Anguish / Joy

In the vast darkness were two individuals. One intertwined by chance, the other manipulated by circumstance. They were like jigsaw pieces forcibly linked together; like contrasting colors hastily blended in a rundown canvass.

They traversed this endless void not knowing the existence of one another. The two individuals had already forgotten when their journeys began. Their ankles were bound by heavy shackles—rustic fragments of their pasts. With every step arose loud metallic clacking as the shackles bumped on the floor.

Even so, they continued walking forwards.

They blindingly followed where their instincts lead them on, like lambs that lost their shepherds. Not a single opportunity did they take. Not a single time their eyes directed forwards. This lasted for what they thought what would be an eternity, until one fateful encounter; an untimely miracle that changed their lives for the rest of their journeys.

They both noticed a shadow forming on the distant misty horizon.

Like curious children, they slowly approached it. As they marched on, the forming silhouettes became clearer and clearer. They noticed that the shadow was also moving. It seemed human. It was also burdened with shackles the same as theirs.

They didn’t realize they were actually approaching each other.

Cautiousness plagued their persons. They stopped on their tracks, although their proximity was enough to make out the bluish silhouettes of each other. They both took a careful glance. Something immediately struck them odd. The figure felt distinct, familiar. This shadow, the owner of this silhouette—it feels as if they met this person before.

Just when they thought their paths would never cross again.

They finally remembered who was the person in front of them. An indescribable feeling sprouted on their chests. Their breathing became ragged, their pulses intensified, yet they still struggled to remain composed. They bore a face that seemingly met an old acquaintance.

The shock rendered them immovable.

Without regard on their reactions, a faint heartwarming light began glowing on the ground between them. The light was enough to reveal their faces. It produced crackling sounds like that of a bonfire. Its embracing warmth, even if only by little, was felt by the two. This ambience calmed their minds, almost enough for the two to forget each other’s presence.

Within the glowing pool soon came out warm bubbles of light, ablaze in strong tints of orange. Their flares had holes that seemingly formed humanoid shadows, all of which danced in the skittish flames. The bubbles joyously swirled as they slowly rose around the two individuals.

The humanoid shadows portrayed different scenes. In some bubbles, the shadows embraced themselves. In others, the shadows held hands. Patting each other’s backs, playing together, talking together—these kinds of interactions filled the air.

The two individuals just remained silent as they watched this light show in awe.

Glistening on their eyes were the reflections of these flaming orbs of light. Timid smirks began forming on their lips. The lights seemingly rekindled a tarnished candle inside their hearts—candles they forget even existed. They couldn’t describe this exhilaration; this surge of nostalgic feelings that gave them goosebumps.

Feelings of excitement, joy, and tenderness plunged on their minds. It felt like the shadows were also alive, humans just like they were—full of happiness and contentment. Watching the shadows was like a drug; their minds continued fleeting away from reality, their former restless expressions now displaying a large grin.

Nevertheless, something still felt amiss for these two.

Why am I smiling? One of them pinched their cheeks upon realizing the fact. The other one bit their lips in frustration after realizing it too. This is utterly stupid. I should not feel this way. This is wrong. They repeatedly told themselves such things.

Behind their excitement was a certain longingness. Inside their minds was a single, selfish wish. The desire to rewind the course of time... the chance to fix everything again. But even if that was possible, maybe they’d rather not pursue it. After all, they both knew they wouldn’t be able to change anything.

These thoughts flooded their minds; their confusion visibly affecting their composures. As their faces became disgruntled by their thoughts, the flickering bubbles surrounding them also transformed.

The heartwarming flares turned into bluish, fading sparks. Disharmony afflicted the miniature shadows; their affectionate tales soon were riddled with misunderstandings. Distasteful conflicts, solitude, and shed tears—the shadows were now displaying these.

Solitude became a comforting occurrence to the shadows. As more quarrels occurred, the times they spent on shedding tears increased. There was no longer harmony. The downwards spiral of hatred soon engulfed them. They would sometimes make up, bringing sudden joy. Yet the next day they would fight again, bringing anguish.

Joy. Anguish. Joy. Anguish. This was a cruel pattern, a pendulum whose every swing caused tremendous suffering. This became intolerable for the shadows. There was only one solution left to break this cycle. And the two individuals who were carefully watching these scenes knew the answer to that by heart:

Separation.

It was a painful reality, but that was the only case. The two individuals begrudgingly witnessed the shadows slowly parting their ways. The gloomy bubbles then dissolved in thin air. All was left were the two individuals and the pool of light that had already lost its warmth.

Their hands were shaking, their eyes all teary too. But what they were feeling was not just sympathy towards the shadows. It was a far more sinister sentiment.

They were staring into nothingness—perpetually stuck on one position. All the blunders and mistakes crept outside their repressed graves. It seemed that the distractions of daily life were not enough to completely remove these memories from them. Even after everything that happened, it still felt like yesterday for the two.

And they hated this feeling. It was a thought they didn’t entertain ever since the start of their journeys.

The two individuals pondered in silence, their thoughts echoing one another.

There was something that I always hated myself for, back then.

I am deeply flawed. I’m nothing but someone who has never done anything good in their life. I’ve committed many blunders. I’ve messed up a lot of times.

Even life doesn’t do me any good either...

I don’t understand.

I still couldn’t escape from them... my mistakes, my shortcomings—they’re still dragging me down.... I can’t let go of it. I wonder why?

For the longest time, this was nothing but a burden I had to carry.

So why?

Why can’t I let go of it? After all this time.... After all the suffering.... Why?

I don’t know.

All I know... is that I’m lost.