Chapter One
All I could focus on was Draven and the way his fingers felt in my hair. It was the closest I'd ever get to the feeling of someone touching me, due to what my parents liked to call my gift; it was more like a curse, if you asked me. Being unable to touch anyone without causing them unbearable pain wasn't in any way a gift, but my parents still insisted on calling it that.
I sighed, my eyes fluttering closed as Draven continued to run his fingers through my hair, taking extra care not to touch my skin in the process.
My parents didn't know about Draven and I; we'd been sneaking around for months and I had feelings for him, although I had no idea how he felt about me and the fact that we were unable to touch each other tended to put a strain on our relationship.
"I wish I could kiss you." He said suddenly, catching me by surprise.
I found myself turning to face him, my eyes opening and my gaze fixing onto his face. The moment I turned around, his gaze fell to my lips, his eyes darkening slightly and making my breath catch in my throat. I'd imagined what it would be like to kiss him so many times in my head, but I knew that it could never happen. There was no way I could ever touch him without hurting him or worse. He knew that, so I didn't understand why he was bringing this up. I didn't understand why he was torturing us both by talking about this.
"You know that you can't, Draven." I said, my voice low and shaky.
He sighed in what sounded like frustration as he dropped to his knees in front of me so that we were face to face, still staring at my mouth like he wanted to devour me. The thought alone made my heart race in my chest, my breath catching in my throat again. There was nothing I wanted more right now than to kiss him, but I didn't want to hurt him.
"Maybe it's worth it, Sky. Maybe it would be worth the pain to get to kiss you just once. It's driving me crazy imagining what it would be like." He whispered, his face slowly inching closer to mine.
I began to panic, but I couldn't bring myself to push him away quite yet. I couldn't bring myself to put more distance between us until I absolutely had to.
"I don't want to hurt you, Draven." I whispered back, my voice breaking halfway through the sentence.
He threaded his fingers through my hair, still being careful not to touch my skin and a sigh escaped my lips as I fought not to let myself get lost in the closest feeling I'd get to feeling someone else.
"I don't care if it hurts, Sky. Let me kiss you, even if it's only once." He breathed.
As soon as the words left his lips, I suddenly realized just how close our faces were but before the panic that was suddenly rearing its head could fully sink in and make me put distance between us, he closed the minuscule distance between us and kissed me.
I'd never forget the sensation of feeling another person's skin against mine, of feeling another person's lips touching my own. It was one of the most amazing things I'd ever felt, but it didn't last long.
The kiss only lasted for a second before Draven was withdrawing, a gasp of pain escaping his lips as he lost his balance and fell backwards, away from me.
Only seconds later, he started to scream, writhing around on the ground as if he were in agony.
My hand came up to cover my mouth, my eyes brimming with tears and my heart practically breaking at the sight of him in so much pain; pain that I'd caused. I should have stopped this before it got too out of hand. I should never have been sneaking around with him to begin with. I knew how dangerous it was for him to touch me, yet I'd let this happen.
The last thought I had before everything went black was that this was all my fault.
~
I sat up in my bed, gasping for breath, my heart beating a hundred miles a minute. I was tangled in the covers and I fought to free myself while trying to get my breathing under control. I eventually managed to shove the covers away and swing my legs off of the bed before I pushed my damp hair back out of my face, trying to get myself to calm down.
I'd just had one of my recurring nightmares; I had that dream fairly regularly, as I still blamed myself for what had happened, even though Draven was fine now as far as I knew. I hadn't seen him since that incident three years ago, but my parents had regularly checked up on him, if only for my piece of mind. I understood that he didn't want to see me again, but I needed to know that he was okay and that what I'd done hadn't left any lasting damage.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep after that nightmare, because I never could afterwards, so I climbed out of bed and made my way into the bathroom, deciding to have a shower and then go for a run. Running always helped to calm me down. It was one of the things that kept me sane.
Once I'd finished in the shower, I got dressed in my running gear and pulled my long dirty blonde hair up into a ponytail before grabbing my phone and heading out, making sure to lock my dorm room door on my way out. I'd never heard of anyone ever getting broken into on campus but you could never be too careful in my book.
