Autumn
Autumn dreaded her family’s seasonal dinner every year. It always fell on the same day, every year for as long as she could remember. It used to take place during the summer, for the weather was more favorable then, but Autumn used to be able to skip out of it then. She would tell her mother, Gaia, that she had something going on or was busy too busy preparing for her season, and while her mother knew she was lying, Autumn was stubborn and was able to get out of showing up at the dinner table. But then one year, Gaia changed the date so that their dinner would land just after the changing of summer to fall. Autumn was always free then and never had a believable excuse.
Autumn didn’t necessarily hate her family, she just thought it was ridiculous to have designated family time at their age. She believed that they all had their separate lives, they were adults, and it was stupid to be forced to see each other when they didn’t have to. It’s not as if any of them were going anywhere, they were going to be around for a very long time (as long as human-kind got global warming under control, her family could control the seasons, not the ozone layer).
There were four siblings in total; Autumn, the youngest, Arun, the next youngest, April, the next oldest, and then Jack, the big brother. Each one of them had their own responsibilities and no two were alike, which made for a quite awkward family dinner, which was another reason for Autumn to not show.
All of her thoughts swirling around in her head while she stood on the front porch of her mother’s house, her fist frozen inches from the door. She placed her hand back down by her side and took a look around Gaia’s front lawn. The sun was just beginning to set, casting an orange hue on the scene in front of her. Gaia never decorated for the holiday’s, always opted for decorating based on what season it currently it was. At the present moment, Gaia had uncarved pumpkins of differing colors and sizes laid out on her porch and a wreath made of orange, yellow and red flowers hanging on her door. She had a friendly scarecrow out on her lawn with a few barrels of hay on either side of the stuffed man, more pumpkins on top of the hay. The leaves on the two big oak trees were already beginning to change, warm colors being mixed in with green left over from summer, from Arun.
Autumn knew she had spent enough time procrastinating and raised her hand once more, knocking on her mother’s front door. While waiting for the door to open, Autumn fixed the tan peacoat she wore over her burnt orange skater dress, paired with black stockings and booties. October was just around the corner and, with her help, the air had begun to chill. Autumn always opted for colder fall seasons than most people desired, she had heard many complaints from those down in the southern states. There was something about an early morning chill and the changing leaf colors due to the colder temperatures that set her soul right.
When the door opened, Autumn expected her mother to be on the other side. She was instead greeted by her older brother, Jack. His usual jet-black hair had been bleached snow white, Autumn assumed, in preparation for the upcoming winter season. He had, appropriately, followed their mother’s dress code of business casual by wearing a baby blue dress shirt with black pants and shoes.
“Hello, Jack,” Autumn said, stepping over the threshold and into the entry-way.
“Autumn,” Jack said, nodding his greetings to her.
Autumn slipped out of her coat and placed it on the stand next to the front door, where three other coats were already hung. She noticed that air surrounding Jack still ran a few temperatures lower than the rest of the space and because of this, wanted to slip back into her jacket to fight off the chill.
“Didn’t think you were going to show. Dinner’s almost ready,” Jack said, crossing his arms.
Besides Gaia, Jack was the only other person in their family who insisted on these dinners. Autumn assumed that it was because Jack was the oldest brother and had taken on a lot of responsibility in the family as their father wasn’t around much. He didn’t have a lot of time on his hands, or possibly too much time. Jack was always creating family group chats so that they could work out times for other family events, but Autumn refused to be a part of them and would leave the chats as soon as he had created them.
“Traffic was horrible,” Autumn said.
Jack hummed, not believing her, and walked down the hallway that Autumn knew led to her mother’s family room. Wanting another moment to herself, Autumn stayed behind and took her time walking down the hall. On the walls were different photos of her family throughout the many years. Some were high school photos of her and her siblings from the different places they had lived, but they had given up on that front and were now posing as normal adults, living on their own. It had been this change that allowed Autumn to see the rest of the world and realize that her life didn’t have to revolve around her family. Other photos were of her and her siblings from many years ago, when they had all gotten along, before Jack and Autumn had had their big fight. Autumn’s jaw had clenched at the memory and finally stepped into the family room.
