Prologue
Mother Russia’s Ice Tiger
If you had told me three years ago that I’d would have won a gold medal in the Grand Prix, with a skate choreographed by that shit head Viktor Nikiforov, winning against that little piggy, Yuuri Katsuki, and falling in love with my first ever best friend, WHOSE A FUCKING GUY, Otabek Altin. . . I would’ve cut you with my knife shoes, laughing maniacally as you screamed in pain. . . but here I am, winner of the Grand Prix, with Katsuki second and beside me, smiling proudly, Beka smiling over at me with his thumbs up, Viktor clapping and screaming that he’s proud of his fiancé and his son(WHICH I AM NOT!) and for once, I don’t feel angry, I don’t want to hit or throw anything, for once I feel truly. . . happy. . . I’m happy, I’m proud of what I’ve managed to achieve, for being able to finally show that I’m more than a kid with anger issues and that I can do anything, that I’m not just some liability. . .
A liability. . . That’s what she called me, a worthless liability. . . My supposed mother, she never cared, and she couldn’t have given a damn about me, when I was younger to me now. And that sperm donor that she called my father, I couldn’t give two shits about him nor who he was. He left us both, he didn’t care, the minute he found out she was pregnant with me, and he was out of the door faster than you could say “Pirozhki”. Ha, who could ever give a damn about someone like him?!
That’s when everything went downhill. . . Mama decided drugs and alcohol were the way to go. . . They were more important than me, more important than food or the house, and far more important than her job. The day I was taken away from her, I screamed for my mother, crying out her name, clinging onto her thin, sickly arms, begging for her to keep me. I’ll never forget that day. . . The anger in her eyes, the hatred burning towards me, igniting me from the inside out as she screamed back, screaming abuse at me, putting all the blame on me. . . I suppose she was right, if I hadn’t been produced, HE would’ve stayed, SHE would’ve been able to further her career, THEY’D be happy together. . . And Grandpa wouldn’t have been burdened with me, a stupid five year old, clinging to a ratty old cat plushie, given to me by one of Mamas junkie friends in pity after I got slapped again, after asking her where my daddy was for the supposed hundredth time, she hated me for driving him away, maybe she was right. . . It was my fault he left, neither of them wanted a kid, especially not a weak, worthless one like me. . .
No one wanted me, why would they? I was nothing, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many medals I win, I wasn’t ever going to be good enough. She was rig-
“Yurio! I’m so proud of you, you truly did deserve the gold. And I’m grateful that you did, as much as I wanted to retire to give Viktor his chance to go back, I felt as if we were going too fast and I didn’t want to give up what I loved doing, even if I’m a terrible skater. Thank you.” Yuuri smiled down at me and pulled me into a tight hug, holding me close to him as he laughed softly. Tears started to fall from my eyes and onto his chest, I’ve never experienced motherly love before but now, from Yuuri, it’s all I could feel.
“Sh-sh-shut up, p-p-pig! I d-d-didn’t do it f-f-for you o-o-okay?! I h-h-had to w-w-win, I d-d-deserved to!” it was hard to get my words out whilst sobbing against him, he didn’t say a word though, just tightened his hold around me, I have never felt so loved or protected in my life, not from Yakov, or Lila, not from Otabek, my best friend turned crush, not even from my beloved Grandpa.
“You know, Viktor had mentioned adopting you, he wanted us to become a proper family, and as much as I would love that, I told him that it isn’t up to us to decide, it’s your decision. But even if you say no, you’ll always have a place with us, no matter what happens, we’ll always accept you with open arms. You’re like a son to us and we both love you very much, even when you have those god awful temper tantrums of yours, ha ha.” I couldn’t help but let a strangled laugh as he laughed.
I felt him shift as he looked up at the extra idiot he calls a fiancé. I couldn’t help but wonder if he really meant it, adoption. . . Living as a family. . . It sounded like a cruel nightmare and they were just joking, that they didn’t really want me. . .
“Do you really mean it…? About adopting me…?” I asked timidly, too scared to even look up at him, just in case it was a cruel joke,
“Of course, we’d love to adopt you. You’re like our son already, we just wanted you to have a say in all of it too, Viktors excited about it, he started making a room for you in his apartment and started to teach Makkachin to be nice to cats, though I doubt he’s going to succeed, the man himself isn’t overly fond of them either. What do you say, be our small, angry Russian son?” He chuckled and pulled away slightly, a soft smile decorating his face, ruining his Eros image he made on the ice. I nodded slowly, letting more tears fall down my face.
