Intriguing but a little dull

"I have mixed feelings about this. I read the first chapter, and I definitely enjoyed the second half. The first half didn't really draw me though. The whole dream sequence -- though you made it feel very dream-like -- seemed very distant and inconsequential. And I think that a big part of it was the lack of dialogue. Dialogue in the first half would have helped me to connect more with what was going on. Also, throughout the story, you use the same words repetitively, and it makes it read kind of clunky. The second half -- besides the issue of the wording -- was very enjoyable though. From the point where he woke up, I was completely engaged. And that ending! I stared at my computer screen going, "What? NOOO!" This story has a lot of potential. It just has a few kinks that need to be worked out. I hope that this helps. Good work!"