Untamed Thoughts

I guess when it all ends, it suddenly comes back in flashes, right before your very eyes, and it will hurt, and you will question yourself what you did to deserve such pain.

Everyone loves the idea of happiness, but nobody wants to pay the price it comes with. We love to celebrate the triumphs but are too lazy to follow the process. Maybe that is why, we need to tell ourselves that there is a certain time for something, and there are reasons why these things are happening.

I no longer write for my past, I am completely detached from it, and I no longer seek the love we kind of left in the shadows of yesterday, I am fully aware that we cannot take back what is gone, but we can appreciate what remains, and become even more hopeful for what is coming. We cannot do this if we continue on dealing with the ghosts from our ancient days.

Believe me in this, once you find yourself again, it will be harder for people to break down the walls you built around yourself, it will take a brave knight to climb the walls of the castle that you made. I know that it is not the way that we always hoped for, I know that it is not the things we are used to, but when good things go, better things come across us, and it would be unfair if we do not gamble anything just because we think that it is not convenient for us.

If he leaves, he will. No matter how hard you plead, if he thinks about it already, then do not even bother to ask him to stay, you are worth more than that. We all deserve a love that is far more unequivocal than the vast sky, and as constant as the stars above. We all deserve someone who would be our headache and heartbeat, who would stay in our darkest nights and celebrate with us on our brightest days. And maybe, just maybe, they could be the person we finally end up with, no more setbacks, no more next ones, just the one.

One day, I could become the person that someone would be thankful for, one day, I would be someone’s answered prayer, not just another trash that could ruin the lives of the people who care about me, or tried to save and love me. Maybe one day I could find someone with bright eyes that twinkle every time they see me just because they are thankful for my existence, not just someone who sees me and would wish to never see me again. One day, I could become someone’s future, not just someone who marked me as a conquest done in the past. Someday, I want to be someone’s everything, not just someone’s idea of something.

It takes a lot of guts and bravery to find what I lost, it takes time to heal the scars I had. And most of all, it is going to take a lot of years to believe something exists in this world. Right now all I want is to find that faith and courage again, the courage to fall in love hard even if I know what the consequences are.