Orange

It was my cousin's birthday. She had sent me instructions through text. I relayed them in my head, putting her voice behind the screen of my cold Galaxy s5, making sure I got the location right. I always called it the "cold Galaxy s5" because I felt like I lived in a cold galaxy. Nobody cared about me, nobody wanted me. I guess that's why I liked my cousin, Judy. She was the only one who seemed to care.

Why was I so unsure about this? I was jumpy, skittish. I don't know why I had to check my phone so much to make sure I had the place right, we came here all the time. She had told me to go to the diner off of Charlotte Avenue. It was our go-to place. I liked the cold tacky plastic and cork wood tables and the 60's music they played. The blue and white tile floors and the Twinkie posters really made the place feel... I don't exactly know... It didn't feel old... It felt like somebody had taken a page from an old book and shoved it into the new fresh story of my life. It was that one page in every book that the ink is a tone bolder than the other pages. I liked it.

I had ordered my usual: a corn dog and a large lemonade. I was always disgusted at the thought of hot dogs and sausages. I mean, it's just mystery meat shoved into a processed package that's "edible" and sprayed with chemicals, but corn dogs were the only way I cold hold down a piece of hot dog. The so called "corn" covered the thought of the nasty meat.

When the waitress brought my corn dog, it was releasing a ton of steam, so I just sipped the lemonade from a cold foam cup with a black cardboard straw. The bell above the door rang. Judy came in wearing a bright neon orange dress that I assumed her boyfriend had bought her for her birthday. Judy hated orange and I pictured her faking a grin as she pulled the tissue paper from the bag before hugging an ignorant Jonathan. Her eyes darted around, looking for me. They locked onto mine and I raised an eyebrow to show my surprise at her attire. She smiled and walked over.

"New dress?" I sputtered, coughing up a little lemonade.

"Shut up!" We both burst out laughing. As she sat in the peeling red booth across from me, she swung her leopard print purse off her shoulder. Judy. Oh Judy, my best friend. She was eighteen now, and I was seventeen, one year behind. I still had my SAT to do and she had graduated the year before, but that didn't affect us, we were cousins.

"So, what's new?" She asked.

"Nothing much," I said before I thought. "I got a new truck!" I remembered the 2004 Chevy I had bought that week.

"Really?!" Her eyes grew large in excitement. "What kind?"

"A white pick-up."

"Cool!" The waitress came back around, handing Judy a syrupy menu.

"Oh, I'll have Rusty's Pancakes," Judy said and shoved the menu back. We had eaten here enough to know what to get without the menu. "And a glass of milk," she added.

"Oh, uh, okay." She waitress turned promptly and walked off, her cold heels clicking on the tile floor.

"How about you?" I asked my cousin.

"Huh?" she twisted her lip to one side like she always did when she was confused. Her dimples shifted and her eyes shone with interest.

"What's new?" I reminded her.

"Oh! Well, I got this thing." She gestured at her dress, smiling. "And, let's see, I was accepted to William and Mary." What the heck? I knew she was smart but I never thought she was that smart. Why wasn't she more excited?

Then, I noticed it. Something swiftly brushed against my leg. It was her shoe. Her chin was resting on her hand, with her pinky finger stroking her red stained lips. She was smiling at me, pretending to be thinking, but holding something back.

"What else?" I voiced my judgement of her actions.

"Okay! You got me!" She exclaimed. She leaned in close. I grinned hysterically. I loved it when she was like this. She was playful. She flung up her hand while displaying the biggest smile I had ever seen. A shiny diamond hung from her ring finger. Jonathan had proposed.

"Well, that's a better birthday present than an orange dress!" I blurted out. She punched me and laughed.

***

I pulled off my shirt and flung myself into bed. Looking at the ceiling, I thought about Judy. My mind raced with unexplored ideas. I flick the switch on my rusted antique lamp. Dark.