Jack was seated at the grand piano against the far wall, playing notes to a song Autumn didn’t know. Avril was seated on one of the couches that faced the piano and wall. Avril had always been oddly formal, and this showed in her attire, a floor-length gown, the fabric in different shades of pink and her long blonde hair up in an intricate hairstyle. Even though Avril was formal and proper, she also contained a certain glow and warmth with her that was able to comfort and ease people surrounding her. This calming effect was what Autumn found solace in whenever she had to be around Jack for extended periods of time, for the pair did not get along and bickered constantly.
Autumn stood in the doorway and watched Avril close her eyes and sink deeper into the plush cushions, allowing Jack’s music to flow through her. In her hand she held a glass of white wine and Avril sipped on it as she hummed along to the notes coming from the black instrument. In the moment, Autumn wished she knew the song or melody so that she could join Avril on the couch and share the glass of wine. Autumn turned to the left and walked into the kitchen, instead.
Standing next to her mother at the oven was the next sibling, Arun. Autumn rolled her eyes and chuckled, as Arun clearly didn’t get the memo about attire because he was clad in a t-shirt and shorts, his sandy blonde hair falling into his eyes as he peered at what his mother was doing.
“Hey, pool boy! I might’ve been mistaken but I thought the invitation said business casual, not beach-wear.” Autumn said, smiling at her older brother when he turned to her.
“Hey, don’t hate, sis. Who am I dressing up to impress? You? Mom? I don’t think it’s necessary,” Arun said, pulling Autumn into a hug.
“Aren’t you cold, though? Even I felt the breeze when I came in,” Autumn said breaking the hug.
“You know that I run a little hotter. The cold doesn’t bother me,” he said.
Autumn turned to her mother and felt her heart swell. Gaia was clad in a simple white dress, her greying hair down and tucked behind her ears.
“Hi, Mama,” Autumn said, softly and walked into her mother’s open arms, breathing in a smell that was unique to Gaia, it was as if all of the seasons had been wrapped up into one scent.
“Hello,” Gaia said, squeezing her youngest child. “I was beginning to get worried that something had happened.”
“Traffic was horrible, I tried to get here as soon as I could,” Autumn explained.
“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Her mother said, pulling out of the hug. “Arun, I’m fine here, go join your brother and sister,” Gaia said, ushering her son out of the room.
Autumn walked over to the sink and pulled out a wine glass from the cabinet. She looked at the open bottle of white wine, the same one Avril had in her glass, and poured herself a glad of red.
“How have you been? How’s my grandbaby doing?” Gaia said with a smirk, causing Autumn to smile.
“Cal? He’s fine, he was sleeping on the couch when I left. I’m sure he’ll still be there when I get back,” Autumn said, talking about her one-year-old ragdoll cat she recently adopted.
“You should’ve brought him tonight, I want to meet him, but you never want me at your place,” Gaia said, stirring a sauce on the stove.
“Mom,” Autumn said, softly.
“It was just a statement, I’m not trying to start an argument.” Gaia said, putting her hand up.
“He doesn’t like new places. It took a while for him to get accustomed to my apartment, I didn’t want him to freak out while here.” Autumn explained.
“Well you should bring him next dinner,” Gaia said.
Autumn hummed, noncommittedly, and took another sip from her wine.
“How are you enjoying life outside of school? What have you been doing?” Her mother asked her, trying to keep the conversation flowing.
“Fine, I suppose. I traveled a lot at first, went to all the places I had dreamed of going; Greece, England, Ireland. When I came back, I knew I wanted some stability so that’s when I got Calvin and started working,” Autumn said, catching her mom up on her life.
“Oh really? Where are you working?” Her mother asked.
“At a bookstore, it’s only a few days a week but it’s been keeping me busy. The older woman who runs it is my neighbor and had been trying to get me out of the apartment, so she offered me a job,” Autumn said, pouring herself another glass of wine.
“That sounds nice, dear. I’m glad to hear that you’re in a good place,” Gaia said, smiling at her. “I’m almost done in here, go say ‘hi’ to your sister.”
