Chapter 1: Dawn
Axel, Home, Marian City.
“I wake up and I see the love of my live sleeping next to me. I feel so grateful and blessed. My boyfriend is next to me, I have everything I need.
My name is Axel. What you read above was a pile of bullshit. I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m single as fuck. I don’t want to be single. I want a Boyfriend!
Love is such a complex feeling. It pushes us to do the unthinkable. We can go insane, we can kill, we can change, we can die, we can do anything for love.
This year will be my 22nd year on this earth and I’m still single. Rent is due in a month!!! Fuck.. I don’t know how I’ll pay for it.
I can go back to living with my dad, but his abusive, homophobic and I detest him. He wires money to me every month and I keep contact with him to a bare minimum. I don’t want to communicate with him.
You must be thinking why I moved out, most 21-year-olds are still living with their parents, they don’t have to worry about rent.
I moved out because I needed the freedom. I wanted to bring whoever home and not have to worry and justify every decision. I moved to the other side, far from my dad and where everybody is more or less accepting and open. The vibe is unique here. Everyone is free to express themselves however they like, no judgement or condemnation.
The consequences? Cost of rental and the cost of everything. Things aren’t cheap here but I’m surviving and I don’t think I’m going to ever to move back.
I’ve only talked about my dad.. You might be thinking, where is my mom? She is in another country, I will not be talk about that. She is an amazing, independent and strong lady and I respect her a lot.
Back to what I was saying, what you read at the start is what I yearn to have. But I don’t have. What I have is a place to stay, It’s comfortable for now.
I want a lot of things but what I want the most is a boyfriend.
It affects my mood, and it’s really annoying. But I know I’m really privileged.
I have money, I have a place to stay, food to eat, I can speak my mind freely and I don’t have to worry about my safety. I have the necessities to survive. I shouldn’t be complaining about things that some people don’t even have. All the things that I desire are ‘wants’ and not "needs”. It is important to be grateful!
Sometimes I feel people here are in their own bubble and trapped. They don’t know what’s going on out there. I don’t blame them since the government has put no attention about it in the media. Nobody talks about it. The only way you’ll find out is social media. But if mainstream media don’t report and give coverage on these issues, how will we ever know.
I hate people that feel they deserve everything. We are all the same. Why do you expect to be treated differently? We are all human and are all replaceable. Don’t treat your job so seriously, don’t take life too seriously. Remember to take a break and breathe. Do something that leaves a good impact. (Volunteering, treating everyone equally and kindly). etc I
Isn’t that better than getting angry and frustrated at people?
Also I wonder sometimes why am I on this planet. What’s my purpose? Why am I here in the first place? Am I wasting my time? I’m sure I’m not the only person who thinks this way. I’m a little worried. I want to contribute something to humanity, I am part of it, I should do something!”
I felt a lot better now that I wrote it all down; I closed my diary and placed it aside. From today, I started to write in my diary and I hope it helps me.
I picked my phone up and used Instagram.
“Download now, the number one dating app,”
An advertisement appeared on my Instagram app. I heard of it before; it overtook tinder and everybody’s using it. I’m desperate so I downloaded it.
Name: Axel, Age: 21, Gender: Male, Height: 177, Weight: 65kg, Sexuality: Gay, Location: Marian.
I uploaded four photos of myself, flattering (of course) and hit done. I’m on HOP, the countries no.1 dating app.
You might wonder why didn’t I download it earlier, why didn’t I do it when I turned 18, why did I wait till I was 21.
Well, I had to come to terms with myself and figure it out. I only figured that I was interested in being in a committed relationship with a man was 2 months ago. There are no rules. You define your sexuality, don’t let others define your sexuality. I will talk more about it, soon.
“Fuck it’s 4am” I said to myself, I placed my phone aside and went to bed.
The next morning, I woke up to a few notifications from HOP.
I got a few matches.
One of them texted me.
- (him)
* (me)
- Hi how are you?
* hello!! I’m doing well!
* how about you?
- I’m doing well too!
- Good morning!!
- I just want to say you’re really cute!!
I smiled and felt thrilled.
* Aww.. thank you!!
* You’re really cute too!!
- no I’m not cute at all!
* heheh
- any plans for today?
* I have to go to work today :(
- do you want to meet up?
I paused. Lots of thoughts went through my mind and I didn’t know what to do.
Do I meet up with him or make up some shit excuse.
* sure!
- yay! Wasn’t sure if you would reply
* lets text on telegram instead!
- all right here’s my Id @j0rd0n
And it started from there. The first guy I’m meeting for a date in a long awhile!!