***

The next thing I knew, it was light. I scrambled up and pulled a green cozy sweatshirt on as I climbed down the ladder to a wreck of a house. Clothes hung on the couch and miscellaneous utensils were placed throughout the furniture. My room was the loft. My little brother slept downstairs in his own room. I liked the loft though. It gave me a secluded part of the house where I could have time to myself if I wanted or join the family from the edge when I felt like it. My parents' room was below the loft. I was the only one up and the sun was rising in our pleasant sun room. In the kitchen, I poured a lonesome bowl of Lucky Charms, filled it with milk, and walked out onto the wooden porch. I know I have terrible eating habits, but it really doesn't matter because of my metabolism and how athletic I am. Oh, and I drink smoothies every four hours, so I'm fine.

I plopped down onto the old metal lounge chair. I was tired. I hadn't gotten much sleep and I needed a day off of my sporadic busy high school senior life. Luckily, it was Saturday. I opened my cold Galaxy s5 and dialed my only friend's number. It was easy to find because my only three contacts were: Dad; Mom; and Judy. Cold galaxy, huh? However, she didn't answer. This was Judy-the Judy who came to every small speech you gave in school; the Judy who came to every soccer game; the Judy who always answered the phone. For the first time in my life I heard her robotized voice say, "You've reached Judy's phone. Please leave a message after the beep."

I guess she was busy. But Judy was never too busy to talk. Well, she did just get engaged... a little voice in my head said. OK, that was a valid point. I guess I can let her slip this time.

Finishing my bowl of cereal, or marshmallows if you're salty, I came inside through the battered screen door. Mom was cooking eggs and maple bacon and the whole house smelled like syrup. "Breakfast?" She asked, grinning at me.

"I already ate," I said rudely. I clanked the ceramic bowl into the sink and strode across the house to the front door. She frowned and went back to turning over the crispy brown strips of meat. My torn shoes were over worn and easy to pull on. Grabbing the key off the hook, I flung the door open. I marched across the gravel driveway to my truck. I could feel the metal springs pushing the fabric up under my rear. I plugged my phone into the aux cord and opened Spotify. Little Talks by Monsters and Men? No, too weird. How about, White Sky by Vampire Weekend? Yeah, that's more like it. I pushed the gas pedal down and turned the ignition. The engine spluttered to life. I switched to drive and lurched up the overgrown driveway. I wasn't going anywhere in particular, I just needed some fresh air.

***

The wind blew my hair. I was going forty on the back road we lived off of. My arm laid idle on the half open window. Oh, Judy! I thought. I can't wait for the wedding!

Flashing. Somebody's hazard lights were on. They were a while away and I could barely see them between the waving branches across the road and the piercing rays of light that punctured the gaps in the trees. The car was pulled over on the side of the road by the time I reached it. They had a flat tire. It was Jonathan's drab little Camry. He was at the trunk working at the jac and struggling to pull it out. I slammed the brakes and skidded up next to him. He looked up from his work and smiled, the sun shining off his aviator sunglasses. "Care to help?"

"Nah! I'll pass!" I pushed the gas and flung up to park in front of him. Slamming the door, I tramped through the dust around his ancient car. I gave the jac a single yank and nothing happened. We started laughing. Jonathan was like the older brother I always wanted, and I remembered that he would soon be my cousin. "Congrats!"

"Haha! You heard? I guess you were the first one to find out!" A grin creased his tan face.

"I was talking about the tire!" I joked. He frowned.

"You're funny," he said, ignoring my victory and returning to work. But he had to admit that a smile did creep up his face.

After we finally freed the jack of its oppressive spot in the trunk, I cranked it up while Jonathan unscrewed the hub. We got the work done in about an hour. It was our first time replacing a tire and we were struggling with the instructions on YouTube.

