Chapter 1
02/05/2016
Dear diary,
Here we go.
So, i’m thinking...Instagram influencer and YouTube vlogger, what do you think?
It’s perfect for me! No long hours, no managers...but lots of money. What’s not to like?
I’m only £45 away from being able to buy the new Canon camera, which I saw in the Argos catalogue months ago. I always wait for the new Argos catalogue to come out. Mum usually brings it home for me, as I like to circle all the things I want with a permenant marker. They do everything in there! It’s taken a while to collect the money but I probably shouldn’t say how I do it. That can stay between mum and I.
I’m not working because I’m only 15 years old, but I can start applying in a year. Yet, there’s something about those 9-5 jobs that make me wonder why we were put on this earth. We are basically born in to the world to be bossed about and controlled at school until we are 18 and then bossed about and controlled until we die at work. It’s like how when we are young, our parents teach us how to walk and speak. But then spend the rest of our childhood telling us to sit down and be quiet. I saw that on a picture somewhere, I forwarded it to mum on FB...she just ignored it and didn’t reply.
On a higher note, I know I will one day be known walking down the streets. Fans will come over for autographs and pictures. I will be so many girls role models, and I can give my fans a group name, like “My sunflowers”. That’s my favourite flower. I will be hanging on the social influencer wall beside Meghan Rienks, Adelaine Morin and maybe even Jeffree Star...if I’m lucky.
I will walk with loads of confidence and live the luxury life. I’ll be one of those celebrities that buy sport cars even though they can’t drive and go on spontaneous holidays to the Bahamas and Mexico. I would start dressing like a million dollars, and hiring makeup artists so I never have to do it again.
Not only would fame help me but it would massively help mum too. I really do feel sorry for her. Mum and I have an amazing bond, I guess it’s been easier for us to stick together since my dad walked out years ago. I was too young to remember. I can’t tell you much more than that, i’m just as confused. She never talks about it. But I don’t mind, she’ll know when the time is right. At the moment she is focused on her job at the restaurant, we are tight for money but she works so hard for what we have.
Speaking of my mother, she’s just got home and I’ve cooked up dinner.
03/05/2016
Dear diary,
I thought about this all night, because I wondered if anyone would find my diary and get me or my mum in trouble. But it is a part of my life and it’s been a part of my mums for 25 years. I’m currently collecting my pocket money by selling pot in school. It doesn’t feel right writing this. I don’t smoke it, but mum does and she said that I can try when I turn 16.
I managed to sell 2 grams today before school. That’s £20 worth. Mum said I’m only allowed to do this before and after school outside my house, otherwise it’s way too risky. I always give half of my earnings to mum too.
Just £35 to go.
Our art class teacher, Mrs Lovecraft, set an end of school assignment as it’s nearly the end of Secondary school. Mrs wants an artwork piece on ‘the meaning of happiness’. I love Lovecrafts lessons, they are always so inspiring, it’s like I can escape with her words and all my thoughts can transfer on to paper effortlessly.
Lily came round after school today, she’s my best friend, she’s shy around everyone but her closest of friends. Which is really just me. We became friends in Primary School as we were both the creative kids in the class, the ones creating songs and writing scripts for movies. Lilys dream has always been to become famous on YouTube too, but she never seemed to try and make it happen. Her money usually gets spent on new makeup and clothes. I do wonder if she’s slightly jealous of me trying to catch the same dreams as her. I hope not because Lily and I are attached at the hip, we have always stuck together and will be there until the end. One day we will be sitting in the armchairs of a care home talking nonsense to all the staff and pulling pranks together. We will be some badass nans.
I walked downstairs, once Lily had gone home, to see mum sitting in the garden staring off in to the darkness smoking her bedtime joint. I joined her with two cups of tea and I just thought about how lucky I am to have Tammy as my mum, she’s unique. I never told you how she loves walking around barefoot, everywhere. I can tell you now that if the restaurant allowed it, mum would do it. I’ve never understood why. She’s very creative too, I used to catch her drawing in bed when she was ill to pass time, they were amazing. Yet, she never did anything with that talent. I don’t know why so many people have dreams but don’t bother to catch them? I wish I knew, it’s upsetting really.
04/05/2016
Dear diary,
I ended up drifting off last night, I was feeling rather ‘high’.
A new boy joined our school today. His name is Bodhi and he’s a mysterious boy. He didn’t speak much but he always had a warmth to him. Something that made him seem at peace and easily approachable. But he kept himself to himself. I felt so sorry for him in art class because the class bully’s were taking his materials and knocking his elbow to ruin his art. I wanted to say something but Mrs Lovecraft jumped in and sent the girls out. Sending pupils out of class doesn’t actually help, who wouldn’t want to be sent out of class to rampage the school, and do absolutely nothing? But it felt good knowing that they had left. It was strange to watch actually, Bodhi stayed weirdly calm through all of it and was smiling, but with just one side of his mouth.
How does he stay so content, and why? Maybe, it’s like one of those Facebook videos where the quiet one in class turns out to be a ninja at fighting and gets back at their bully’s. That would be cool. I wish for that to happen.
There are a few girls in to school that you should be careful of, they can be quite threatening. All girls, of course.
Mums home now though and I’ve made our favourite dish, homemade toad in the hole with lots of gravy and cheesy mash.
06/05/2016
Dear diary,
I MADE IT! I have saved up for my camera and it ended up being all I could think about through school. I can not remember anything spoken about in class. It’s like the days just a blur.
But, who cares because now fame is even closer. Mrs Lovecraft did pull me over after class though, to ask why I seemed so distracted but my response was that I was up late the night before planning my project. I feel bad for lying, but I felt quite hopeless considering the last thing I remembered was walking in to class an hour before.
As soon as I got home, I whipped off my uniform and slid into a thin white blouse, accessorised with a gold necklace and studs. I set up my camera and hit record. My first video felt so weird and unnatural, it’s just me talking about myself to a lens. Very strange. Imagine making loads of money for doing this as your full time job. I spent the rest of my night reshooting certain clips and transferred it to my USB for editing. This feels amazing.
09/05/2016
Dear diary,
I got into school earlier than usual, to grab a computer in IT and upload my video. Usually coming in to school early would only be done for a school trip. But this was even better than a school trip. It’s great being able to use the school computers because they have all the latest editing software for Media class, and I don’t even own a laptop at home. After editing the video, I text to Lily to come take a look. I know my first video wasn’t the best and I was nervous about uploading it. Lily told me I was stupid for thinking that as I needed to start somewhere.
Lily is right, so I uploaded it.
