I
It's harder now.
Breathing that is.
Without you it's harder. Like you took one of my lungs with you when you left. I don't know what to do. I just kinda lie here all day staring at the ceiling hoping it gives me answers.
It was my mistake that made you go. Well, there was more than one mistake. That doesn't matter now.
Taking a deep breath I feel a little of the ache resting in between my ribs lessen. Its like all my darkness has gathered in one spot inside me and started to fester. All my anxiety and doubts in one spot.
When I close my eyes I see you. Your face etched behind my eye lids from dreaming about you so often. I didn't think this would be so hard. As seconds peel away into minutes I struggle to stop each tear that falls. To anyone who walked in I look like I could be sleeping we both know that's not true. That I can't sleep without saying goodnight to you.
Fingers hovering over those buttons I start to type stopping half way before deleting it again. I can't message you. I don't get to message you. I was in the wrong.
I can't stop the thoughts they just keep coming through my brain like an old movie playing an a loop. The images flickering and somewhat distorted, you laugh echoing in my head, the way my face hurt after one of our conversations from smiling.
I don't know what to do but to think of you. A thousand apologies threaten to spill off my lips. Each one probably more pathetic than the last. Each one begging for you to come back to me.
Cursing myself for my stupidity.
Screaming at myself for hurting you.
But for now I lie still, my internal battle tearing me apart leaving me hollow without you.
