Good story, several thoughts..

"I enjoyed reading your story very much! Your writing style is a comfortable and easy to read, very descriptive, and full of metaphors and comparisons. While reading, I noticed that your story has several grammatical errors, mostly verb tenses, but grammar is an ongoing learning process for many of us. The plot of this story follows that of the original series very closely, so the feedback I have is to consider how events may have changed or stayed the same due to Harry being in Slytherin. Would he have approached everything the same way as he did in Gryffindor in the original series, or would his thought processes and actions change due to a different group of people (Slytherins)? Just some thoughts on the plot. If you plan to write more in the future, it would be cool to see how Harry's life changes being in Slytherin instead of Gryffindor! If not, this was a fun read to see your perspective on Slytherin!Harry."