When we were done, he held out his hand to shake mine and I took it. His other hand was behind his back and he looked over his glasses, a glimmer in his eyes. His other hand shot forward and he threw a cloud of dust at me! It took me a moment to realise what had happened. I reached into the hot dirt and launched a handful onto his ugly blue and orange shirt. We laughed more as the dust war blew on. We made a huge cloud that enveloped both vehicles. I ran around the front of my truck hoping to come back and surprise him. I crept along the side and suddenly a pound of sand fell down the back of my shirt. Jonathan leaped out of the truck bed as I pulled off my sweatshirt and shook the dust out.

"Surrender?" He asked.

"Never!" I yelled. I yanked my shirt back on, but before we could bend down for more dirt a siren came.

Horrrk! Horrrk! A fire truck flew by.

Weedoo! Weedoo! Sheriff.

Ewoooooo! Ewooooo! Ambulance. Jonathan opened his iPhone and dialed Judy.

"Hey, it's Jonathan. I just wanted to tell you that there's an accident on Mellbringer's road. Don't come home this way." I guess he got the voicemail too. "She's at work," he said after he turned off the phone.

"I was just going to Judy's house to bring your aunt flowers. Do you want to come?"

"No thanks," I said.

"Okay, thanks for the help!" We hugged. I got in my truck and drove in the direction of the emergency vehicles. They probably are off this road by now. I thought. I kept driving, the swift wind stroked my face. I rounded a curve. Whoa! All the emergency vehicles were parked here, people were rushing along a stretcher that held a body in it. They were shouting and hurrying. The cars and trucks made a Christmas light show, but ignoring that, I looked at the accident. It was a car against a tree, steaming and on fire. It was Judy's yellow Volkswagen Beetle.

***

I screamed and jumped out of the truck without turning the engine off. I ran to the ambulance doors as they shut me out. The red and white car flew away before I could reach it. I fell onto my knees, my tears making streak lines down my dirt coated face. "Hey! You!" A cop with an African accent was yelling at me. "You!" He grabbed me by the shoulder and yanked me around. I looked up at him and he scowled. "You aren't s'post to be here!" I stood on wobbly legs and raced back to my truck. There was a small gap in the crowd that was big enough for my truck. The only thing keeping me from it were the flimsy wooden police barricades. I plowed through them and rushed down the road in a frenzy. I drove to the hospital with my knuckles white on the steering wheel.

The hospital was in the most dense part of town. It was a block away from the diner and a couple miles away from our house. But that didn't matter. I crossed as many red lights that came my way. In all honesty, I don't remember the rest of that day all that well from the trauma of it. I remember Dr. Brown telling me that Judy wouldn't make it. I remember saying goodbye to her. I remember crying in my room that night.

But there is something that I remember clear and sharp. I remember being in a ball on the carpeted floor of my bedroom. I had my lights out and I was just crying. The door opened and a shaft of yellow light rushed into the dark room. Somebody sat on my bed.

"Patrick?" It was Jonathan. "Patrick, I-uh-Judy-," He let out a huge exhale. "When sh-she was in the hospital, Judy told me to give you th-this."

I was silent. After a few minutes, he left the room without shutting the door and I snuck a glance at the bed. A package. I crawled up and grabbed it. I shredded the tape open and stared at its contents. A note was the first thing I saw and it read in big bold letters, "Now we can match!"

"Judy! Oh Judy!" I fell on the floor, smiling and crying and hugging a neon orange T-shirt.

***

It was my cousin's birthday. I was sitting in the same booth as I had sat in the year before, I was wearing the orange shirt she had given me. I missed Judy. I missed her smile, her laughter. She was great. I was sipping my lemonade and thinking about the past year. I had graduated from high school and was pursuing my dream of being an author. I realised that I had really had friends. There was my little brother, James. Oh, and Jonathan. I guess mom was a great inspiration to me through my senior year. And Judy, the new boxer puppy my aunt bought me, had been my loyal companion for the last few months. I guess this galaxy isn't so cold after all. It was just me pushing all of them away.

