The Nerd Diaries: Harold

Dear Diary,

I lost my virginity a couple of minutes ago.

Let me tell you what happened. Like seriously, you just have to know. I can’t exactly tell Sheldon because... because his mother records his phone calls.

Yeah, you remember me telling you about that tidbit right? Of course. Imagine that recording being handed over to my mother, they’re both on the church committee. I’d be shunned, and probably forced to soak in holy water for weeks.

Anyways, it was single-handedly the best moment of my life since those cheddar balls, and gargoyles and maidens were created. It was that amazing.

Okay. So, I’m showering in the gym locker room. Yes, once again I stayed after school to make up my P.E credit. After all, today is Friday, which meant dodgeball day. Sheldon and I would have been pulverized by those jocks.

He feigned sickness, which as usual, because the lucky bastard can faint at will, worked out perfectly. I was forced to take more juvenile measures... I hid in my locker until everyone left. But since Yale won’t exactly accept anything but top grades, I was forced to go back and make up the day.

So again, I’m showering after gym. I’m a little tired, ya know since I had to run a mile. Nerds and physical activity, that’s a no-no. Alright, I’ve trailed again.

I’m showering after gym. Everything’s going as usual, I’m alone, it’s steamy, I can’t see a thing... And everything’s warm—The inevitable which always gives me an erection. Then, out of the blue, she comes storming in.

My mind could only process a few things at that moment as she stood naked in the entrance to the men’s shower room. One, I’m naked. Two, I have an erection. Three, Jean flippin Woods is staring at my dick as naked as I am... and her breasts are amazing.

That wasn’t even the good part though. No, it was when she jumped me, like literally jumped.

At first, I’d been horribly embarrassed because well... to my mortification, my mother was the only person to ever see me naked. But, when Jean started walking towards me like she was going to kick my ass, which she was literally grumbling about kicking my ass, I was genuinely scared.

A little. She did scare away my sense of rationality once she launched herself at me and rode my dick like an angel—That’s a bad analogy, she was more like a sexy as sin, raging harlot.

Her ‘pussy’ as she called it, was heaven. Definitely a stark difference from my hands. And her mouth... holy.

Yeah, I forgot to mention that she came first and didn’t want me to cum inside her, so she sucked my dick and... She swallowed. Which I thought was ironic...

Anyways diary, I think I’m in love. Maybe going to hell, too. There’s no way I can resist the temptation that is Jean Woods—should she decide to jump on my dick again.

I’m not sure how I am going to face her at school tomorrow. Hopefully, the student I’m tutoring steals me away so that I don’t have to T.A for her class. I’ll literally take one look at her and get hard.

To make matters worse, her teacher, stupid Mr. X has made it a habit to fall asleep, leaving me to teach the lessons. Which means, all eyes on me for an entire hour.

Really though, if I see her tomorrow, I’ll pop an erection the size of the leaning tower of Pisa.

Painfully serious,

Harold.