Love Lost

Listening to the rain beat against the car, as the thunder roared through the night was bad enough, but the lightning knew how to strike fear in a broken heart. The windshield provided for a poor defense as her tears clouded the windows to her soul. The air from the outside made the steel box colder than the inside of an ice box, or could it be the knife poking out of her hoodie as blood pooled in the seat. She knew this feeling, it felt so familiar like a tune of a song that mocked its victim while concealing its true identity. Even though she faced this feeling before, still she was left with fear and uncertainty. Will death be as kind to let her keep her memories, will death permit her another go around on the roller coaster of life, or will his cruelty snuff her out, as she slowly faded away in the backseat of her assailant’s vehicle, she wondered, how did he find her here, and will she ever be able to escape this cat and mouse game?

Her silence was met with his taunts, he envied his absent-minded victim, “so close, so damn close” he said repetitively. As they approached the bridge she felt her phone vibrate, hunched against the window she fished the phone out of her pocket. Before she could answer it, he snatched the phone out of her hands, he answered the phone as if it were his own. He calmly told her frantic father that he could find her cold dead body at the bottom of the lake, and tossed the phone out the window. “Now”, he said rolling down the windows, allowing the rain to pour through, “I’m most positive you won’t remember this, but I loved you, I always have. You choose him time and time again, so disappointing, when will you learn….” he exhaled climbing over the front seat. Unbuckling her seatbelt, he laid her head in his lap, whispering in her ear, “you’ll always belong to me”. The car rolled slowly at first towards the river’s embankment. He noticed her breathing was labored, as the car started to increase in speed, heading for the river, as he stroked her hair, he moved his hand over her mouth and pushed the knife deep inside, and within that same moment snatched it out. He couldn’t risk her living, the pills he took earlier that day started to take their effect as she lay limp in his lap,blood pooling all around them, both lover and victim felt the cold water rush the car, and just like that, once here now gone, death collected what was owed.

Nadia woke covered in sweat, twisted in her sheets, with an excruciating pain riveting from her abdomen throughout her entire core. She swore she could feel his cold hand still on her mouth. She muttered, “tenth time” as she turned to face the ceiling. This was her tenth dream in the last two weeks that depicted different graphic ways in which she died. The clocked flashed 4pm on a dull Friday, pulling her frail frame from beneath the sheets was a chore she managed to do on a daily basis. Eyeing her frame she made note of her ribs that were more visible, she went from a size three to a size zero in less than ninety days. With her shower caddy in hand, she made her way into her shared bathroom. Knowing her roommate wouldn’t be home till the wee morning on Saturday from a night full of college regret, she proceeded to intentionally turn the radio up as loud as she could, stripping off the remainder of her clothes, she stared in disbelief at the pathetic human being she saw staring back at her.

Nadia had the tendency to figuratively carry the world on her shoulders, but lately she allowed the voices in her head to swallow her whole. The feeling of several voices, clouding her every waking moment, was one that made her skin crawl as the words echoed her defeats ever so viciously, the quiet moments she treasured were bombarded with sounds of twisted voices, their fight to get their message across tore at Nadia’s soul, as she lay half conscious at times, whispering obscenities in the wind, pleading with the unknown. Some would say she chose to live in this solitude of despair, but she knew that admitting that she hears the echoes of the ether would mean one thing, that she was indeed defective. Left to be ostracized if not by her loved ones, then by the new world she would have to venture, one that would know that this shell of a human was either insane or possessed. The flood of music barreling out of the speakers put her at ease, sliding into the bleach stained tub, the water gushed forcefully, as her head rested against the cold floor of what would be her watery coffin, focusing on the specs of chipped paint on the ceiling, tears burned as she stifled the sounds that tried to escape her icy cracked lips. The water scorched her olive tone skin, she took what she wanted to be her last breath before the water folded around her. The sting of the water was met with no objection, as she was determined to meet her tormentors eyes open, she wanted to see the life escape her vessel she swore to herself secretly that she would bear witness and attest that she left on her own terms.

“Nadia”screamed a red and teary eyed Jasmine, as she attempted to pull her semiconscious roommate from the cold splintered hands of death. “Johnathan Help!”she yelled as she left her slumped over the tub edge, she scrambled to find something to save her friend, as the water mixed with the purity of her friends blood.

“Whoa!, what the hell Jasmine, we need to call someone”, he glared in the room at a naked Nadia barely breathing, “I, I mean we, you can’t, we need to,″ he stuttered in complete shock. She nearly slipped on the water that continued to spill out of the tub, “ turn the damn water off”, she demanded, she knew if she stopped the blood and assessed the situation, she could probably mitigate the scandal that was brewing in Chauncey’s Hall. Johnathan found himself in disbelief he turned the faucet off, Jasmine and him both aspiring to become nursing majors made him resort back to some first aid tactics that he learned back in the boys scout, he moved Jasmine to the side and tide off her wrist to stop the bleeding. He then picked her limp body from the tub and carried her to the room.

“What the hell did she take, she’s not responding and there wasn’t that much blood loss, and by her hands,″ he said inspecting her body she wasn’t in there that long. “She doesn’t do drugs, she doesn’t even drink, I don’t know what the hell she was thinking”, Jasmine whispered shutting the room door pacing, Johnathan covered her nude body with the wine colored sheets, he positioned her body so that her head would hang over the bed, “Call Micah!”, he yelled. She quickly pulled his phone out of his back pocket, and scrolled to find the nursing student advisor, “you need to give her CPR, she cried as she listened attentively for him to answer. “CPR, she’s breathing Jasmine, I need her to throw up whatever she took”he quipped as he stuck his fingers down Nadia’s throat. “He’s on his way she whispered as her friend emptied up the contents of her stomach all over their hardwood floors.

