Something to hold on to
"Vadina! Vadina! Aww! Aren't you the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Especially in that exquisite Kanchivarum Saree? " said Anuhya my beautiful sister-in-law to be. I smiled in response and said, "Of course the beauty is all because of the Saree. You my dear Anya, have outdone yourself, with this Saree".
Anya rolled her eyes, " clothes just accentuate the features of the person who wears. This Saree just adds up to your beauty. You are beautiful. Come on 5.6 feet height, right sided dimple, and most importantly good curves! No doubt my brother can't keep his eyes off you," she said with an exasperated sigh.
"just eyes! I think he can't keep his hands off you too. I mean he is got something to hold on to, " Drithi my best friend added with a mirth on her face. The rest of my friends burst out laughing. Fine laugh it out, isn't it just payback for what I did during their wedding? I asked myself. Quite possible.
"Anyhow, it's time for Gowri Pooja, come let's go down".
I got up and looked myself in the mirror one more time. I was wearing a light green Kanchivarum Saree with big border of the same colour, which was gifted by my in laws during my Nischithartam. My blouse was the darker shade of green, with a lot of embroidery. I had teamed it up with heavy antique jewellery. Dark coal eyes, nude lips, with a highlighter undertone and not so subtle blush, completed my look. I have been someone who was always insecure about how I look. It had largely to do with my weight. But now when I look myself in the mirror with my friends admiring me, I think I look beautiful.
I slowly turned and started walking towards the stage where Gowri Pooja's was taking place. I took slow and gentle steps, in the fear that my Saree pleats would come off or my hair pins would loosen up and my bun would fall off. Can you blame me? I don't want to be that bride who stole the limelight. I just want to be that bride who will bring a smile on my husband's face and make him go awe the minute he sees me. Is it too much to ask? I don't know. I just know today I should look picture perfect because, my fiance is the epitome of perfection. And that bought a smile on my face.
Lost in my fiance's thoughts I did not realize when I reached the Mantapam. I slowly lowered myself in the peeta that was kept for me. Taking a deep breath I looked at the Poojary. This is it. The beginning of my new life and a soft smile played on my lips.
The Poojary started his mantras and I could hear my friends fake snore. God they hate these rituals. But I, I listened to every mantra he chanted because this is him auspiciously starting my new life. I may not understand anything he says but these moments are still very important to me. After his mantras were over, he looked at me and smiled. "Gowri Pooja was first done by Rukmini Devi. She had loved Lord Krishna and had yearned for him, all her life. She waited every day, that he would come and ask for her hand in marriage. And when the wait prolonged, she prayed Gowri Devi to end her troubles and send the person her heart has always wanted, because the wait is too painful.....
While the Poojary said those things, I realized how apt this was to my story. I did wait for him, all my life. I did pray for him. So that he would come and end all my troubles. I strongly believe that when life gives you lemons, one should try a make lemonade out of it. Well I would prefer lime soda, but personal choices right?
I have always been a girl whose weight has been way high for her height, whose BMI is borderline unhealthy. So I rarely had any relationship or anything that lingers around that. Let's just say my clumsiness added to it. I was that girl who everyone loved to be with, had a good laugh with and then forgot about. A girl perfect for being a good friend, hence my name Maithri. Not that it mattered anyways. Because boys and boyfriends are a big no no in my family. So why enter the room knowing it will be problematic? I just left that arena of life untouched. Plus being a med students is demanding.
It was during my internship my parents started pressuring me to reduce weight. You know why? Gah!! It's simple. I was 23 and I had to get married in next two to three years, and who would marry a chubby girl like me. So I gave into their demands and joined all the weight loss programs from swimming to Jumba classes to dance classes to Gym. And I finally settled down on gym. Gosh! How I hated gymming in the initial days of it, now I cannot think of a day without gym. It's my guilty pleasure. Wink! But what about romance novels? Hmm.. May be gymming is not my guilty pleasure after all. Shrug!
After half an year into the gym and extensive diet control, which was so hard and I don't intend on continuing it, I reduced enough weight to be called fit and what Drithi calls hot and sexy. My parents were proud to say the least. Gym and good food had bought a different glow on my face. They started taking me to the weddings and parties, to publicize me and to let the community know I am in the market. I did not really mind because I got good clothes and jewellery. Shallow I know. But not guilty. I love clothes and getting dolled up.
I have always heard my P.E teacher say that sports brings our discipline and confidence in you. And I realised its true, when increasing fitness increased my confidence proportionally. The attention which I was getting from my PGs was unnerving yet exciting. As intern, with less responsibility and no studies, I had a lot of time to fool around. And that's when I met Harsha. The guy was so charming, it was all stars and sunsets. The guy vomitted rainbows and pooped unicorns, not literally. But you get the point right? Everything he did was swoon worthy. There were times when I used to kick myself or pinch myself to check if I am dreaming. Life suddenly became colourful. Our story did not end with my internship. He was there with me during my preparations for NEET. He was in final year medicine and he had to read. There were times when we used sit all night together and read. We had become very comfortable. I was always at his home, reading or cooking something for him. When he came back home he used to kiss me on my forehead and we used to talk. Then we used eat or feed each other. Our life was very domestic. Honeymoon period just prolonging. We were in our bubble with nothing to break it. I was happy, like on the highest cloud. I just did not want see the reality, where my parents got to know about this and immediately bought me back home. Where I cried every day because I missed him. Where I struggled everyday with heart break and unpleasant taunts. My life was becoming a hell and when I got to know Harsha was getting engaged, it was final blow.
