Wayward Salivation ;)

"Straight out of the gate you can tell this is his first attempt at writing something like this and like all newborn's the first steps are the trickiest and result in a few bumps and bruises. But there's an obvious natural aptitude as these wrinkles are quickly ironed out and the tension and the atmosphere is built quite easily even for something that was quite benign. I thought it worked really well, putting you in India's perspective and her heightened sense of emotional vulnerability. The first thing that threw me was the sci-fi theme. And to be honest it seems a little off as I'm reading this and it seems to be a drama and then it turns out Lora, the love interest, is like an alien cat person. I really found it, I hate to say it; 'Tantalizing' the description is really great, some of the similes suck but that's what a good editor is for but the atmosphere is great and I found myself getting really swept up in the sci-fi romance aspects. It reminded me a little bit of Mass Effect and romancing Tali Zora, this exotic alien woman, of which the captain isn't even sure if her body is even 'compatible' with his or whatever. So you not only have this dynamic tension of the standard 'Will they won’t they' love romance scenario, it's almost like 'is it even feasible' because you love who you love but as Fry found out in Futurama; you can't fuck a mermaid. Overall I think the tension is built nicely and he really captured the awkwardness that surrounds forming a new relationship, just telling someone how you feel about them. My only criticisms despite what I mentioned about Mass Effect, is that I don't really get the relevance of the sci-fi back drop. You could literally replace this with any other back drop, steampunk/cyberpunk/fantasy/zombies. I realise I'm being over-critical and this is just a preview/introduction and the initiation of probably a pivotal relationship in the story. Regardless not a lot happened or was hinted at but again just a preview. The romance was very believable and frankly fucking hot ha-ha. I'm a little reluctant to say I wish it had gone further. It fumbled a little with perspective which is a bit of a no-no, we go from India's perspective then it switches to Lora, which editor's usually pitch a fit over but could easily be corrected. I really got into the chased romantic elements and I can see how it could really be exacerbated in a sci-fi setting. Some of the exposition was a little blunt and hackneyed, it could have been a little smoother but it worked for the scene overall in terms of setting the parameters of their relationship and individual back stories. Overall I really liked the emotional aspects, the description put me in the room enough to feel the sexual tension and want to push further and the sci-fi back drop makes me want to read more to see how it ties in with the overall story."