Autumn topped off her glass before leaving the kitchen and entering the family room. Jack was still playing the piano but had switched to a much more somber melody. Avril and Arun were sitting on the couch, talking quietly between them. Autumn sat down on the other couch in the room and stared at the fireplace across from her, the flames dancing behind the screen.
“Who lit the fire?” Autumn asked.
“I did, it was getting too cold in here,” Arun said, looking at Jack.
Jack paused in his playing but continued on after a second.
“Autumn, mother told me you recently added a cat to your home! Tell me about him,” Avril said, placing her empty glass on the table in front of her.
“His name’s Calvin and he’s a sweetheart. He’s a Ragdoll cat, so he loves to cuddle and doesn’t really do much but sleep,” Autumn said, gushing about her cat.
“He sounds adorable,” Avril said. “You should bring him next time, I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say we’d love to meet him.”
“Yeah, maybe he can warm Jack up some,” Arun said, laughing.
Jack grunted and shook his head.
“I don’t need warming up,” Jack said.
He turned his head and locked eyes with Autumn, challenging her to respond to his statement. Autumn broke eye contact and lifted her glass to her lips, downing the rest of the wine in it. There was a time where Autumn and Jack got along, actually, they were the closest out of the siblings. They made for the best seasons and worked in perfect harmony to develop the smoothest changes. Until Jack started shutting her out, not including her in his plans for change-over, became cold. Autumn never knew what initiated the change in him and had given up trying after their huge fight, the last time she had tried talking to him about it. It was the year after that fight that Autumn had begun avoiding her family and their dinner. Autumn didn’t know how to face him and also couldn’t forgive him for the hurtful things he had said to her. Granted, Autumn had said some things she wished she hadn’t, but they were both stubborn.
“Yeah, well you don’t have to be around you all the time,” Arun said.
“Speak for yourself, everyone who stands around you, sweats,” Jack said, turning back to his keys, smiling to himself. “At lease those around me can put on a jacket, with you they just have to suffer.”
Arun mumbled under his breath, most likely mocking Jack, but knew he had no reasonable comeback.
“Autumn, darling, I was thinking that maybe I could host a dinner at my place,” Avril said, sharing a glance with Jack.
“Mom’s letting you host next year’s dinner?” Autumn said, placing her glass on the table.
“Uh, no. I meant a dinner before next year’s dinner,” Avril said.
“This was your idea?” Autumn said, looking at the back of Jack’s head.
“Of course, who else?” Avril said,
Autumn mumbled, “I have a few ideas,” causing Jack to turn and face her.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked.
“It’s just interesting that Avril never asks to have more than one dinner a year and suddenly she’s so excited to host another and you’re silent like you couldn’t care less,” Autumn said.
“You won’t go if I host it,” Jack said.
“Yeah and I wonder why,” she said, causing Jack to take in a sharp breath.
“Guys. Enough. There’s not enough alcohol in this house for tonight if you guys are going to start this, early,” Arun said, closing his eyes.
“They aren’t starting anything,” Gaia said, entering the room with her hands on her hips. “Isn’t that right?”
“Right,” Jack said, turning back to the piano.
“Sorry, mom,” Autumn said, hanging her head.
“It’s alright. Now, I’m sure you guys are hungry, dinner’s ready,” Gaia said, leading her family into the dining room.
The long mahogany table had a brown runner on it and the center piece was a white pumpkin stuffed with red, yellow, and orange flowers and Autumn could smell cinnamon coming from either the pumpkin or one of the food dishes. They took their seats at the sides of the table with their mother at the head, Jack across from Autumn, Avril next to her and Arun across from Avril.
“Okay, I tried to fit everyone’s favorites in as best as I could,” their mother said.
Everyone plated their desired foods; Autumn plating herself maple pork with roasted potatoes, Arun reaching for a hamburger and French fries, Avril grabbing some roast chicken and spring vegetables, and Jack having a personal Shepherd’s pie. Gaia plated herself a little bit of each dish.
