What is your opinion?
A Fun and Interesting read!
"This was a fun and easy read. Nothing made me stumble, but I was able to get through the story fast due to its good pacing and interesting characterization. I enjoyed the differences between the brothers and I especially liked Matthew and John's interactions; you can tell they're both close and rely on each other. I also really liked the grandmother and the twist at the end! Poor Matthew certainly wasn't expecting that and neither was I. I really enjoyed the surprise! My only suggestions are that some paragraphs early on are quite long, but don't have commas. This is a bit of a problem throughout, and there are some sentences that could really use commas for clarity's sake. For a small example: "Heck, even he knew that dense as he was." could use a comma after "that", as I had to re-read it a couple times to understand it. I would also suggest cutting down on the physical descriptions right in the midst of when they're walking to meet their grandmother, and the conversations there. It felt a little forced and odd because so many people were watching them. It was the only part in the entire thing that seemed to screech to a halt right when it should have been moving along, but really, that is my only criticism. Everything else was really good and I'd love to read more! Good work!"
Amazing characterization
"This was really good! I enjoyed this first chapter so much! I think my favorite part was the interaction between the brothers and the fact that each one of them was memorable. Often times, when you introduce that many characters at once, it becomes confusing, but not with this story. I really enjoyed the sense of tension that you sprinkled throughout it. The setting was great, and you gave me a really clear picture of the time and place. I want to know what happens next! This is going to drive me crazy until the next chapter comes out! You really know your craft. Great job!"
Hope this helps
""I know this may sound obvious, but too much 'telling' vs. 'showing' in the first chapter is a definite warning sign – the first chapter should present a compelling scene, not a road map for the rest of the book. The goal is to make the reader curious about your characters, fill their heads with questions that must be answered, not fill them in on exactly where, when, who and how. One tip I remember is start the story when their is action. You tend to use the writers favourite words It, was, and that. Speach tags should in most cases be said or asked. He whispered softly *Etc) is the mark of a new writer. You have the start of something here. Work on it and it will be great."