I suddenly got down from my euphoria. The love which had clouded my judgement cleared and I suddenly felt stupid. So stupid I just was determined to redeem myself. And that was my NEET. I studied hard, it was Harsha's dream for me to ace the exams. He always talked how we would both study hard and make a beautiful future together. I don't know about future, but I wanted to make sure my present was perfect. So I studied. Really hard! To shut the mouth of the people who believed I got side tracked. To prove those people wrong who thought I was better of fat because I would have atleast not bought a disgrace to the family. To prove that my love for Harsha was just constructive.
Getting a seat in internal medicine, in the most prestigious AV Hospitals had my beautiful and well opiniated relatives mouth shut for short amount of time. Just when i thought my life was getting better, another hurdle presented itself. A wedding proposal. Convincing myself that I will never be with Harsha, I agreed for the proposal, only for it get cancelled because they got to know about Harsha and I.
I did not understand why it was such a crime for a girl to have a premarital relationship. Every proposal that came, did go away as fast as it came. The only reason was they got to know about Harsha. Every time a proposal came, the dowry increased and when it got cancelled the distance my parents and I increased. And the final nail to the coffin was when my paternal cousin, got engaged. That severed the relationship between my parents and I. By this time I had reached my second year. Where I had my specialty postings and that's where I met Dr. Poorna Vallabheneni. Her family were the highest shareholders of the AV Hospital. Though I was interested in interventional cardiology, she piked my interest in neurology. I hated neurology. I still remember my final year MBBS where I had prayed God, that I should not get a neuro case. Anything other than neurology. Hell rhuematology was okay too. But that changed when I met her.
Neurology suddenly seemed interesting. I admired her and she adored me. My classmates said Dr. Poorna chose her protegee, me. I laughed it off. She had become more than my mentor. When my neuro postings finished, I was really upset. Seeing that, she invited me to her home. I met with her family, which was huge, just like mine but happy unlike mine.
I took leave for few days after my second year. You see, I had twenty five days of leave in the entire year and I did not take a single one, well because what do I do taking a leave? My family really did not welcome me. And my friends.. I ignored them after my life started going downhill. But this time around Dr. Poorna forced me to go home. She said things will get better this time.
I went home. My parents were still aloof. My paternal uncles and aunts still taunted me because my cousin's marriage was on hold, courtesy me. I was just deciding that I will cut short my leave and go back to hospital, when parents got a call about a proposal.
I still remember my aunts taunting, how they are tired of doing this again and again. How all of this will go down the drain soon. How we are wasting money on this stupid Pelli choopulu. I sighed and kicked them out telling I will get ready myself.
My interest in getting dressed was next to nill. I wore a simple cream Chikankari Saree, with a boat necked blouse of same colour with slight bling on it. I left my hair open , a pearl bangle, watch and tear drop earrings finished of my look. My grandparents hated that look. It was apparent with there look of disdain. But did I care? I have passed that stage.
I took the coffee tray and walked into the hall, expecting just the guy's father, mother and him. But I found a huge army. There were two elder men and women. One young couple, two young men, out of which one might be a groom and and a teenage girl. How did so many people end up her. Great! the more the greater the humiliation. Get ready Maithri, you will need all the courage you have. The initial introductions were over and I got to know that the to be grooms name is Akrish. Akrish, looked very handsome and equally uninterested. Great! Another rejection on the way. I could imagine my cousin, Lathika smirking. It has always been a competition between us. From studies to dresses. Now her getting engaged first and me struggling to land myself a single guy is a success story for her to brag about. Our parents decided it's best we talk. So I took him out to the lawn. He looked at me and then toyed with the glass in his hand and then scratched the back of his neck and and looked around. Okay! I thought. Enough is enough. I will make it easy for him.
"I am not a virgin , " I expected a lot of reactions but him spitting out the juice he was drinking wasn't one of them. He looked at me bewildered. Knowing i hit the right target I continued.
"you can go ahead and reject me. But just tell them I am not beautiful enough. Not my previous affair as a reason. Caused me enough problems already ". I mumbled the last part to myself. I did not understand how Harsha got engaged in three months and I am still a spinster. Why is it okay for a guy to have relationship and not the girl. They should realize that for a guy to have a relationship there should be a girl and vice versa unless they are a gay or lesbian. I was deep in my thought about to notice that Akrish had moved closer to me.
"why should I reject you? " he asked, his voice filled with curiosity.
"isn't it obvious? "
He pursed his lips and frowned. Then he shook his head and said no
" I was in an intimate relationship with a guy before".
He shrugged and asked "are you still in one? "
I shook my head. He moved a step closer, so close that I could feel his breath on me.
"If previous relationship is the reason I have reject you for, then you will have to reject me a thousand times," with that he walked away.
The rest of the event was blurr. I did not register anything. I have frankly told guys before this and none of them reacted like this. I may be very upfront about this but it's better cut it off at the bud if there is no future.
The family said they we let their decision known by tonight and they left. Knowing this will be an other rejection, I started picking up the sweet plates, when I felt a presence behind me. Still bent I looked around to find Akrish. He casually held my hand and bent down . When he was at the level of my ear he whispered, " If I were to reject you, I will never reject you for your appearance. Because you are one of the most beautiful woman I have met," and winked.
He then took a jalebi and straightened, and said out loud, " the jalebi is very good, could not stop myself".
As I stood there thinking what happened, he walked out.
"It's a belief that Gowri Pooja will get you a groom who will love and respect you. That is the reason why all the young unmarried girls are asked to do Mangala Gowri Vratham. And now that you have husband, you are doing this Pooja to show how great full you are to have gotten a good husband. Like Krishna to Rukmini," the Poojary's voice bought me out of the reverie.
And I thanked Gowri Devi. I had not done any Mangala Gowri Vratham. But I am greatful that I have been given my personal Krishna. My Akrish.
