Darkness Loves Company
I look up into Mac's deep green eyes. My immense sadness must seep into my expression, because he winces in sympathy, and looks away. I would shrink away too, its hard to be this... different. But, I need someone to hang on to, someone to support me. I need a hug. I need something to help me.
We are two of the seventy students who showed up to school today. Yesterday, twenty kids had posted a common manifesto for a bomb in our school. Why? No clue. The weirdest news is that it was a credible threat, given that ten of them had chemists as parents. How they managed to band together... I couldn't even begin to fathom. The supposed bomb hasn't been found yet, but they are having school anyways. Because learning is definitely more important than our safety. Re
Three hundred kids didn't show up today. None of my friends are here. Only Mac, and he's literally my last resort. I tend to stay away from him. He too has been through some shit. Apparently his parents aren't as bad as mine though. He got out of the bad foster home, but I didn't. He's a thriving, but I'm just surviving. Although, at this point... its barely worth it.
My teacher didn't show up to school today, so we were being held in the library with six other students. Each of us were paired off, and put into seperate rooms to study in. With the stress of the situation, my serious anxiety disorder had sprung from its cage in my mind. Tears threatened to poor out from me, and my support animal Jackie isn't here today. My older sister had to take her to the veterinarian's office. Probably a good thing too, I wouldn't want them hurt.
And so there's only Mac. And he's not a cuddly person, sure he's caring and nice to my sister and her friends, but I've never seen him give anyone a hug or hell, even a pat on the back. Not once. My sister Karlee and I helped him through a rough patch, but we rarely talk anymore. He treats me like I have the plague. Probably because it was mostly Karlee helping him through.
His favorite nickname for him to address me as is "Bitch." I've given up on being hurt, I've grown numb. Its not like he's the only one constantly calling me that. I'm scared to relate to someone... to open up. I'm so great at steering away from people and blending in that even a chameleon would be jealous of my ability.
No one but me should have to bear the burden of my struggles.
The silence we sat in was interrupted by my previously quiet sniffles, which have grown louder in the past hours. We have literally been in this room for hours. Seven rings of hell, seven hours of suffocating suspense. Torture. Eventually, I lost the war with my eyes, and the tears start flowing down.
We could literally die today and no one would care. Well, not for me at least. Karlee would be devastated if Mac, her best friend, died. I'm just a burden for her, a waste of space. Nothing good has come from me being here.
People always say "Your time will come." Or some wise sayings like that. But the thing is, I've been waiting for sixteen years for my time to come. But, if I die today, no mark will be left behind. I was always the in the background. Hell, I probably always will be.
As I look into Mac's green eyes, I know I need something. And right now only he can help me. The librarian is two buildings away getting lunch for himself, and the guidance counselor didn't even bother to show up. I lean forward, and wrap my arms around Mac's body. I nestle my face in the crook of his neck, and can just hope he forgives me for this.
I cry into his shoulder intensely, letting out sob after broken sob. He grips me to him, and rocks me back and forth, knowing what I need. I did this for him just years earlier when he was going through a tough time, and I guess now he can return the favor.
Then, he had been the broken boy, much shorter and weaker than everyone else in the grade. But now, he is six foot five, and has grown bigger. Super intimidating. He wraps himself around me, giving off a strong protective aura. "I know. I know. Its ok, its ok. Your safe." He repeated this over and over, until the words were numb to my ears.
It seems like hours, and my anxiety attack has lessened. The sniffling resumes, and the tears dissipate. I lift my watery eyes up, meeting his soulful green ones. "I'm sorry, I need you. " His eyes widen at my quiet remark, probably not expecting me to say anything. I'm a very awkward person. It's a terrible inevitability that I'll make every situation worse. Its probably better when I say nothing.
"Is it ok that I... need you too right now?" He finally responds, swiping away a tear. I simply nod, dumbfounded by his unexpected kindness. We resume hugging, and soon his own tears escape, just to blend with mine.
I wake up with a loud gasp, pushing my now soaked hair back with shaking hands. I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing back the nightmares' feeling of devastation in my mind. I'm past that now. I'm past it. Snap out of it, Jenai. Maybe its time for a break from the studying... wait. God damnit! I fell asleep on my Civics books again.
My bleary eyes focus in on my old watch, and I sigh groggily. Three in the morning already. Might as well just sleep now. I tiptoe across my room, and softly plop down into my threadbare sheets. The mattress is barely held together, but at least its there. At least it hasn't broken on me, not yet anyways.
I shut my eyes again, waiting for sleep to take me. Eventually Darkness drowned me in its depths, and my eyes flutter shut. I'm almost safe again.
A/N: Im soooo excited for this book! Its been tossing around in my brain for awhile now, glad I can get it out there!
