LETTING HIM GO

Start As I stood by the window and stared at the traffic which lively moved around the city, I couldn’t help but feel calm inspite of all the chaos.

The past year hasn’t been an easy one.

Breaking up with the man whom I loved with all of my heart wasn’t the most easiest thing for me, but here I am.

I closed my eyes and thought of the fateful day when things changed for us.

*Flash back*

“Hey Zac, I’ve been trying to call you for the past hour. I’m so sorry. I hope everything is okay”, I spoke as soon as he answered the call.

“I’m fine. Why’d you call?“, the man I love asked bluntly.

“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have ended things with you. I was just under so much of pressure from my family that I had to give up on you for a while. But not now, not anymore. I’m willing to do everything to have you back. I’m sorry, Zac”, I spoke as tears streamed down my face.

I regretted breaking up with my boyfriend because I was under serious pressure from my parents who ‘assumed’ that my Zac was a flirt.

I tried balancing things between by family and boyfriend, but I failed as a daughter and girlfriend.

But not anymore.

Today is the day I get to be the perfect girlfriend.

After three months of regretting my decision of breaking up with Zac, today I’ve decided that I want Zac over my family.

“Deanna! Listen to me!“, I heard Zac yell, snapping me out of my trance.

“I’m sorry, babe. I really am”, I said as I wiped a few more stray tears.

“Deanna, I don’t think that’s a good idea”, he said, surprising me.

“Don’t say that, Zac. I love you. I’m sorry that I even broke up with you, but I really want to be with you”, I spoke.

There was a brief silence on the other end.

“Zac? Are you there?“, I asked thinking he hung up on me.

“Uh, Deanna, I... uh, actually”, he fumbled for words.

“What’s it’s Zac?“, I asked, my heart roaring in my chest, fearing for what he’d say.

“I’m sorry, I’ve moved on. I’m dating Meg”, he said before hanging up.

*Flash back ends*

It took me a whole year to move on.

Letting go isn’t easy when you love someone and know that they’re happy without you, but that’s what life teaches you.

After a year of depression and emotional instability, I’ve finally learnt to let go of someone who was my world.

I will probably always love Zac, but I will let go of him because he didn’t want to be loved by me.

The traffic reminds me of him because he was the chaos in my calm world.

A chaos which changed my life and its direction.

A chaos that I once loved.

A chaos that taught me to let go. writing here…