“Autumn, how has the season been going? I can see the changes already beginning,” Gaia asked her youngest daughter.
“Smoother than last year, I think. The first few weeks are always the hardest to get through, but I think we’re finally over the hump. I haven’t decided whether or not the south will have a cold Halloween,” Autumn said, filling her glass of wine again.
“I was afraid Arun was going to get too carried away with his,” Gaia said, peering at her son.
“What can I say? People love me,” Arun said, grinning smugly.
“They don’t love you enough, son. Try to remember that the next time you want to give Florida record highs,” Gaia said, passing her son the ketchup. “Jack, are you looking forward to winter?”
“I was thinking about amping it up this year, to balance out Arun’s excitement and long-run,” Jack said. “Might try to make it down south sooner than normal, to give them a longer, cooler winter,” he said.
“I think that’s a good idea,” Gaia said, sipping on her wine.
“It might be easier if I could coordinate with some people,” Jack said, staring at his siter from across the table.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Autumn retorted.
“I’m just saying sometimes I could use your help. You don’t always have to take off right after change-over,” Jack said.
“Not even five minutes into dinner, honestly?” Avril said.
“It’s not myresponsibility to help you. You can handle yourself perfectly fine, I’m aware of that.” Autumn said, clenching her fork in her hand.
“You have a duty to this family,” Jack said, pointing his finger at her.
Autumn stood up, pushing her chair back in the process, almost causing it to tip over.
“Duty?Youwant to talk about a family duty?” Autumn shouted, her temper flaring.
Outside, the wind had begun to pick up and the clouds grew darker.
“Enough,” their mother said, quietly, while looking outside the window and seeing the weather change.
“Oh, what can you tell me about family duty? You don’t even want to see us once a year,” Jack shouted, also standing up to face his sister.
“I wonder why, Jack! Maybe that has something to do with you,” Autumn shouted, pointing at her older brother.
The steadily increasing wind caused Gaia’s oak to bang harshly against the window, causing Avril and Arun to jump at the collision.
“Me? How does that have to do with me?” Jack said, throwing his hands up in the air.
“Enough,” Gaia said, firmly.
“Don’t play dumb, you know what this is about,” Autumn said, her voice cracking as her emotions took over.
“Autumn, seriously? That happened so long ago, I thought you had gotten over that,” Jack said, rolling his eyes.
“You shut me out! You shut everyone out, with no excuses and then suddenly expected everyone to forget that and nowyou want to be a family again?” Autumn said, feeling her eyes begin to water.
“Enough!” Gaia said, standing up from her chair.
“You never even apologized,” Autumn said, softly.
Jack’s eyes softened at the fragile state his little sister was in.
“Autumn I-,” Jack started.
“Just forget it. Sorry, mom,” Autumn said, walking out of the room.
Autumn could hear her family’s protests to her leaving, but she couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her brother any longer. She walked through the family room towards the slider that led to her mother’s back porch and opened the door. As she stepped out into the cold air, Autumn wondered when it had begun to snow, as she didn’t think it was that cold when she first arrived. She took a seat on the porch that her mother had installed many years ago and gently began rocking back and forth.
Autumn hated losing control of herself and her emotions, especially in front of her family. She had always tried to stay calm and collected during their previous dinners, wanting to ensure that she would be able to get in and out as quickly as possible. Autumn took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, and watched as the dark clouds slowly lightened up and the snow began to slow. To her right, the porch door opened, and Jack walked out.
“Can I sit?” He asked, nodding to the space next to her.
Autumn looked from her brother to the seat and moved over, making room for him. They began to swing again, both sitting in silence for a few minutes.
“I didn’t think you were still upset about what happened,” Jack said, softly, causing Autumn to scoff and look away from him. “I should’ve known, I’m sorry.”
Autumn shook her head, still not looking at him.
“What are you sorry for?” Autumn said.
“What? What do you mean?” Jack said, turning to look at her.
“I mean what exactly are you apologizing for? For not knowing I was still upset?” Autumn said.
“Well, yeah. Among other things,” Jack said, shrugging.
“You’re unbelievable,” Autumn said, under her breath.
