaths and made sure it would be impossible for that MAN to ever tract us down."
"How can I? Are you forgetting HE'S the leader of the biggest cartel in North America! Are you forgetting HE has connections everywhere. No matter where I go HE will always find me that's why when HE does I'll be ready."
"It's been three years since we escaped and HE hasn't found us I'm sure he gave up already. "
"I'm sorry, but this isn't up for debate. I can't risk it."
I got up and walked to the bathroom feeling unsettled from the argument Carla, and I had just had. I turn the keys to scorching hot and get undressed and climb into the shower. I jump at the sensation of the hot boiling water, but there I remain until my body can adjust to the temperature. I do this often hoping to feel something, anything but all I can muster to feel is numbness. I began reminiscing over my conversation with Carla.
¿Cómo quiere que lo olvide? ¿Acaso se le olvidó todo lo que me hizo? ¿Realmente piensa que a ÉL se le olvidaría? ¡Soy su puta esposa por el amor de Dios! Sé que todavía me está buscando, y cuando me encuentre, me aseguraré de estar lista. (How can she expect me just to just forget? Did she forget everything HE put me through? Does she really think HE would forget? I'm HIS fucking wife for crying out loud! I know HE'S still looking for me, and when HE finds me I'll make sure to be prepared.)
🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁Author's Note🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁🏁
Hello my lovely readers! Thank you so much for reading my book. Please take into consideration this is my first story so please don't judge it too hard. I also suck at grammar so excuse any grammatical errors. I'm pouring my heart and soul into this book, call it a form of therapy because like Alina I'm a little fucked up too, but aren't we all? So I really do hope you enjoy it because it means everything to me, until next time my lovely readers.