***

It was my cousin's birthday. I strolled into the classy diner with my puppy, Judy. Well, I guess she wasn't exactly a puppy anymore. Her sides were wider with the adult dog feel. Her paws finally fit her legs. She had the usual boxer huge chest. My new boss, the owner of the diner, was letting me bring her to work today. I wore my blue button down uniform and had practiced enough to wait tables. First day of work. I think I'm ready! I thought. I pulled on the door handle. Judy wrestled and squirmed in my arms, sniffing and trying to break free. She smelled food and people, her favorite things. The glass doors swung open easily, triggering the familiar copper bell. Jonathan turned around from washing the dishes and smiled that same grin he had shown when he threw the dust on me.

"Patty!" He said joking. It was his play name he pleasantly mocked me with. He ran over with his soapy hands.

"No! No! No!" I shouted, laughing. Judy jumped onto the ground and started barking at him. Her little nub of a tail was wagging furiously. Jonathan ruffled my hair, coating it in suds. "Ugh!" I chuckled and stumbled into the men's room to clean it out. When I pushed open the heavy wooden door, I jerked my head into the sink as quickly as I could. The water was freezing and I tried yanking my head out, but I hit the faucet. Ouch! I returned to the sink and rubbed the soap out. Now, my hair was drenched. The dryer did a great job drying it, hence the name, but it left my hair in a nasty mane. "Jonathan!" I yelled, cracking up. I turned around to leave, but a little boy in "cool" sunglasses was standing behind me. He had been waiting for me to be done at the sink. I just downright stared at him. It wasn't his sideways grin making a confused smirk. It was his shirt-a neon orange shirt. He casually walked up to the sink like I hadn't just used it as a vanity, and he started washing his hands. I stood there, one hand still absentmindedly under the rustling blow dryer. He brushed his wet hands on his shirt and walked out of the room, peeking at me over his aviator sunglasses. I miss you, Judy! I said to myself.

Shoving open the door, I skidded across the tile to the milkshake machines where Carys, my fellow employee, was working. Carys was calm. She wasn't like most girls though. Her black hair was tied into a messy sporadic bun with an ice cream spoon I recognized from the kitchen silverware supply. She had light blue eyes that gave off their own kind of light. Her lips were always in a smile, a solid white smile. Anyways, she was my age and one of my friends I had made over the past two years since Judy's death.

Carys wasn't looking at me. She was pulling levers and pushing buttons on the broken machine, desperately trying to fix it. Then, her fist slammed into the metal side of it. There was a moment of silence as she mouthed a swear word and rubbed her hand, wrinkling her face into one of pain and laughter. The machine made a loud gurgling noise before it quieted to its regular hum. "Ah," she let out in pain, still smiling a little. She wiggled it around, stretching her fingers one by one to make sure they still worked. "I'ma gonna go get some ice." She walked into the kitchen.

"Ok," I chuckled. But while I was laughing, the world slowed down. I saw Judy the full grown dog jump onto a young woman's lap. She was wearing an appalling neon orange dress and sitting across from a boy who was in his smart phone. They were in the booth-our booth.

The lady greeted Judy with open arms. Her mouth opened as she pet her and laughed. The boy looked up from his galaxy s5 and cracked up. I heard a clatter of dishes as Judy snatched up what was left of the boy's corndog from the table. I could almost predict it, Carys walked up to them with an ice pack strapped to her hand with Duck Tape her hand and picked up Judy, apologizing for the mess and setting the defiant dog on the floor. She asked for the woman's order and strutted away with her high heels clicking across the floor, Judy close by her side. Suddenly, the world sped up again.

"Patrick!" A voice was faint in my head. "Patrick!" Jonathan was shouting at me from the kitchen. "Go bus that table!" He pointed to a table next to the booth.

