Before The Beginning
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hear, but I don’t want to be deaf. I don’t want to feel more pain, but I want to feel pain. I don’t want to hear my trigs, but I want to hear my love’s voice.”
“WELL, THEN YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER. DO IT OR I WILL.” Beelzebub says, “THE PAIN IS STRONGER THAN YOUR PLEASURE. YOU HAVE TO DO IT.”
“But-”
“NO.” they yell using a distorted, demonic voice. “IT WILL GET WORSE. YOU KNOW THAT.”
“Yes, I know, but I’ll miss so mu-”
“STOP ARGUING WITH ME. YOU NEED TO PLUNGE THAT KNIFE INTO YOUR EARS. NOW.”
“I-I” I attempt to speak, but my eyes fill to the brim with tears, scared of the pain I’ll feel soon. I lift the knife to one of my ears. I ready it and-
My phone rings.
I look at it and it says it’s my boyfriend.
I set down the knife and pick it up.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP HESITATING.”
“Shut up for a second. It’s Laurence.” they silence because they’re scared of him.
I hit accept.
“DON’T DO IT! NO, YOU CAN’T! I’M NOT GONNA LET YOU! I’M DRIVING TO YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW AND IF I HAVE TO SEE YOU WITHOUT YOUR EARS, IMA DIE! GOD, SAY SOMETHING!!!”
“Lore, calm down.” My eyes still spilling out as I try to comfort him. “I haven’t done it.”
“OH MY GOHDDD DONT FUDGING DO THAT AGAIN TO ME!!! YOU MEAN BOYYYYYYYYY!!!”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, it just freaks me out when you leave school hours early after one of your breaks. You scared me.”
“You know it’s not my fault for Beelzebub, right? Or my misophonia? Or my depression? Or my suicide stuff? It freaks me out too, you know? A lot. Definitely MUCH more than it freaks you out. IT’S MY BRAIN!!! IT HURTS!!!”
There’s a long pause on the phone. I hear him breathe heavily as I realize what I just did
“Laurence, I’m so sorry. I- I just- you know that after the break I’m Whenney, right? That wasn’t me. Not one bit. I didn’t me-”
There’s a knock on the door to my apartment.
I get up and open the door.
A short, buff, light-skinned young man with angled eyebrows, a turquoise high-top, and a septum piercing wearing a hoodie and white overalls and checkered vans stands holding a 3- gallon tub of dark chocolate ice cream in one hand and small marshmallows in the other stands there.
It’s Laurence, tears streaming down his face but still wearing a smile on his face.
“Freddie- I-I” he walks toward me throwing the ice cream and marshmallows to the ground.
We hold each other for what feels like infinity
“I know,” I whisper
“I know you know.” He responds, quietly
“I know you know I know you know.” I chuckle
“Let’s binge adventure time and get fat.” He says, picking up the stuff
