Someone's life

I am from a Chinese family raise in a Latin American country, my parents were emigrants so you can imagine the difference in culture and ethics. Racing a family in such difficult circumstances and in such young age. I am going to resume my life and my thought about what is relevant.

I don’t remember much a about my childhood like everyone else, we just remember what really made an impact. I remember the stupid and funny things I did with my sister such as: creating stories with a camping environment in our room with blankets and a broom stink, playing a really fun game that we might have called it human taco, which was rolling our self in blankets like a taco and then trying to move, but we look like worms being electrify it is fun, I think everyone should try it. And all the stupid fights that we have, like a lot for every little stuff, those were good times.

I remember living in a dangerous neighborhood and at that time my parents work really hard. That’s all I remember about that time. And after that we move to a more decent place, but these meant more work for them and less time for us. That is when some stupid shit start happening like my father start drinking, and stress was around the house for my sister and I was a sad time more than all. My sister was always helping my mother with her depreciation about my father drinking and really don’t remember what I was doing I just remember once my father was drunk and try to strangulate me. I then the situation was easing off. After that my other two little brothers came from china, there were a lot of fun times, fights that lasted with a long talk from my part and more.

School and my lifestyle were one of the big impacts in my life. In the beginning of the journey I wasn’t the smart or the most dedicated at this task. I was shy in kindergarten I even cry when there were celebrating my sister birthday at the school. And in the period of first to six grade I was really famous with the teachers, because one of my first teachers was my tutor and my parents had a restaurant near the school, but that only meant that my grades and my behavior were in decent level. That’s when the social life starts happening, like having friends, I had two best friends that I really appreciate at that time and the best tutors I could ask for. In this period a could say was one of my best times of this journey, I was so innocent I really didn’t know anything I just work, studied and play with out anything in my mind, like people said one task at a time. But all change once I got into high school, I went to a private one with a lot more variety of races and classes to choose from. I think what affected me the most was the fact that I couldn’t figure out the balance between helping my parents, studying and my child mentally, because I like to play a lot. So, my grades were stable, but my social relations were out of control. I had friends, but I was more shy than ever, I didn’t wanted to eat the lunch that my parents prepare, I was scare of walking to my locker, I couldn’t speak at the classes because most of them were in English and my English was not that good, and other situations that I was not able to handle. I then helping my parents with their business affected my studies, just take a minute to think about the situation. I wake up at 5:30 A.M and I prepare myself to go to school, I was at the school at 8:00 A.M, I finish all the classes at 4:30 P.M, but most of the time I had to wait until 6:00 P.M for my parents to pick me up and we get home around 7. The time left I ate, studied, play and 2 out 5 of those days I help my parents and, on the weekends, and holidays I help my parents for more than 12 hours. That means that my free time was short. And when I had break, I could have used it to study, but like I said I had a child mentally, so I used it to play. That’s when one of the biggest fight happened with me and my father, we discuss about this situation of work and studied, because most of the time I was sad, stress and my grades were dropping, but I was really closed about my thoughts and he didn’t know how to talk in this type of situation, he made an accusation that wasn’t true and a really serious one, he said that I was thinking that he and my mother weren’t working as hard like I was, so I thought how in the world he could think that, never did that thought cross my mind. The thought of me working more than they were is saying that I was selfish and arrogant. My thoughts were why in the world I was working, studying and that wasn’t enough for them, they wanted more of me, higher grades, be more responsible. take care of my brothers, and more, while everyone in my school were having such an easy time. After all I was a child, but I was so angry and surprise, so I didn’t respond, the conversation ended there, but later that day he told me that if I didn’t want to talk to him then is up to me. So, I stop talking to him for about 4 months, after that time he was really sad and angry so he comforted me once more and told me how in the world I could ignore him all this time, after all I am your father. at that time, I wasn’t that aware of the situation, so I didn’t say much. The situation was a little better but lasted 4 to 5 years more.

Now that I think of it I will resume the story, all those years of high school I was really depressed, I will close up myself in the room for 1 to 6 months playing games, watching movies, cutting myself, not eating and doing other things to be distracted from this world. Even once in the end of this journey I try to kill myself. And no one came to help me. I had to fight this alone, and I think I was able to suppress it for a time, but I didn’t win the battle so later in time it came out at times. Maybe I just needed someone to tell me anything that would have save me from that endless misery. The way I see it now is that maybe no one at that time would have been able to help me, after all there is a reason why no one came. The cause of all this depression maybe was stressed, or the fact that I never felt worthy. What I thought at that time was why did I do everything cook, did the chores, work, got good grades and more. But never got recognition from it. A gift would have been good, but the most important part was to be present for important event such as prom, graduation or the special trips that we had at the end of high school, every parent was present except mine, I felt so left alone, so lonely, like what the hell I am doing this for. They did come to my last graduation, but maybe it was too late, because I didn’t feel the happiness the joy that I had to felt. Still I was glad that there were present for the occasion.