I began to run and after only ten minutes, I was already overheating. It was a pain having to wear clothes that covered almost every inch of my skin sometimes; it was especially bad in the summer.
I didn't really have a destination in mind, but I ended up heading in the direction of the lake. It was still the middle of the night and I knew that there wouldn't be anyone around and it was the perfect place to have a break from running and properly calm myself down.
It didn't take me long to reach the lake and I slowed down and sat down on the bank, enjoying the cool night air and the peace and quiet of the night.
I loved this place and came here fairly regularly when I went for a run after having nightmares. I thought the whole campus of The Academy For The Gifted was beautiful. It had been my home for the past two and a half years and I was still finding hidden areas that I hadn't known existed before.
I felt slightly less alone attending this school than I had before I'd come here, because the students here were in a similar boat to me, although my powers were by far some of the worst and none of them would ever really understand what it felt like to be me, apart from my older brother, Jazz, who for some inexplicable reason had ended up with the same powers as me. We were really close because of that fact and I practically worshiped him because unlike me, he seemed to have endless amounts of optimism and didn't let his situation get him down. All the students here had some kind of powers and all of them had varying degrees of telepathy, although some were stronger than others. I knew most of the students names, but I didn't know all of them personally. My sister also attended this school with me and Jazz and although we weren't as close as Jazz and I, we still had a pretty solid relationship.
Despite the fact that I was trying my hardest not to think about my dream, I eventually found my thoughts returning to Draven. I was 15 when I first met him; I'd been deprived of skin to skin contact my whole life and I didn't have the first clue about love or even attraction. I'd been completely unprepared and confused by the reactions that he'd conjured in me and I hadn't known how to handle it and despite him knowing about my gift/curse, he'd fought to get to know me. My parents had been against the whole thing, but I hadn't cared at the time and I'd repeatedly snuck out of the house the meet him until I'd found myself developing feelings for him. At one point, I'd thought that I'd fallen in love with him, but I knew better now. I knew now that if anything, I'd been infatuated with him; he was good looking and interesting and he'd shown an interest in me, when no one else had ever wanted to be around me, especially once they knew what I could do; so all of that had made me like him and had made me think that I felt more for him than I did.
After he'd gotten hurt kissing me, I'd called my parents in tears and told them what had happened. I didn't remember much about what happened next, but I'd tried to go and see Draven a few days later, to check that he was okay, only to be told that he didn't want to see me. He'd always told me that he didn't care that I could hurt people when I touched them, he'd always told me that it didn't make a difference to him and that he liked me anyway and that nothing would change that, but the moment that he'd seen what I could do in action, he completely changed his mind. He decided that he never wanted to see me again and as much as I respected his decision, it still hurt. The whole thing broke me on the inside and I still hadn't completely recovered, hence the recurring nightmares.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that I wasn't alone until someone sat down beside me. I turned my head in surprise, my shoulders already tensing, until I saw who it was and instantly relaxed.
It was Calder Anderson. He was my sister, Roza's boyfriend and I guess you could say we were friends.
Despite the fact that he was my sister's boyfriend, I always found myself noticing just how good looking he was and tonight was no exception.
Calder was taller than me by a few inches, and his build was lean and toned, like a swimmer. He had broad shoulders that tapered into a slim waist and long legs. His shoulders led up to a sculpted throat and an angular jaw. His lips were full and I'd had brief thoughts before about what it would be like to kiss him; he also had a small silver hoop on either side of his bottom lip and I'd wondered what it would feel like to kiss him with those there. His hair was a mess of tousled auburn curls that looked incredibly soft and thick and would probably feel like heaven to run your hands through. Then there were his eyes; Calder had the most amazing eyes I'd ever seen; slightly up-tilted at the corners, framed by some of the thickest, darkest lashes I'd ever seen on a guy and a dazzling shade of silver that left me breathless every time I looked into them.
I'd often forget that he was my sister's boyfriend sometimes when I found myself captivated by his good looks, but as soon as I managed to regain my composure, I always felt awful for looking at my sister's boyfriend that way. Tonight was no different.
I managed to pull my gaze away from him, looking out at the dark water yet again, my heart suddenly beating faster than before.