"R-right," I stammered, grabbing a rag and some cleaner from the shelf next to me. While I scrubbed the table, I snuck a glance at the customers in the booth. The woman wasn't a lean lady in a orange dress at all. She wore a yellow T-shirt and jeans and she was anything but skinny. The boy was scrolling through a text strand on his iPhone. The plate in front of him was a regular hot dog and he was young enough to be the woman's son-maybe fourteen years old. I was hallucinating. I guess it was just the day. I was remembering her.

Thud! I knocked the soap bottle off the table. The woman reached her arm out and snatched it off the floor. She held it up to me and I took it with shaking hands. A well worn ring wrapped around her old arthritic finger.

I had to get out of here. I left the bottle on the table and pushed through the glass doors. I ran down the street, tears gleaming down my face.

I ran past the fountain. The fountain that Judy and I had sat at and ate ice cream from the diner. It was the fountain I used to jump in when I was little. The brick area around it was coated in moss and vines. The fountain still ran, but nobody sat in its once full chairs.

I ran past the hospital. The hospital my cousin died it. I remembered the beeping of the sirens and the hum of the machines she was attached to. I shivered at the memory.

I ran past the ice rink. Judy and I had spent hours there, stumbling instead of skating. I had gotten so many bloody noses from the cold air, and I remember her saying "for every bloody nose you have, I'll buy you another root beer."

The memories replayed in my head in a dream sort of way. They stung worse than tripping out of a fountain and banging your knee on the brick. They cried more than a faithful goodbye. They scraped against my skin worse than an ice skate rolling across a hand.

But, for every bleeding knee, for every goodbye, for every cut on a hand-Judy was my friend. She loved me. She was my cousin.

I kept running. Boy, I must have been a site to the passerby. I was man dressed head to toe in baby blue and tears were glistening down my cheeks. I stopped, out of breath. I stopped at the corner between 1st street and Charlotte Avenue. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I told myself.

I closed my eyes. It was dark with a thin layer of blood-red. I saw Judy walk out of the crimson fog behind my eyes. It was some sort of vision, or a trance I was in. She waved and smiled. But something was wrong. Flinging open my eyelids, I saw the world differently. Every person was decked out in bright orange and wore black aviator sunglasses. They all had black hair. The sidewalks were packed. A yellow Volkswagen flew through the busy traffic on the street and crashed into the corner of the building across the street. The people dove out of the way and the air was filled with screaming and honking horns as men and women ran across the streets to the nearest pay phones. Where the car had smashed into the wall, color started rippling from it. It grew in waves, like a tide. The first layer was blue. It coated the bricks within a five foot radius of the crash. Then, it turned orange and spread further. It continued like this, changing and spreading. Men ran to the wreck and tried desperately to pull the woman with a leopard print purse out of her car. She was wailing in pain. I couldn't look.

I blinked. The screams stopped. Everyone wore different colors, the same colors they had been wearing before I closed my eyes the first time. A rusty yellow bug rolled by with its blinker on. The car turned, slipped out of my eye site.

I need to get home. I said. Home happened to be right behind me, actually. I forgot to tell you, I had moved into an apartment with one of my best friends, Jacob. Jacob wasn't exactly like me. You see, I wore sweatpants or pajamas pretty much everywhere. Sure, I had a tattoo, but it was only a cop of joe on my left shoulder blade. I was in great shape, and when I walked out of the gym on 5th street, I could hear the kids whisper under their breaths, "he's ripped!" I ate generally healthier than before. I didn't have a girlfriend. Every morning when I woke up, I cuddled my dog, cradled a mug of coffee, and read books. Jacob on the other hand, wore black stained or white bleached torn jeans. His body was covered in ink. His whole torso had a couple of roses, oh and plenty women on it. His ears were pierced with jewels. He was all skin and bones, and it seemed like I could easily snap him in half. All Jacob ate were chicken wings or seafood, and he claimed to occasionally workout. He had at least two girls who came over for a movie every once and awhile. To cap it off, every night he went to a party.