Tears were dried,as the trio sat in disbelief, “I can lose everything,″ Micah said with dried blood on his shirt. They glared at Nadia’s they knew tonight would be the longest of their lives, “I would say I have first watch but I think we should all remain alert just in case”, Johnathan whispered. The lamp flickered throughout the night, the ominous feeling slowly faded as the sun rose, and beamed through the cracks of the drawn shades. Sleep visited them like death to its victim, like the water to a drowner it blanketed them as they fought to stay awake, eyes drooped, heads fell, and they all clamoured for a comfortable spot on the wine colored throw rug.

As Nadia’s nude body laid carefully wrapped in blankets, curls a miss, with three bodies littered on the floor, the wind carelessly found a way to blow in a locked door, with windows shut. The fan was off, but her body could feel the tingling of the air from her face, to the soft spot on the side of her neck, down her spine, swirling around making its way down to the inner sides of her thighs. She felt the pressure of her bed tilt beside her, as her lover made his way towards her body. Some nights she would look forward to the sexcapades that awaited our damsel, while other nights she dreaded his touch. With all the excitement she was in a mood, she laid still hoping he would leave, but he slowly slid under the covers beside her, she could feel his body heat against her wet skin. As he made his way to her neck, he whispered, “death only comes for those who wait” in her ear, as he turned to kiss her she pulled away. He chuckled sarcastically, “your mine”, he said in between his clenched teeth, as he held her arms down and forced his way in between her thighs. She hated that he would have his way, but mostly hated that she could never fight back, and resented how her body would respond, to every touch, and every thrust. Biting her lips, she tried to refrain from embarrassing herself by repeating the derogatory words he would throw at her. His hand always made their way around her delicate neck right before he would reach the point of no return, and her body would react insync as she would find herself entangled in his world. She hated this mystery being that would taunt her in her dreams, she hated how her body yearned for him on the nights he wasn’t around, so tonight with all the chaos she allowed his rough tactics to set her mind free as she climaxed with his grip tightening.

She gasped as she woke up, trying to catch her breath, she clawed at her neck. realizing it was all just a dream she exhaled, which led her to hyperventilate. She could feel his hands around her neck still, most of all she could feel the throbbing of her inwards from the pain of a forced entry, she noted that something was wrong about all of this, as she crept out of bed, she couldn’t catch her breath, the world felt like it was closing in on her. She allowed the blankets to fall off her as she made her way to the bathroom. Standing in the full size mirror she could see the discoloration around her neck, she glanced at her bandaged arms, and it hit her. She couldn’t pinpoint when she slit her wrist, that eluded her, but she knew it would be a while before she would try to self sabotage. Death would only have her if she resisted, she muttered continuously till she was able to breathe, as tears slowly trickled down her tear stained face, leaving permanent tracks behind, she decided she would allow herself to live even if that meant she was living a lie.

***~~~~~***~~~~~***

Forty five minutes away, there lay Chase, 6 ft 3 and fit, his main focus was on Lisa in that very moment. He loved the way her body curved as she arched her back moaning his name. Lisa was his girlfriend for this year, his luck with woman normally waxed cold shortly after the holidays. They yearned for labels and now at twenty-two they required promises of commitments that he was unwilling to provide. But he enjoyed the fleeting moments he would get to meet his sexual needs, she started to tense as she approached her climax state, he lived for the seconds in between her orgasmic window that made her tighten up on his member, he loved the feeling of pure control as she laid spent, trying to squirm away, that he would exert all his energy to make her scream in pain and twisted pleasure, when her screams would reach his limit, he would silence her by slowly gripping around her delicate neck, as she pleaded for him to pull out due to the sensitivity level being at an all times high, he whispered, “you said it was mine, and I’ll do as I please”, he purposely flipped her over to where she was on her flat stomach trying to wiggle away, he knew how women enjoyed the satisfaction of reaching an orgasmic high, but the window to true bliss is within the window where her senses were heightened, as he drove himself into her, she would try to free his grasp by clawing at his hand, but it would only tighten his grip, as he pushed her deeper into his satin sheets he knew the moment before she would black out so he reluctantly released his grip from around her neck slowly and grasped a hand full of curls, with each thrust he would jerk her head back furiously till he collapsed on top of her spent. She would lie there in total exhaustion as streams of orgasmic waves ran through her body as he had his way, as he laid there still, Lisa tried to lay on him, but that would always lead to quick rejection, he pushed her off him as he ordered her to go, he rolled out the bed and made his way to the shower, Lisa hated how he made her feel after sex, like a used whore, but she also thought if she continued to play his games, maybe he would come around and fall for her, his distant actions turned her on and confused her one and the same. “I’m going out of town for the weekend,″ she yelled towards the bathroom, “I’ll call”, he yelled back as the water gushed on.

Nathaniel rushed passed Lisa, who quipped, “Dang Nate you can at least say excuse me,″ she said picking up the contents of her purse he made spill out. “Chase come get ya girl,″ he barked, eyes glued to his phone. “He’s in the shower you ass!“she spat, picking up the last of her stuff off the floor, the clicking of her heels were loud as she made her way to the front door, “I don’t know why I bother with any of you,″ she shrieked as she slammed the wooden door.