"You couldn't sleep either, huh?" He asked after a moment of silence, his low raspy voice sending a shiver down my spine that I immediately chastised myself for.
I briefly glanced at him again before diverting my gaze once more.
"Had a nightmare. Thought going for a run might help take my mind off of it." I found myself saying, despite the fact that I didn't want to talk about my nightmare or Draven.
"Want to talk about it?" He asked, a hint of concern in his voice.
I'd spoken to Calder about my powers before and he was probably the only person I'd ever really confided in about how they really made me feel, but I'd never told him about what had happened with Draven when I was 15. I'd never told anyone outside of my family and I didn't want him to know, although I didn't fully understand why I didn't want him to know what had happened when he knew the worst of my powers.
Despite the fact that I didn't want to talk about this with him, it was like my mouth had a mind of its own. The words started to come out without any conscious thought on my part.
"When I was 15, I met this guy; Draven. He knew about what I can do and despite that, he insisted that he didn't care and that he wanted to get to know me anyway. I'd never met anyone that didn't care about my abilities before and even though I knew it was a bad idea and my parents forbade us to see each other, I would sneak out of the house to see him. I eventually developed feelings for him, even though we couldn't touch. One night, I went to meet him and he told me that he wished he could kiss me. Before I could talk him out of it or try to stop him, he did exactly that. He kissed me and I hurt him. I will never forget the sight of him writhing on the floor in agony from my touch or the sounds of his screams. I dream about that moment fairly regularly and I will never forgive myself for it." I practically whispered the words, so quietly that I didn't think he'd hear them, but I knew that he had when I heard him let out a heavy breath, almost as if he'd been holding his breath the whole time I'd been talking. When I turned my head to look at him, I saw that he was frowning, looking heartbroken although I had no idea why he looked that way.
"It wasn't your fault, Sky. He knew about your abilities. He knew the consequences of his actions. If you ask me, he brought it on himself. None of it was your fault." He said after a moment.
I'd been expecting him to at least try to console me so that didn't really come as a shock, but when he said that he thought Draven had brought what had happened on himself, it surprised me, because I'd never heard Calder talk about anyone that way. He was quite possibly the nicest guy I'd ever met and this was the first time I'd ever heard him speak badly about anyone.
"I should have stopped him, Calder. I shouldn't have let him kiss me. I knew what would happen and I let him do it anyway; all because I was starving for the littlest bit of contact." I muttered, still eaten up by guilt despite his words.
He suddenly grabbed my hand and I was so shocked that I gasped, but I quickly relaxed when I realized that I had my gloves on and there was no way he could touch my skin and get hurt.
"Listen to me, Sky. It wasn't your fault, so get that out of your head right now!" He said, his voice so harsh and unyielding that it took me completely by surprise.
When I looked up at his face, I noticed that his eyes were narrowed, a scowl on his face and he looked beyond pissed. I didn't understand what had made him so angry. I'd only ever seen Calder angry when he was speaking about my abilities, but I'd never seen him this angry before. I'd never seen him this worked up.
"No matter what you say, it was at least partly my fault. I still should have stopped him, even if he knew what would happen. The blame isn't all on him-" I knew that somehow every word was just making him angrier, but it was like my mouth was on autopilot. I didn't know why I was defending Draven, but I somehow just felt like I had to; like I owed him that or something. I gasped in surprise and horror when without any warning, Calder lifted his hands and cupped my face, bare skin against bare skin.
I immediately tried to extricate myself from him, but he held on regardless, as if he didn't even care that it was going to hurt him, but as seconds passed and then a minute and he continued to touch me without so much as a flicker of an expression of pain crossing his face, I found myself staring at him with wide eyes, my mouth hanging open in shock.
Calder looked just as surprised as I was as he stared back at me, his hands still cupping my face, the tips of his fingers absently brushing against my skin and making me shiver. I found myself involuntarily closing my eyes as I reveled in the sensation of skin-to-skin contact with another person, unsure of how long it would last. After another minute or so, I opened my eyes again and saw that he was still staring at me, his eyes darker and his lips slightly parted.
Without any conscious thought, my gaze strayed to his mouth, but I quickly managed to drag it back up to his eyes only to find that his gaze had strayed as well; he was staring at my mouth as his eyes grew darker with every passing moment and my heart began to beat faster and faster in my chest.