Anyways, I stumbled into the lobby. Running to the elevator, I pushed the fourth floor button and waited as a woman rolled a stroller in next to me. I was still crying and I sank to the floor of the elevator, sitting in the corner. The mother just stared at me. It was like she was saying, "Really?" I bowed my head and kept sobbing. The elevator dinged and she got out skittishly. I heard a crash as she ran into a man in a suit with scalding coffee. He jumped and spilled it all over the stroller and I heard a baby wail in pain. The lady smacked him in the face before checking on her child. Rubbing his clean shaven jaw line, he slipped between the two closing doors. He looked down at me, disgust on his face. The elevator started to rise again. He hit his button. It stopped at the fourth floor.

I got off and walked down the hall. 403, 404, I read the apartment numbers in my head. 405. Home. I walked into my apartment, sighed, and threw myself down onto the musty couch. My anxiety was gone, but I still missed her. Life is hard without Judy, but I have to bear through it. I thought. I need to collect myself, control my anxiety more.

My phone rang. I squirmed and reached down to wriggle it from my pocket. Jonathan. I remembered that I had recently improved my Samsung Galaxy s8 with new contacts: Carys, Jacob, Jonathan, etc.... "Hi," I moaned, tired.

"Hey, you okay?" He was calm, worried.

"I don't know." I honestly didn't. I mean, I wasn't good, and I guess I was pretty bad. "I-I miss her. Sorry, I should have stayed at work but-"

"It's okay!" he cut in quickly. "It's okay." He paused, breathing. I heard the clatter of dishes in the diner. "I have Judy."

Judy? Judy the dog! Oh, crap! I left her at the diner!

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I leaped up. "I'll be right over!"

"Patti! Patti, stop. Sit back down. I'll bring her-"

"But you have work!"

"No no. Robert is giving us both the rest of the day off," he said. Robert was our boss. He founded, owned, and managed Robert's Diner. He was a greasy redheaded forty year old bachelor who did nothing but make fried food and ice cream.

"Oh." I sat down. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The cheap plastic clock clicked on the wall. I struggled to keep my eyes open. Darkness enveloped my peripherals as my blue eyes closed.

***

Crack! It was the door knocker. "Come in!" I moaned sleepily. I had left the door unlocked which allowed Jonathan to walk through the door. Judy jumped around the small living room. She ran up and licked the dried salt from my face. "Thanks," I said to Jonathan, smiling for the first time in awhile. He was sitting on the counter, legs dangling down. "There's ice cream in the fridge if you want it." I pointed past him to the fridge.

"I'm sick of ice cream!" We burst out laughing. Judy danced around on the floor between us, slobber flying everywhere.

I sighed. This was good for my grieving-good for both of us. Life was hard, but it was always bearable.

***

It was my cousin's birthday. I tossed a baseball to my six year old son. Fifteen years had passed like a bright yellow car flying down the street. After dating and marrying, I had settled down in a small house outside of the city.

"Nice!" I yelled as Caleb caught the leather ball. From under the bill of his cap, he smiled that familiar grin-the grin he had picked up from hanging out with "Uncle Jonathan" too much. It told me he was about to do something... something playful.

He kicked his toes in the hot mulch that lay below our bare feet. The wood chips flew up and showered on me. I laughed heartily, remembering my fights with Jonathan.

"Patti! Your book is finally here!" The screen door opened. My youngest daughter, Hannah, and my wife, Carys, came out on the back porch holding an orange Amazon package. Caleb and I ran to the steps and Carys tossed me the package. I struggled to open it with shaking hands. I had put eighteen years into the story of this book and it was in my hands now. I pulled out the glossy paperback. It reflected the sun's light. On its cover sat a neon orange dress bearing the inscription ORANGE. It was my book. Then I heard the door creak again. Looking through the sun's rays, I could barely make out the figure of my oldest child, Judy. She was wearing a bright orange dress.