Easily Broken

We often dream of how we want our future to be but things do not always go as planned.

It was the Second Semester of my Sophomore year in high school when I transferred to Huntingdale. I’m the type to sit quietly and observe people before I open up. Not everyone easily accepts all personality types. Which caused me multiple problems with the females my age. They all thought I was stuck up or that I thought I was better than them.

Though, this did not hold true with the males my age. Most high school boys are over flowing with testosterone. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I never felt an urge myself but for me I was too naive for my own good. If a “popular” guy showed interest in me, it made me feel good about myself. I mean come on who wouldn’t?

The first guy I met well at this school was hood. I mean blue bandana, sold drugs, the works. I’ve never been very good at expressing myself but him on the other hand, would talk to me about everything. That in itself made me feel good. This boy trusts me enough to tell me all of these things so why was it so hard for me to open up to him. After about a week, he invited to his house when no one was there. I was not a virgin at this point so i knew what to expect. When I got there, he hurried me inside and walked me to his room. We sat on the bed and talked for a minute then he immediately grabbed my waist and started to kiss my lips. I know what this boy wants from me and I’m willing to give it to him.

The next day, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and as I walked through the school hallways, I felt like intense stares. At this point I feel like everyone knows about what happened. I try my best to ignore their stares and look for this boy of mine. Once I finally found him, I had to ask if he told anyone. He laughs, says no and walks off. I don’t want to think he would lie to me but why do I feel like I being brushed off. I tried several times to talk to him about it but I was too scared of what his reply would be. So after that we didn’t talk much. This boy who I thought cared about me, used me. That night, I laid in my bed and cried.

A few months have passed and it’s finally summer vacation. During this time, my best friend has moved into the same neighborhood as me and will be starting at the same High School as me. I couldn’t be more happier. While on summer vacation, I run into friends I made in Grade School. To be surrounded my people I know and can be myself around gives me joy. However, people change over time.

These grade school friends of mine are all siblings. There’s three brothers and two sisters. The oldest brother always seemed cute to me and even then that didn’t change. One day, the oldest sister invited me over, we were close in age so it made since for us to be friends. So we’re chilling, talk or whatever and the oldest brother walks through the door. He looks at me and smiles, I look at him and smile back. As me and sister are talking, I can’t help but think about that smiling face. She can totally tell that I’m distracted so as her brother walks through the room again, she leaves to go to the restroom. He comes over to talk to me and we reminisce on our younger days. We talked for a while until his sister comes back in the room and he leaves.

I can feel happy talking with this person. Everything seems so easy and we even have a little history together. I won’t have any issues with this person, I know he won’t make me cry. These are things I told myself. After that one conversation at his house we talked for the rest of summer and spent a lot of time together. Though we lived in the same neighborhood, we went to different High Schools but we would still find time to talk on the phone or meet up on the weekends. One weekend I hadn’t heard from him so I sent him a text. Hours went by with no response so I called , no answer. This isn’t like him so I’m a little worried at this point. I called his sister and she says he should be at home and I should go by there. So that’s what I did. As I’m knocking on the door I hear a lot of shuffling around. He cracks the door open and asks me what’s going on. I’m thinking the same thing in my head and try to make my way inside but he’s not budging. I can hear someone moving inside so at this point I’m extremely suspicious and start to question him. He’s dodging all of my questions and tells to go him, he’ll call me later. I know what all these things mean, I’m not stupid. So I pretend to oblige by what he’s saying and as soon as he let his guard down, I rushed through the door. Low and behold, there’s a girl trying to slip on her clothes. I can smell the sent of sex in the air and I’m enraged. But what do I do? What do I say? This has never happened to me before. I couldn’t do anything but cry and run home. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I go to school the next day with so much on my mind. What’s wrong with me? Why do guys treat me like this? Am I not good enough? At that moment, I told myself it doesn’t matter if I’m not good enough for them. I need to be good enough for me. A couple of months go by and it’s now Winter Break. I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on school, my future and the important people in my life.