Great Fantasy (no Fans required)

"Though I'm not a fan of Fire Emblem (actually, I was only dimly aware of it before reading this story), I think the best stories don't use previous knowledge of a show/game/film as a crutch. Without knowing about the game and its world, this story still does what it needs to do: tells an exciting, expansive story that seems like good old epic fantasy. The characters are interesting and the plot, though intricate, is nothing any fantasy lover wouldn't willingly get lost in. The language is a good mix of slightly archaic phrases in a generally modern idiom, which makes us feel like we're reading subtitles: we see the actual world, but we hear out own (much better than trying to make the characters sound quasi-medieval). In short, this is good writing and a very promising debut on Inkitt. My only criticisms would be a sense that the story meanders a bit in the first few chapters. Though you want to set up the world and its plot twists, the pace gets very slow at times, and I think a good edit could change this. Just ask yourself, how much of this do we really need to know to sink into the story and get the machinery of the plot moving? Also, punctuation is often an issue: you need more commas where speech requires them, since dialogue without the right inflection lies dead on the page. Also, when formatting dialogue, use books--rather than other fan-fiction--as your models. Otherwise, it can take the reader out of the story. For ex: "What time did you say we were leaving?" asked Sarah. "Well, I suppose that depends on when you want to get there," Sam replied. Use commas after dialogue, since the dialogue is part of the sentence, not its own sentence. It reads better this way and integrates the dialogue into the story proper. These little quibbles aside, a very enjoyable work of epic fantasy, regardless of whether the reader is a fan of Fire Emblem or not."