from the outside
My name is Blair Clark, and i want to die.
i’m around 5’5, i have chocolate brown hair that comes just past my shoulders and is horrible to work with unless it’s been straightened, i have army green eyes, the rest of my face is fairly average for a 15 year od girl, so is my body, it’s just average, no special features, no lovely tan skin, nothing but average. i’m telling you all this so you can try and picture what i look like to the rest of the world, to people who don’t know the truth, the people who don’t know about the hatred and pain that i carry everyday along with school books, the cuts on my legs which also serve as a dress code reminder. i want tell you how i look to everyone else, the way i wish i really was, i want you to know that version before i tell your the truth about my life, i feel it’s important that u know both views of me, so that one day hopefully you can save someone else, so you can stop them from doing what my end goal is.
If you asked my friends and family to describe me in one word they would say things like; kind, funny, happy, smart, creative, helpful, beautiful, strong, loyal, honest and energetic. Trust me i am none of those things.
If you asked someone if i looked like a normal happy kid they would say yes, i mean i have no visible tell tales of a suicidal kid right?, i don’t wear dark colours, dress emo, my room is bright blue, i wear natural and minimal makeup, i don’t do art surrounded by death, i’m not some kind of satanist,i’m still a virgin, i don’t do drugs and so on, i don’t have what some people like to call a ‘depressed or suicidal look’, i look ‘normal’. what even is normal though, i mean every second kid is depressed, you know the real question i think that our parents should start asking isn’t why are kids depressed, there lives are so great’ they should start asking ‘what in there lives has made theres so much worse than ours’.
So by now you should get the basic jist of how people see me, i’m the energetic, bubbly, funny, happy friend who is always there for you and can always put a smile on your face.
Im going to confess to everything, i will spill every detail that lead me to where i am today, i will confess my sorrows and explain the mess that’s in my head. I will confess until i’m either saved, or until i’ve confessed my whole story, once i’ve told you everything my purpose is done, because i believe my only purpose in life is to lose it to try and help people be more aware to the people around them, a person you see everyday could be on the edge of suicide, i hope i can help you distinguish who.