I didn't even have time to draw in a breath before he leaned forward and kissed me. I gasped against his mouth as his hands slid back into my hair, pulling the hair tie out and letting it fall around my face in unruly curls. He instantly deepened the kiss as his fingers tangled in my hair and I found myself lifting my own hand and trailing the tips of my fingers along the edge of his jaw, making him shudder against me.
Without breaking the kiss, he removed one of his hands from my hair before taking my gloved hand in his, then he somehow managed to remove my glove before he lifted my now bare hand to his jaw, brushing the tips of my fingers against his skin. When I continued to trail my fingertips along the line of his jaw, he groaned against my mouth as he wrapped one arm around my waist, managing to pull me closer and making me gasp against his mouth. I slid my hand upwards into his hair, tangling the strands around my fingers and the arm he had wrapped around my waist tightened as he broke the kiss and dropped a trail of butterfly light kisses along the edge of my jaw all the way around to my ear, then he began to lick and suckle at the spot just below my earlobe, making me let out a sound that sounded like a whimper as I tightened my grip in his hair, getting lost in all of these new sensations that I'd never experienced before.
I'd had no idea what I was missing out on. I had no idea that it could feel like this; that something so simple could make me feel like this. I never wanted it to end, but I knew that it had to eventually.
After a couple more minutes, he pulled back, loosening his arm from around my waist and putting enough distance between us that I could see his face clearly and he could see mine. His eyes were dark and hooded, his lips swollen and red and his hair was mussed from my hand running through it. I'd never seen anything so beautiful as Calder at that moment; I'd knew that I'd never see anything as beautiful ever again.
Then it was as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over me as I extricated myself from his arms, putting more distance between us as I picked up my discarded glove and slipped it back onto my hand.
Once I'd finished doing that, I found that I couldn't bring myself to look at Calder again. I couldn't bring myself to look at the evidence that I'd just betrayed my sister.
"Sky, look at me." He said after a moment, his voice raspier than I'd ever heard it. The sound sent a shiver down my spine, which I immediately chastised myself for.
I shook my head, keeping my gaze firmly fixed on the ground, not trusting myself to look at him right now.
"Sky, please. I need you to look at me." He said, his tone pleading now.
I sighed in frustration before I lifted my head to look up at his face and then immediately regretted it. He was closer than he had been when I'd put distance between us and he looked so unbelievably irresistible that I found it hard not to just close the distance between us and kiss him again, even though my brain kept telling me that I'd already betrayed Roza once; I couldn't do it again.
"That-that shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have even been able to happen." I murmured, my voice weak and shaking.
"I want you to answer me one question, Sky." He said, his tone serious.
I nodded my head, despite feeling wary of what exactly he was going to ask me.
"Do you have feelings for me?" He asked after a moment, his voice low and husky.
I stared at him like a deer caught in headlights, completely panicked.
Despite telling myself repeatedly that he was Roza's boyfriend and that we were just friends, I knew that deep down, I did have feelings for him.
I'd always thought that he was in love with Roza. I'd never even though anything between us was possible, in most part because of my abilities. I didn't know whether I should tell him the truth and deal with whatever the consequences would be, or whether to lie and pretend that I only saw him as a friend. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, although I didn't know if I could go back to being just friends with him after this.
"It doesn't matter if I have feelings for you or not. This shouldn't have happened. You're my sister's boyfriend and I just betrayed her! Not to mention that you shouldn't have even been able to touch me without me hurting you! You-you need to stay away from me." I said, my voice rising with hysteria with every word.
Before he could even summon a response, I scrambled to my feet, putting even more distance between us then I turned and took off running, not even sure where I was going but knowing that I needed to get away from him before things got any worse.
~
Even though I didn't have an actual destination in mind, I found myself outside the dorm of my best friend, Marlowe. I knew it was the middle of the night but I also knew that she'd open the door for me without question, no matter what time it was.
I'd met Marlowe on my first day here and despite the fact that I tried to keep my distance and keep myself closed off because of the whole Draven incident, we became best friends remarkably quickly. She refused to let me push her away and she'd worn me down until before I'd even realized it, she'd become an integral part of my life. I would have lost my mind a long time ago, if it weren't for her. She was also the only person I'd ever spoken to about my feelings for Calder.
