1
•rebecca•
"Kitten,"
I don't turn around.
I keep looking at the dark park. All I can hear is my quick breath, my heart knocking at my ribs. All I can feel is my chest rising up and down so quickly.
I hold onto the edge of the bench because it feels like I could collapse even without being on my feet.
"No." I repeat to myself, looking down at the floor.
This can't be happening.
This must be like all the other times I could hear him when I spoke to him in the darkness of my closet.
"I'm here with you, princess."
"I'll see you soon."
"Stay strong for me."
His voice I'm hearing is just like the other ones all in my head.
But the presence. I've haven't felt his presence before.
"Rebecca, look at me," He insists, his voice low and determined.
I get the urge to turn around, but I don't think I'll be able to handle it if all I see behind me are the empty dark streets of Toronto.
I bring myself to turn around after a few breaths and time seems to slow down.
After over a year of believing that the only place I would see him was in my mind, it is absolutely overwhelming to see Him in front of me.
He hasn't changed one bit. He's the same man that I left laying on the floor a year ago. Except maybe the light beard growing on his face. And the feeling of his presence is just, darker.
All of the surroundings around me is completely muted and blank except him, just like in my brain. All I can think about was the man that I love in front of me.
The corners of his lips rise while mine hang down. For so long I was the light for him, but him standing here, he is curing the darkness in me.
I support myself with the back of the bench so I won't collapse, enjoying the silence that we are making together.
"I can't believe this." I scoff, running my fingers through my hair. This is just so much, I don't even know how to feel, what to say, what to do.
Why am I not jumping to his arms? Kissing those soft lips?
"I'm here, baby. I'm alive." He says, taking a few steps closer to me.
I take a few breaths and let go of my hair to look up at him. "H-How?"
He walks until he is close to me, and places his hands on my shoulders. His touch feels so warm and perfect. I almost feel as though his touch was the last piece of him that I needed to feel whole.
"I'll tell you everything, but we need to go." He pulls me to my feet, before placing his big hands between my face. "Fuck, I missed you."
I smile before he begins to hastily pull me towards the car. The way he pulls me is like he has plans for when we arrive.
"Shawn, Shawn!"
He stops in his tracks, and searches my eyes before pushing me to the car and placing a few hungry kisses on my lips before looking at me again.
"What? What is it?" He rushes.
"W-where are you taking me?" I stutter, looking down at his lips so he gives me more.
Which he does, before pulling away and putting his attention back to my question.
He looks at me confused. "Home? Back to New York."
I shake my head, backing away from him, but taking a step in front of him when I realize what I did.
The words about leaving my family don't even come out, but I know I'm supposed to care.
I look back at my house at the end of the street and then back at him.
This is all so surreal. Time seemed to be either speeding up or slowing down.
There is no time to process this and I almost feel like it's not real despite the sight of him, his voice and his touch.
I don't even care to be honest, my life with Shawn was so much better than my life here, so I could care less about dropping everything and leaving as long as I'm with him.
He picks me up from my torso after opening the car door and places me in it.
"We'll sleep in a hotel and leave tomorrow morning after you say your goodbyes or whatever. But you're coming with me."
I nod, watching him buckle me up quickly. After a few more kisses on my lips, he walks around the car to start driving away.
"Shawn, how-?" I begin.
"Ask me anything when we get to the hotel." He interrupts.
We stay here in silence, driving smoothly down the road.
The sky is dark, and stars are filled in it.
This seems too perfect to be true. I know that everything isn't back to normal, it's just a matter of time until something happens.
It seems like something always happens between us. Or something happens to me, or to him.
The man who tried to violate me, then the Russian man almost killing him, then I almost died in their gang war. When I thought everything was going perfect between us, he died.
Well at least I thought he did.
It shouldn't be a surprise because how we came about was fucked up all together.
So it's not a shock that my life wasn't going to be a smooth road from there.
I can only imagine what other bump we will come across from here.
We arrive at a large hotel, where it doesn't take long for us to find a suite. When we step in, I stand in front of the large window, looking at the view of the buildings.
I feel him walk behind me and I can feel his strong gaze on me as he waits for me to speak.
"Explain."
The tears are already starting to build before I could even know everything I need to know.
"I was wearing a vest."
He states, and I hear him taking closer steps.
Remembering that night, I think back at when I was watching back the tapes.
I was so focused on replaying his death in my head that I completely stayed away of the fact that I saw him put a bulletproof vest on.
The way he fell though, the way the blood poured out of his chest, it all seemed like it was over.
"I had to make sure it was safe for me to come back to you." He defends.
I shoot my head back towards him, my anger diminishing as I look at those green orbs shining in the darkness.
"For a year?" I shudder, sitting back on the window sill and resting the back of my head on the window.
He nods slowly, walking even closer.
"I was so broken." I sob, letting my tears fall.
He begins to caresses my cheek, and I move my head into his touch.
"I was too, but I'm here now, and I'm not leaving, okay?" He reassures me.
We sit there in silence. I enjoy his breathing I've been so desperate to hear and his touch I've been so desperate to feel.
His thumb on my cheek just feels like the best sensation in the world, and his touch is just so comfortable yet electric at the same time.
"Fuck, I missed you." He curses, bringing his lips to mine.
I kiss him like I haven't seen him in a long time. Which is exactly the case.
He picks my up by my waist and sets me down on the large bed. My feet hang as he begins to take off my sweatpants and hoodie, leaving me in just a sports bra and panties.
I watch him swallow hard in struggle as he takes me in.
For the past year, my mind has been strictly on mourning, taking my focus away from food.
My ribs poke out of my stomach no matter what way I'm standing, the gap between my thighs is visible and my knees pop out.
The fifty pounds that I lost makes me look completely unhealthy. It's not like I look sick, but from how I used to be, it looks like I'm unhealthy.
He looks up and down at my body and seems to be saddened by me.
Seeing me now, he knows that his affect on me is so strong and I am not myself with his absence.
"I'll take care of you." He comforts.
I nod and feel that lump in my throat form again.
I have so many questions to ask him still, but not tonight. Tonight, I don't care about a thing rather than spending the time with Shawn.
He jumps in the bed with me and gives me a night that was just as special as it used to be.
