hesitance
hesitance.
it is a noun.
it means slow to act or proceed (as from fear, indecision, or unwillingness).
this is the Merriam-Webster definition.
my definition, however, is a bit different.
to me, it is a regret fed by insecurity and anxiety.
how, so?
imagine yourself wanting to do things, to help out.
but the thoughts say otherwise.
"what if they don't need my help?"
"what if they don't like me?"
"what if I'll be a nuisance?"
"what if I won't be of help?"
and the questions go on
as other people help out,
doing the exact things you wanted to do.
you hesitate for so long that you end up being every 'what if' you thought of.
then the regret comes in.
"why didnt I move?"
"why didn't I help?"
"why wasn't I there for them?"
"why did I have to hesitate?"
