Misguided

Nothing comes easy for me. Since I was born I've been a mistake. I don't even know why I'm alive. Oh wait my parents decided to have sex. Do you ever think if you weren't born would you be born some how. Because I do. I always wonder who my parents would be if I was born later in life. Because right now my mom is a druggie and well my dad is dead. Yup he's been dead for seventeen years. Ain't that just great. I have to take care of my little sisters Kayla and Ariel along with my little brother John. We all have different dads except John and Kayla.

My mom Diana is still with john and Kayla dad Domingo. He's such an ass. All he does is drugs, my mom and he sleeps. I'm lucky because I'm about to be eighteen. Once I turn eighteen I'm take my siblings with me. I've saved enough from working. Multiple jobs. I know I shouldn't have to take care of my siblings. But then who will. My family isn't the luckiest. All my moms boyfriends used me in ways I would not like to explain. I have cuts all up and down my thighs and arms. I usually wear hoodies and long sleeve shirt. Occasionally I wear shorts but they aren't booty shorts. So no one will see them and judge me. I mean I judge a shit ton of people. But I'm trying to not judge as much.

I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. Because I had a dream about the past. Yup I still have bad dreams. My thoughts are slowly killing me. I've been suicidal since everything that's has happened. I'm not a very happy person. I fake it all the time especially around other people and my siblings. But it's slowly killing me that I don't talk to anyone. Well I can't fall asleep. So I read on my phone. I bought myself a nice phone because I deserved it.

It's six in the morning I have an hour to get my siblings to school. John is twelve so he can head to the bus by himself. Ariel is three years younger then me. And gabby is about ten. But I still take care of them all. They all know how to get to school. But I'm the one who feeds them, the one who gives them clothes and phones and just about everything I can afford. And I pay the bills. I do dirty work.but hey it's getting the bills paid. I wish I didn't have to do it. But that's the only way I can get money fast. My family knows I'm working but they don't know what I'm doing. I'm drug dealing. I know I'm chancing my life but I'm doing this to help my family.

I head to school with Ariel because she is a sophomore and I'm a senior. So we go to the same school. I head to my locker and guess who's at my locker. Fucking Pablo the rich boy and jock. I don't even know why he talked to me. I'm the Emi girl who looks kind of lesbian and he's Mr. popular. I walk over with my head down.

"What do you want." I ask him

"I want you to go out with me." He says

" go fuck yourself." I tell him

"Thank you I will but I'll be thinking of you." He says grinning

I make a gagging sound and walk away. My first hour is boring as fuck. I mean I hate history. I sit in class with my headphones in and stare at the board. Most of the time I pretend to pay attention. Surprisingly I know most of it. I studied my ass off over the summer so I can graduate earlier then everyone else. I have till November to have all my credits. The bell rings so I head to English. I do people's essays to get extra money. I know it's all bad but hey it helps keep food on my siblings plates. My best friend Christopher is in this class with me. He's very sweet. Chris has black hair and wears glasses. He's very shy but at times he can be a bad boy. He's very popular and he sits with Pablo they actually are friends. Yea i know I'm friends with a jock. He wouldn't be a jock if I didn't kick him out of his shell. Chris plays baseball along with the guitar. We've been friends since eight grade. He's suck a good friend. Today I don't feel like talking to anyone so I give Chris are code.