I had a family now. . . A real fami-WAIT WHAT DID HE SAY?!
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE ISN’T FOND OF CATS?! HEY, OLD MAN! WHAT’S WRONG WITH CATS?!” I yelled over at the idiot, his stupid heart shaped smile widening as he waved over at us, laughing stupidly at my comment. Did this bastard think I wasn’t serious? I can’t have someone who dislikes cats in my life, fuck that! I’m just glad Beka likes them, and tigers, because I would seriously kick his ass if he didn’t.
I looked over my best friend, my Beka, with his weird ass bear that he named Kitten after me. I admit, it was soft and cuddly and damn did it smell good, it smelt like him and that was my favourite scent in the world, my own piece of catnip. So whenever we were hanging out after practice, I’d fall asleep against him, clinging to that stupid bear that I claimed as mine after having a little wrestling match, that he always let me win after I pouted at him, and I’d end up waking up to myself curled up against his chest with his hoodie on me, which he somehow managed to slip over me and keep the bear out of it, his fingers tangled in my messy blonde hair and his eyes closed, dead to the world and yet cradling me close to him, almost as if he was protecting me from the outside world, from my past and the darkness that still lingers around me. I loved those nights, Grandpa wouldn’t mind me staying with him, Beka usually sent him a message to tell him that I fell asleep again and that he would bring me back, dressed in clean clothes, fed and happy, with the amount of times it happened, I now have clothes in his suitcase, though I usually stole something of his, one of his hoodies, a scarf, a tee, just something that was his (He’d always give me this look then would chuckle at me, shaking his head before making sure that the helmet was tight and sturdy on my head). Lila would’ve told Yakov that I was allowed to spend the night with my best friend because I’ve been training hard enough to get a little break and it’s good for my body to relax in comfort, seeing as I usually had nightmares when we stayed in hotel rooms and I was away from my personal drug that was the only thing that could comfort me.
It’s weird how easy it was to get used to Beka, it took me years to get used to Yakov, I’m still not used to that old hag, Mila, no matter what she tries. I’m still trying with Lila, even if she’s nicer than Yakov and helps me keep my flexibility. I will never get used to Viktors extra, stupid ass, and Katsudon. . . He’s just there, whenever I need him or need someone to yell at, he always takes it and helps me. But Beka, when he told me about how we met years ago, and what he thought the moment he saw me. . . Fuck, I melted, he’s everything to me, my best friend, my crush. . . He’s always there to cheer me up when I need it, with his totally awesome bike, he’s always there to save me from crazy fangirls and I don’t know what I’d do without him there to make me laugh, he makes me feel more. . . Human, he’s my Agape. . . My Agape, fuuuuuccccckkkkkkk, why does he have to be so cool, and sweet and fucking hell, he’s so fucking hot. . . But most of all, why did he choose me? Why did he want to be friends with me?
No one’s ever wanted to be friends with me before, everyone’s always thought of me as the angry, spoilt, Russian child who hates the world and everyone in it, I may look delicate but my personality ‘clashes with my innocent look, especially when I skate’ but he didn’t say that, he said that I was rude, arrogant, angry, resentful, crazy, foul-mouthed but that’s what made me so unique, especially when I skate because it showed how human I really was, I was real not some fake like some people * cough JJ cough * and I was able to show everyone that you should never judge a book by its cover. . . He was good with words like that, he melted my icy heart and settled into a special place in it, and I’m terrified he might leave once he finds out about my past. . . He might think I’m a liability, that I’m worthless, just like Mama said, that’s why I keep everyone at arm’s length, because of how terrified I am that they’ll leave once they see, that they’ll lie like she did and will throw me away like I’m nothing.
I may act like I’m this scary, angry, Ice Tiger of Mother Russia but really, I’m this scared, broken, lost, little kitten, desperately trying to survive in the big bad world of sharks, that’s all. But with my Beka, with the idiot Viktor, and the piggy, Katsudon, I think that maybe I can become a real Ice Tiger of Mother Russia and do them proud, I have to make everyone proud, so then they won’t abandon me, I can’t have anyone else abandon me, it’d destroy me. . .
