UM... OKAY?

This is a story me and my friend wrote late at night at 05:00 so...

I wish I was a chicken. They have some good times, some bad times, but the thing the don't have are girlfriends. Well at least that's what I thought.

My name is Ben higgs and I'm lonely. I had a girlfriend names Ivanna Coe but she left me for this dude luke hayhoe because I have a weird feet.

I used to be a cool dude gangsta until I became a chick farmer. All my friends called my Big Higgs.

We where having an orbis foot massage when Ivanna pointed out the strange green lumps growing. That's the last time I saw her.

I own a chicken farm and there is this chicken, my favourite chicken, Broose. Broose is my role model because he's a player. I wish I could get the girls like Broose.

There is this girl who owns the dairy farm next door. Her name is Emma Fjarum. She is sexy as hell with her yellow hair and runny nose. She farts a lot but that's ok. Cows fart a lot too.

So today I stole her cow Jess Wilkes. Jess is a beautiful thoroughbred and Emma's favourite cow to milk. This is because her udders are very prominent.

So I took Jess back to Emma and asked if we may break bread over a glass of fresh milk. But to my surprise, when she invited me into her cosy shed, there was Ivanna sucking an onion lollipop!

Emma and Ivanna proceeded to snog right in front of my face whilst I fed Jess her funny tasting milk.

Emma and Ivanna then skipped upstairs hand in hand. I was a bit confused so later followed them. When I entered the room what they were doing was not PG, so after watching the woman of my dream Emma do the tango, I abruptly left.

I took Jess with me as I was lonely and maybe Jess would be my girlfriend. Cows don't care about green feet do they? I wondered what had happened to luke hayhoe, had he been cast aside like me and left in the dust.

Life is hopeless. Love is hopeless!

Jess came and sat on me and we played monopoly for a while but i was too sad to continue. Then along came Broose. He sat next to Jess and to my surprise, sparks began to fly. I suddenly knew what I had to do to make myself feel better! A threesome was always on my bucket list! 😘.

Sorry for putting you through that story

- Emma and Me.