I knocked on her door, hoping that maybe she was already awake and that I wouldn't be dragging her out of bed. My hopes proved fruitless when after a moment, the door swung open to reveal Marlowe standing there, looking irritated and disheveled, but also still somehow managing to look gorgeous. It was entirely obvious that I'd just woken her up and I immediately felt bad.
"Sky? What's wrong?" She asked, her voice still raspy from sleep, the look of irritation on her face quickly morphing into a concerned frown.
I'd known that she'd know that something was wrong and deep down, I knew that I'd come here because I needed to talk about what had just happened. My mind was in tatters and I didn't know what the hell to do. I needed her advice now more than I'd ever needed it before.
When I didn't immediatly answer her question, she stepped to the side, motioning for me to come in as she rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up.
I stepped through the door and she shut it behind me. She turned and headed into the kitchen, so I followed, figuring that she was more than likely going to make coffee, which she was addicted to.
I was proven right when she immediately headed to her coffee maker and proceeded to start the coffee making process.
"So, are you going to tell me what happened that made you come over here in the middle of the night or are you just going to stand there in silence?" She asked after a moment as she turned to face me.
I let out a heavy sigh as I sat down at her small breakfast counter and ran a hand through my loose, unruly curls, which immediately reminded me of the feeling of Calder's hands in my hair as he'd kissed me senseless.
I felt my face flush at the memory, but fought to get my mind to focus on the here and now.
"Calder kissed me." I blurted after a moment, then put my head in my hands and braced myself for her reaction. I hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but I didn't know how else to say it. This was seriously messing with my head and I was close to losing it right now.
I heard Marlowe's shocked gasp, before I heard her footsteps as she rounded the counter and sat down beside me, immediately grabbing my hands and tugging me around to face her. She looked beyond surprised and I couldn't really blame her. Calder shouldn't have even been able to touch me without getting seriously hurt, never mind kiss me. I didn't understand how it was even possible so she was probably struggling to come to terms with that as well.
"He kissed you? Is he okay? What happened?" She asked, and I realized that she hadn't immediately understood that I'd meant he'd been able to touch me without getting hurt.
"He kissed me and it didn't hurt him. He was somehow able to touch me without my powers hurting him." I breathed, still struggling to wrap my mind around the concept that there was someone who my abilities obviously didn't affect.
Her eyebrows rose in surprise as she blinked at me a few times, as if she were struggling to take in what I'd just said.
"He wasn't affected by your powers? How? What the hell, Sky?" She exlaimed, her emotions seeming to catch up with her as she almost tumbled into hysterics, but she managed to compose herself just in time, taking deep breaths.
"I have no idea, Lowe. He just somehow managed to kiss me without me hurting him. That's all I know. That isn't even the part that's really got to me." I said, suddenly feeling weighed down by the guilt of what I'd just done to my sister. I loved Roza to pieces and even though we weren't as close as Jazz and I, we were still pretty close and I hated the fact that I'd betrayed her. She loved Calder; I knew she did. If she ever found out about this, it would break her heart and could also ruin our relationship in the process.
"Shit," Marlowe whispered as realization suddenly lit up her expression. "I always forget that Calder is Roza's boyfriend."
I chewed on my bottom lip as the guilt intensified, now entwined with panic. I couldn't lose my sister because of this. She was one of the things that kept me sane in the absence of physical contact. I couldn't lose her.
"I can't believe I did this to her. If she knew, she'd hate me. She'd never want to speak to me again. I don't want to lose her, Lowe." I said, my voice breaking as my emotions got the better of me.
Marlowe took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently, trying to comfort me. I loved her for that.
"I don't think it's possible for her to hate you, Sky. She loves you. I know that you have feelings for Calder, but if you ask me, you should maybe try to keep your distance for a while, because even though she'd never be able to hate you, it would hurt Roza a lot if she found out what happened between you and Calder." She said, her tone both serious and apologetic.
I sighed heavily as I ran a hand through my hair again, knowing that she was right.
I had to stay away from Calder.
