Epilogue
2 years ago
“I’m done Holland, I’ve changed my mind.” Had he really just said that? Right here standing in front of me with our 9 day old little girl in my arms. Now is the time he chooses to take me up on the offer I gave him 8 MONTHS AGO?! James was a good man. Believe it or not at one point in life I really felt we would make it in the long hall.
I met James at a high school party, I, freshly 16 and he a wild kid. We quickly became best friends.
You see my parents had a very non traditional route to my life. I was to reach legal age and quickly marry a man named Joseph that lived down the road. My older siblings didn’t seem to mind the way of life we had. I however did. Any chance I got I was sneaking out of the house, running about 2 acres over to where my friends would pick me up and we would head to whatever party we could come across that weekend. One night I stumbled down a stair or two, a bit tipsy at a house party, low and behold falling right on some teenage boys lap. After helping me up we took a walk in the fresh air to sober up, then we ended up spending all night laying in the field a mile from my house telling each other about the crazy fucked up lives we had. By the end of the night James made his move and that was the start of our crazy life together.
James and I did everything together. Our nights slowly changed from staring at the stars and laughing, to ending each night tangled with each other feeling the warm breath the other was so generous to give. Eventually at 18 my parents kicked me out of the house for choosing college over the family business and I was told to never contact them again. In the end I was content with that. Soon I left for college with only a few things I knew I couldn’t live without, some clothes, my laptop, a decent amount cash I’d saved over the years,and most importantly my best friend. JAMES.
Now don’t get this twisted, I’ve always known I wasn’t IN LOVE with James. We had actually talked about it together on multiple occasions. We loved each other dearly just not in that type of way. We were an outlet for each other, someone to help each other cope from our fucked up childhood. In college James met Hannah and very quickly fell in love. I had also invisioned finding myself a man to love. It wasn’t until I found out I was 12 weeks pregnant, that our current plans were thrown out the window. We decided that we would place all other options aside and actually try to be a family for our child.
It obviously came as a shock to both of us. This was definitely not our plan. I gave him the out to leave us. James was sure we would make a good family. After all we had already been each other’s only family for years. I guess in the end, I could agree to that.
I remember sitting down and saying, “At any given time if you feel like this isn’t something you want just tell me you changed your mind. I will manage, and I’ll be okay as long as you are.” To which James replied with, “Never.” In the end I thought it was settled, that door was as closed. We were going to make it as a family, but here we are 8 months later with a newborn and he was choosing now as his time to leave. WHAT AN ASS. Later that night I sat and watched as James packed a few things and left.
After two months of waiting for him to come back, I got tired. Eventually I packed baby Josie up and we moved about 3 hours away to start a new life for ourselves. One without James. I enrolled myself back in college, got Josie into a decent daycare, and was offered a good job with even better hours. After a few days of looking I found a cute 2 bedroom apartment. That was it. We were going to do life on our own. I knew it would be hard, but looking at my sweet girl sitting in her car seat in the middle my empty livingroom. I also knew it would be worth it.