“What do you want from me?” Jack said, his voice raising, and Autumn could hear thunder in the distance.
“I want you to own up to what you did. I want you to not sweep this under the rug like you’ve been doing. Fuck, I want you to act like a God damned adult for once in your very long life!” Autumn said, finally looking at her brother.
Jack stared at her, speechless. It wasn’t in Autumn’s nature to curse, let alone in front of her mother and siblings. Autumn could feel the temperature drop even more and began taking deeper breaths, trying to calm her emotions and the weather down.
“Look, you wanted an apology and I gave you one,” Jack said, crossing his arms.
“No, you gave me a half-assed apology that sounded like you read it off of a script,” said Autumn. “What happened to you? You never used to be this cold, not even during the Ice Age.”
“It’s who I am,” Jack said, shrugging.
“That’s not true. You and I both know that’s not true,” Autumn said.
“Yeah, it is. It’s just you don’t seem to want to understand that and I will not apologize for your ignorance.”
“So, you expect me to believe that you just suddenly woke up one day and realized you were this cold, heartless person?”
“You can believe whatever you want, I know my truth,” Jack said, shrugging.
“It’s not the truth! It makes no sense! People love you, they love the first snow and being wrapped up in blankets with hot chocolate watching Friendsre-runs,” Autumn said.
“No, that’s you.” Jack said, sternly.
“It’s you, too!” Autumn said.
“No, it’s not! I am blizzards and shoveling the driveway before work. I’m frostbite and hypothermia. I’m seasonal depression, people actually get more depressed during my season! You get all of the holiday’s and I get, what? Christmas? That’s not even mine, I have to give that to Mr. Jolly,” Jack said.
“Jack,” Autumn said, sighing. “You don’t get it do you? You’re New Year’s resolutions and midnight joy. You’re cloudless skies and bright stars. You’re white Christmases and baby’s first Christmases. You have your own Instagram hashtag!” Autumn said, seeing her brother crack a small smile. “Do you know how many people fall in love during your season and propose during winter?”
Jack shrugged again and stayed silent.
“Is that what this is all about? You think you’re a bad season, so you played the part?” Autumn said softly.
“I just assumed I’d give the people what they want,” Jack said.
“They don’t want a sad winter. That is one thing no one wants,” Autumn said.
“It’s just so difficult when everyone’s so happy during yours, Avril’s, and Arun’s seasons,” Jack said.
“Not always, we all have our bad aspects. Avril’s got thunderstorms and allergies. Arun’s got heatstroke and hurricanes. I’ve got to clean up after Arun’s hurricanes and culturally insensitive Halloween costumes,” Autumn said, causing Jack to laugh.
“That’s a very good point,” Jack said, smiling at his sister who returned his. “I am sorry I’ve been such a jerk. I haven’t been a good brother lately. Or a good friend.”
“I haven’t been an angel either. I do avoid you guys more than I should, I’m just always afraid to fight with you. So, I just assume it’s easier if I’m not there,” Autumn said, looking back out into the yard.
“It’s not.” Jack said. “It’s not easier. We usually just sit around and have meaningless talk.”
“Glad to know I’m still the life of the party,” Autumn said, nudging her brother with her shoulder.
“Don’t let it get to your head. Arun would debate you on that,” Jack said, chuckling.
“He can debate all he wants, I know my truth,” Autumn said, smiling.
The pair made their way inside, where their other two siblings and mother were waiting. Gaia eyed both of them but seemed satisfied with what she saw as she gave them both a warm smile.
“Finally,” Arun said, sighing. “Thought you two would fight forever.”
“Arun, shut it,” Avril said, bumping her younger brother with her shoulder.
“Well, as lovely as tonight has been,” Arun said, “I do have to get going, I have a flight to catch in the morning.”
They all shared their good-byes and promises of meeting sooner than next year’s dinner. The four siblings walked out of the front door and got into their respective cars, driving away one-by-one. Autumn was putting her car into drive when she got a notification on her phone. She smiled at the new group chat formed and drove away into the night, eager to get home to her cat and warm bed.
